書接上回，在劍10(5.5分範文)裡，我們看到了寫作考試評分系統的升級。那麼劍10滿分的考官範文又意味著我們應該做出哪些努力呢?
劍10T1
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
MODEL ANSWER
296 words
One important stage in a child’s growth is certainly the development of a conscience, which is linked to the ability to tell right from wrong. This skill comes with time and good parenting, and my firm conviction is that punishment does not have much of a role to play in this. Therefore I have to disagree almost entirely with the given statement. (59)
l 注釋：conscience=moral sense
l 同義：tell right from wrong=learn the difference between right and wrong=distinguish right from wrong
l 注釋：conviction=belief
To some extent the question depends on the age of the child. To punish a very young child is both wrong and foolish, as an infant will not understand what is happening or why he or she is being punished. Once the age of reason is reached however, a child can be rewarded for good behaviour and discouraged from bad. This kind but firm approach will achieve more than harsh punishments, which might entail many negative consequences unintended by the parents. (81)
l 按年齡分類討論(very young child & infant)，兩個層次論證懲罰的不必要性，並給出better solution。
l reason我們學過的基本意思是「理由(n)，推理(v)」，但在這裡它是「情理，理性(n)」之意，「Once the age of reason is reached」再次理解為「等他們到了懂事的年紀」。
l 「entail」=result in形象生動的「導致」——en動詞前綴+tail尾巴「尾隨而來——結果，後果」
l 同意表達積累：consequence=outcome=result
l 詞彙變形：intend(v)——intended(adj)——unintended(否定adj)
To help a child learn the difference between right and wrong, teachers and parents should firstly provide good role modelling in their own behaviour. After that, if sanctions are needed, the punishment should not be of a physical nature, as that merely sends the message that it is acceptable for larger people to hit smaller ones- an outcome which may well result in the child starting to bully others. Nor should the punishment be in any way cruel. (78)
l 同意積累：sanction(n)=punishment=discipline(n/v)=time-out(n)
l bully=frighten=hurt威嚇，傷害
l Nor should the punishment be in any way cruel. 否定副詞句首倒裝(句式豐富的一個典型體現)
Rather, teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to discipline their young charges, such as detention, withdrawal of privileges, and time-out. Making the punishment fit the crime is a useful notion, which would see children being made to pick up rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or apologise to someone they have hurt. In these ways responsibility is developed in the child, which leads to much better future behaviour than does punishment. (78)
l Rather，=of course，=on the contrary
l young charges：charge此處是「被監管人，被監護人」熟詞僻義，用詞準確得當。
l such as detention, withdrawal of privileges, and time-out舉例論證充分合理(「detention課後留校，withdrawal of privileges特權收回，time-out懲罰」)Did you ever get a time-out?你有被罰過麼?
l Making the punishment fit the crime is a useful notion, which would see children being made to pick up rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or apologise to someone they have hurt.舉例詳盡合理，增強論證的說服力。
綜上，
(1)邏輯連結依然是寫作的重點，而且明顯出現比較地道的以前不太常用的銜接手段，比如rather=on the contrary轉折關係。
(2)選詞方面更加考究細緻，詞彙難度有明顯的提升。比如conscience良心，道德;reason情理，理性;entail導致;charge被監護人，detention課後留校。
(3)詞彙語法準確多樣，比如consequence=out come=result in; punishment=sanction=discipline=time-out。
語法方面：
punishment does not have much of a role to play in this.懲罰不起作用;
if sanctions are needed, the punishment should not be of a physical nature就算懲罰有必要，也不應該是體罰;
Nor should the punishment be in any way cruel.(倒裝)懲罰不應該殘酷/嚴苛cruel=harsh;
Making the punishment fit the crime is a useful notion, which would see children being made to pick up rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or apologise to someone they have hurt.長難句，非限制性定語從句+並列結構。
通過以上分析我們不難看出，考官範文的難度無疑給想得高分的烤鴨們造成巨大的壓力。綜合提升寫作實力似乎比單純掌握寫作技巧更能得到考官認可。閱讀英文原版材料並積累、分析，在新時代的雅思要求下顯得尤為重要。後續老師會選取優秀外國文章，跟大家分享寫作的邏輯分析和語言的應用，敬請期待。
編輯推薦：
新東方教師解析劍10
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全國雅思考場查詢
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