2019年的最後一天，韓庚和盧靖姍同時在社交平臺上曬出結婚照官宣結婚的喜訊，並在紐西蘭舉行了婚禮。
作為最早去韓國打拼並且大獲成功的中國藝人之一，韓庚在海內外都有不少粉絲，回國轉型成演員後參演了不少大熱影視作品。而盧靖姍於2008年出演香港電影《狼牙》出道，隨後因出演《戰狼2》而廣受關注。
兩人於2017年金雞獎頒獎典禮相識，相愛，最後修成正果，大家紛紛為這對新人送上祝福。
戀愛、結婚、生子，這是人們普遍經營生活和愛情的方式。而當我們真正進入一段關係，就會發現遇見一個合適的人，並最終走入婚姻並不是一件簡單的事情。
Tracy McMillan是美劇《倒錯人生》、《廣告狂人》的編劇。她希望用自身的情感經歷，分享給每一個尋找幸福的人，誰是你真正可以結婚的對象。
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演講全文
When I was growing up, there was this song we used to sing on the playground, and it went like this, 「Tracy and so and so, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.」And I’m like, OK, that’s it! That’s how you do life. That’s how you do a relationship. Love, marriage, baby carriage. OK, got it.
我小時候經常唱這麼一首歌：翠西和某某，坐在樹下，互相親吻，先是愛情，再是婚姻，最後生了寶寶，推在嬰兒車裡，一家人其樂融融。感覺就像：「喔！原來如此，這就是生活，這就是感情呀。」愛情、婚姻、嬰兒車，這就是幻想的家庭的全部了。
And then I grew up, and this is what my life turned out to be. Slightly more complicated, right?Love, marriage, divorce, dry spells, love, marriage, co-parenting, another marriage, another divorce; you got the picture.
然而我長大後，這才是我的真實生活：稍微複雜了一點點，相愛、結婚、離婚，單身，再度墜入愛河，又結婚，共同撫養孩子，又離婚；又結婚，又離婚……你可以想像。
So if you’re good at math and/or a fast reader, what you』ve got there is that I』ve been married three times. Yep, three, and divorced. What that’s supposed to mean is that I’m a total failure at relationships. And that is one way to look at it, but not the only way.
所以，你數學或是閱讀能力很好的話，你就會發現，我一共結了三次婚。對，三次，並且都離了。而這所應該代表的就是，我在感情上妥妥的是個失敗者。從另一種角度看，確實如此，但也不是唯一的角度。
Because what I think really happened is that I kept marrying the wrong person. No, it’s not that I didn’t — it’s not that I chose bad guys. My first two husbands were amazing men who are now married to wonderful women who aren’t me. And my third husband, well, we’re friends on Facebook now. So, all is well that ends well, right?
因為在我眼中，真正發生的事情就是我一直在和錯誤的人結婚。和錯誤的人結婚，並不代表我選擇了很差勁的對象，我的前兩任丈夫都是很棒的人。現在也都娶了很棒的姑娘，雖然並不是我。現在我的第三任丈夫是我的Facebook好友。結果一切都還好，是吧？
After the collapse of my third marriage in 2005, I realized that I』ve been marrying everyone in sight, except the one person that I really needed to marry in order to have a great relationship and that once I married that person, all of my relationships would be successes, even the failures. The so-called failures, actually.
在2005年，我第三次婚姻崩潰了以後，我意識到我為了有一段美好的感情，我幾乎和眼前所有的人都結過婚，卻唯獨沒有嫁給那個我應該嫁的人。而且，我一旦嫁給了那個人，我所有的感情都將是成功的，包括那些中途夭折的感情，也就是失敗。
Since we’re talking today about women inventing, I’m going to talk about inventing relationships. What I』ve found through a lot of trial and obviously, many, many, many errors, to be the thing that has transformed my life and love, and that is this idea of marrying yourself.
既然我們今天談論的是女人的創造，我就來說說創造感情吧。我從很多次經歷中，很多很多的錯誤中，所發現的道理，改變了我的人生觀和愛情觀，即嫁給自己。
So what does it mean to marry yourself? It’s a big idea. It is as big as marriage itself except, if I could just summarize it, it would be that you enter into a relationship with yourself and then you put a ring on it.
所以，嫁給自己是什麼意思呢？這是一個大的觀念，幾乎和婚姻觀念等同，如果讓我總結一下的話，就是要和你自己處對象，然後嫁給你自己。
In other words, you commit to yourself fully.And then you build a relationship with yourself to the point where you realize that you’re whole right now, that there is no man, woman, job, circumstance that can happen to you that’s going to make you more whole because you already are. And this changes your life.
換句話說，就是向自己坦白一切，然後和自己建立關係，到了那一步，你就會意識到，你現在是完整的了。男人，女人，工作，環境，都將不會對你有任何影響。這些都不會使你更加完整，因為你已經是完整的了。這將改變你的人生。
By now, I’m sure at least some of you are wondering why you should be listening to a three-time divorcee talk about marriage? Even to herself. And I understand that.Here’s what I have to say about that:
到現在為止，我知道你們中間肯定有人在想，你們為什麼要聽一個離過三次婚的女人講婚姻觀。甚至她自己也是這麼想的。我理解這樣的想法。我對此想說的是：
what I』ve learned and my experience is that the places where you have the biggest challenges in your life become the places where you have the most to give if you do your inner work. I kind of want to say that again: the places where you have the biggest challenges are the places where you have the most to give.
我從我的經驗所學到的，如果你做你內心的工作，你生活中最大挑戰的地方會成為你最需要給予的地方。我想再說一次：你面臨最大挑戰的地方是你能給予最多的地方。
So let me tell you a little bit about the person I truly needed to marry: myself.I am from Minneapolis. Wooh! My mom was a prostitute and an alcoholic. She put me in foster care when I was three months old.
那麼讓我來講講那個我應該嫁的人，也就是我自己。我來自明尼阿波利斯，我媽媽是一個妓女，而且有酒癮，在我三個月大的時候她就把我送到了寄養家庭。
My dad was a criminal; he was a drug dealer and a pimp with a heart of gold — actually, they both had hearts of gold — and he spent more or less my whole life in prison.
我的爸爸是一個罪犯，他是一個一心想賺錢的毒品走私犯和皮條客。其實他們倆都是一心想要錢的人。幾乎在我一生中的所有時間裡，他們都在蹲監獄。
And he just got out of prison after his most recent sentence which was 20 years.Until the age of nine, I was probably in two dozen foster homes. The thing you need to know about this story — there are a lot of details, obviously — but the thing you need to know is that I came out of that childhood with one goal: to never be left. And the way I was going to do that is that I was going to get married. That was the way I was going to accomplish that goal.
他最近才服完20年監禁從監獄中出來，而我...在九歲以前，我在20多個寄養家庭中生活過。畢竟這裡面有很多細節，你們只需要知道，從那樣的童年中走過來，我只有一個目標，就是永遠不被拋棄。而我達成這個目標的途徑，將是結婚。這就是我為了達成這個目標將會做的事情。
So I got married the first time to a guy I met when I was 17. We got married a couple of years later, when I was 19. He was a really good guy from a great family, he had an MBA. I mean, it was like, you know, marriage material. You know, I was thrilled. I was like, 「I have a family. I belong somewhere. This is wonderful.」
所以，我和一個我17歲時候認識的男人結了第一次婚，那時我19歲。他是一個很棒的男人，有著和睦的家庭，以及MBA的文憑。就像...你知道的，很適合的結婚對象。我當時很驚喜，當時就想著，我有家庭了，有歸屬了，真是太贊了。
And then after five years I left him. And then 10 years later, I got married again to another wonderful guy, who is the father of my now 16-years-old son. We still have a wonderful relationship. He is a really good guy.But after four years I left him, too.
但是，五年以後我就離開了他。接著，十年之後，我又結婚了。對象是另一個很棒的男人，也就是我現在16歲兒子的父親。我們現在關係也很好，因為他真的是一個很好的人。但是結婚四年以後，我還是離開了他。
And I am not proud to say that I did that, but in order to really marry yourself, you have to get sometimes very painfully honest with yourself about what it is that you』ve done. So I’m not proud of that.
我對此並不真正感到驕傲，但是為了真正的嫁給自己，你就要對自己誠實，有時候甚至痛苦至極地面對自己已經做過的事情。所以，我對此並不感到驕傲。
And then eight years later, I got married again, when I was 40, and I was like, 「OK, this feels right!」 Let me tell you what felt right to a girl who was in 24 foster homes: a guy who started to date after nine months of marriage; essentially, he started dating a 21-year-old girl.
八年之後，在我40歲的時候，我又結婚了。我當時想著，這感覺真不錯。讓我來說說什麼會讓一個在24個寄養家庭中生活過的女孩兒感覺不錯。一個在結婚後九周就開始約會的男人，重要的是，他開始和一個21歲的女孩兒約會。
OK, I mean, it would be funny, if it weren’t so tragic. You have to have a sense of — that is why we’re Facebook friends. So, here I am looking at this person that I just described with a terrible track record of relationships, and I’m like, 「I’m supposed to marry her? This is the woman you want me to marry?」
我的意思是，如果不是這麼悲慘的的話，還蠻有意思的。你會有種感覺，這也是我們倆現在還是Facebook好友的原因。所以，當我從現在的角度再去看我剛剛說的這個有著劣跡斑斑的感情經歷的女人，我的想法就像是，我真的要嫁給她嗎？這就是你想讓我嫁的人？
And the answer is yes. Because here is the deal: the thing about marrying yourself is not just like cohabitating. You’re not just going to date for a while and see how it turns out. You are going to do this till death do you part. You are going to take vows. So here are the vows.
答案是，是的。因為嫁給自己並不是像同居那樣，你不能約會一段時間再看情況做決定。你必須堅持到最後直到死亡把你們分開。你將宣誓，宣誓如下：
Number 1: you are going to marry yourself for richer or for poorer. This means you are going to love yourself right where you are. You don’t say to yourself,「When you get to the corner of Hollywood and Vine, then I will marry you.」You don’t say, 「When you lose ten pounds, then I will love you.」And you don’t say, 「If you hadn’t married that loser, I would love you, but since you did, I’m sorry, I think it’s over.」
第一，你將嫁給你自己，無論貧窮與富貴。意思是你將無條件地愛自己。你不能說「等你去了好萊塢和藤街，我才嫁給你」，你也不能說「等你瘦了十磅以後我才會愛你」，你更不能說「如果你沒有嫁給那個失敗者，我才會愛你。
When you marry yourself, you walk yourself down that aisle exactly where you are. And paradoxically, I found that loving myself exactly where I am is the only way to get where I am going.
既然已經嫁了，那麼我覺得我們之間結束了」。當你嫁給你自己的時候，你走過長廊，走到你所在的位置。略微矛盾的地方在於，我發現愛那個就在原地的我是我走向目的地的唯一途徑。
Number 2: you are going to marry yourself for better or for worse. What this means is that most of us are willing to love ourselves for better, I mean, sure, I am having a great hair day today. I love me. That’s not what I am talking about.I’m talking about for worse, you know, the big life disappointments.
第二，你將嫁給你自己，無論環境好與壞。這句話意思是，大部分人都會在更好的情況下愛自己，比如，我今天髮型很贊，我愛我自己。這不是我要說的部分，我要說的是，在更壞的情況下，那種當人生辜負了你的時候，
Maybe you don’t own a home, you didn’t get the career you wanted, maybe you didn’t graduate from college, maybe you didn’t get the relationship you wanted. Maybe it hasn’t turned out — maybe you fight with your mum, maybe you watch too much reality TV, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because when you marry yourself, you agree to stay with you no matter what.
可能你無家可歸，可能你沒有從事喜歡的事業，可能你沒有順利地大學畢業，可能你沒有找到想要的感情，可能事情沒法向你想的方向發展，可能你和媽媽吵架了，可能你看了太多太現實的電視劇。無論發生了什麼，都不重要。因為，當你嫁給了自己以後，你都將永遠陪在自己身邊，不管發生什麼。
Third, you marry yourself in sickness and in health. So what this means is that you forgive yourself for your mistakes. A mistake isn’t actually a failure unless you don’t learn from it and unless you don’t grow.There is a saying, 「You ask for patience, and what you get is a line at the bank.」
第三，你將嫁給自己，無論生病與健康。這句話的意思是，你要原諒自己所犯過的錯誤。錯誤，並不代表失敗，除非你不懂得吸取教訓，除非你不成長。有句話是這樣說的，你想要耐心，得到的卻是在銀行排長隊。
What that means is that life does not give you what you』ve asked for, it gives you the people, places, and situations that allow you to develop what you ask for.And the thing is if you don’t get it right the first time, life will give it to you again. Because life is very generous that way. It’s like I didn’t get it the first time, in the first marriage, and I didn’t get it the second time, maybe the third time I』ll get it.
也就是，生活不會給你你所想要的東西，它只會給你那些能讓你建立你所想要的東西的人物，地方，和狀況。並且，你知道，如果你第一次無法達成你想要的，生活會再給你一次機會。因為生活在那方面還是很慷慨的。
So inside that terrible experience of that third marriage, I learned something about 「in sickness and in health」. What I learned is how to sit by my own bedside, and how to hold my own hand, and how to nurse myself, and how to comfort myself. And what I learned is that I am a person that I can count on.
就像，我在第一次婚姻中沒有得到想要的，在第二次婚姻中也沒有，但是，就像...也許我在第三次婚姻中可以得到我想要的呢。所以，在我糟心的第三次婚姻中，我從「無論生病還是健康」中學到很多。我學會了在自己的床邊，握著自己的手，照顧自己，安慰自己。我知道，我知道我是那個自己是那個可以依賴的人。
Last but not least, you marry yourself — when you marry yourself, it’s to have and to hold yourself. What does it mean to have and to hold? Well, I think it means that you love yourself the way you want someone else to love you.
最後，也同樣重要的是，你嫁給你自己。當你嫁給自己的時候，就要擁有並掌握自己。那麼，什麼叫做「擁有並掌握自己」呢？我認為它的意思是，你希望別人怎樣愛你，你就要像那樣愛你自己。
I had always been going through life with this sense of lack. I felt like I was kind of half a person, and that I was missing something. I went into my relationships hoping to solve this feeling that I had my entire life: that I wasn’t whole unless someone loved me.And the truth was that I wasn’t ever going to feel whole until I learned to love myself.
我的生活中，一直有這樣一種缺失感。我覺得我像是個半邊人，缺失了什麼東西一樣。我開始了一段感情，希望能緩解我這一生都有的這種情緒，即：如果沒有人愛我，我就是不完整的。而事實卻是，如果我不學會愛我自己，我將永遠無法感覺到自己是完整的。
So this business of marrying yourself transforms every area of your life: your business, family relationships, kids, social relationships, friends. Because when you marry yourself, this huge thing happens: you become able to love in this whole new way. You become able to love other people right where they are, for who they are, the same way you’re already loving yourself.
所以，嫁給自己這件事將改變你人生中的每個部分，你的生意，家庭關係，孩子，社交關係，朋友。因為在你嫁給自己的時候，會發生很大的轉變，你將會以全新的方式去愛。你將會無條件地去愛別人，就像你愛自己的那樣。
And of course, this is what the world needs more of.So when I married myself, and I realized that I already had everything I needed, I started seeing it as my job to basically just light up my little corner of the world. That’s my new job. Because I don’t need anything, I already have it.
沒錯，這世界就是需要更多這樣的愛。當我嫁給自己的時候我就意識到，我已經擁有了我所需要的一切。我開始把點亮我的小角落這件事情看做自己的工作，那就是我的新工作。因為我現在並不需要什麼，我已經擁有了。
So when I take meetings, it’s all about how can I help this person achieve her goal? When I’m in my social communities, it is like what can I bring to this that only I can bring?And when I go on dates, it is like how can I just discover another person maybe for just one hour which, of course, brings me a full circle.
所以，當我開會的時候，我所想的就只有怎樣幫助她來完成她的目標。在我的社交圈內，我就會想，我能帶給這個人只有我能帶給他的東西嗎？而我在約會的時候，我就會想我能在一個小時內了解對方多少呢？這樣就帶給我了一個良性循環。
Because people always asked me about my love life; they want to know.And you know, the answer is, I am still working on it. Aren’t we all? So this is where I am right now. About three months ago, I went on a first date.
因為大家總是問我的感情生活，很八卦。答案是，我還在努力中。難道我們不都是嗎？所以，我現在的處境是這樣的，約三個月前，我和他第一次約會。
And about 30 minutes into the date, I found myself paying attention not to whether he liked me, but how I felt in his presence. I noticed that I was light, happy, and joking. And as I reflected on the date afterwards, I was like, 「Wow, I got really excited! Look, this is how committed I am to myself.」
這次約會中有30分鐘，我都在關注我在他的陪伴下的感受，而不是他是否喜歡我。我發現我當時很放鬆，很開心。我在約會之後的反應就像「我真是天興奮了，看，這就是向自己坦白真實的自己」。
I am not even on this date trying to get someone to like me. I am more interested in how I feel about me than how he feels about me, not because I am selfish, but because the only relationship I am ever going to have with another person is the one that I am already having with myself —
我在這次約會上完全沒有努力去讓別人喜歡我，比起他怎麼看我，我更關心的是我自己怎麼看我。並不是因為我自私，而是因為唯一一段我將會和別人擁有的感情就是我現在已經和自己擁有的這種感情。
just going to have it with them now.So it turned out he liked me, and we are still together. It’s cool and amazing, but I』ve been married three times, so slow down.
從現在到今後都是如此。後來發現，他很喜歡我，我們也還在約會。這非常酷也非常激動人心，不過鑑於我已經結了三次婚，所以還是慢點。
The thing is that I am not trying to get security from him through marriage, and, God forbid, a baby carriage. I am only here to just be in a relationship. I am not dying to hear the words, 「Will you marry me?」
重點在於，我沒有想從他或者從婚姻中得到安全感，以及一個嬰兒車。我只是為了一段感情而來，我並不會迫不及待想聽到「你願意嫁給我嗎？」。
Because even though those words are very powerful — and very powerful to a person like me — I don’t need them to hear it from him because I have already heard them from myself.
因為儘管這樣的語言很有煽動性，尤其是對於像我這樣的人。我也並不需要從他那裡聽到這樣的話，因為我已經聽到自己這樣說過了。
The way I see it is like I took myself to the top of a mountain, or maybe to the bottom of the ocean, and I got down on one knee, and I said, 「I』ll never leave you.」
在我的眼中，就像是我帶我自己去了高山之巔或者深海之底，我單膝跪下說「我永遠都不會離開你」。
And now I am married to the one person I really wanted to be with all along: myself.Thank you.
現在，我終於嫁給了那個我一直想共度一生的人，我自己。謝謝。