Do I Need To Like Myself?
非得喜歡自己嗎?
Yes! People who don't like themselves are a pain in the neck1!
Usually, people with a poor self-image use one of two irritating2 strategies3. They either:
a) criticize you a lot or
b) they criticize themselves a lot.
STRATEGY A: They criticize you a lot. They figure4 that by criticizing other people they can feel better about themselves.
Let's take Fred, who feels inferior5. Fred thinks he has a big nose and piggy eyes. He also secretly feels a bit stupid.
So what's his strategy to feel better about himself? He criticizes all his friends. He has names for them like 「Flathead」, 「Chicken Legs」 and 「Dogbrain」. Whenever someone else makes a mistake, he announces it to the whole class. (He probably doesn't even realize he criticizes people—or why he does it.)
If you have parents, friends or brothers and sisters who don't like themselves—they might criticize you and everyone around them. Just remember that they criticize you because they have a problem. If you remember that they are actually hurting inside, you won't get so upset by their behaviour.
STRATEGY B: Some people who don't like themselves criticize themselves a lot. They use reverse6 psychology...
Take Mary who doesn't like herself. She's always telling you, 「You are prettier than me. You are smarter. Nobody likes me.」 She's hoping that you will reply, 「No Mary! You are clever. You are beautiful.」 After a while, people like Mary get on your nerves7!
In a nutshell8
When we don't like ourselves, we irritate other people. We also put ourselves through a lot of stress. When we accept ourselves a little better, we don't play these games.
How Can I Like Myself﹖
In our hearts, most of us believe we should be doing better. We think that we should have gotten higher grades. We want to be popular and hang out with9 the 「in」10 crowd. We feel we don't measure up to11 our parents' expectations. Our parents help to confirm12 this idea when they ask, 「Why can't you be more like your brother?」
Whenever you are feeling low, be your own best friend. Accept that, up to now, you have lived your life the best way you know how. No one sets out13 to screw up14 their life! Like anyone, you've done the odd stupid thing. With more information you'll likely do better in the future.
Liking yourself means forgiving yourself. If you have made some serious mistakes, if you have hurt some people—and yourself—feeling guilty won't help.
If you are feeling guilty about something, you have already suffered enough. Being guilty for another six months won't help anybody.
Forget perfection and aim for improvement.
It's a funny thing. When you forgive yourself for your own mistakes, you automatically15 begin to let others off the hook16 for the same things.
「But I'm Not Brilliant...」
You might look at yourself and say, 「I'm not as beautiful as my sister, I'm not as talented as my friends and I'm not brilliant at anything! How can I feel good about me?」
Fact: Nobody is good at everything and most of us have those thoughts!
But here's the lowdown17! Talent and beauty are very useful—but there are plenty of talented and beautiful people around whom we don't necessarily admire. And some of them are a pan18 in the butt19!
The qualities most of us value above all others are honesty, courage, persistence20, generosity21 and humility22. Take a look at this list and you'll find something interesting. You aren't born with these things. You develop them. Anyone can have them! If you want self-respect, and respect from others, you don't have to be an Einstein or a super-model.
You simply work at developing your own honesty, determination, generosity, humility and courage. It is called 「character23」.
In a nutshell
How you feel about yourself is in your hands.
確實如此!不喜歡自己的人很討厭!
通常，自我感覺不好的人會採用兩種策略，要麼老是挑剔別人，要麼總是挑剔自己。
策略一：老是挑剔別人。他們以為挑別人的錯就能自我感覺良好。
比如說弗雷德吧，他就覺得自己不如別人。弗雷德感到自己長了一個大鼻子、兩隻豬眼睛，還暗自感覺腦子有點笨。
那他想感覺好一點怎麼辦呢?於是就挑所有朋友的毛病，給他們起一些怪名字，什麼「平頭」啊，「雞腿」啊，「狗腦」啊等等。每當有人犯錯誤，他就對全班同學宣布。 (他很可能壓根兒就沒意識到在批評別人，或者為什麼要這麼做。)
如果你父母、朋友或兄弟姊妹不喜歡自己，他們可能挑剔你和身邊的每一個人。請記住，他們挑剔你是因為他們有問題。其實他們內心有傷痛，記住這一點，你就不會對他們的行為感到特別心煩了。
策略二：有些不喜歡自己的人老說自己不好。他們的心理正好相反。
拿瑪麗來說吧，她就不喜歡自己。她總對別人說，「你比我漂亮。你比我聰明。誰都不喜歡我。」她心裡其實希望對方這樣回答，「不對，瑪麗!你很聰明，很漂亮。」不用多久，瑪麗這種人就會令人生厭。
簡言之
不喜歡自己，就會去煩別人。同時自身也會承受很大的壓力。對自己好一點，就不會去玩那些煩人的把戲了。
怎樣才能喜歡自己?
內心裡，大多數人都認為自己應該比現在強。我們認為考試分數應該再高一些。我們想受人歡迎，跟那些「時髦的」人在一起。我們感到達不到父母的期望。父母也證實了這一點。他們會問，「你就不能向你哥哥多學一點?」
無論何時你感覺不良，你要做自己最親密的朋友。要承認到目前為止，你是在以你所知的最佳方式生活。誰都不會成心破壞自己的生活。你跟別人一樣做了些奇怪而愚蠢的事。你如果知道得多一些，將來就會做得好一些。
喜歡自己意味著原諒自己。如果你犯了嚴重的錯誤，如果你傷害了別人，傷害了自己，內疚是不管用的。
如果你為某事感到內疚，你已經受到了足夠的折磨。再內疚半年，對人對己都無濟於事。
忘記完善，立志改善
這是很有趣的一件事。一旦你原諒自己的過錯，就會自動不再追究別人同樣的錯誤。
「但是我不很出色……」
你也許會將自己審視一番，說，「我沒姐姐那麼漂亮，也沒朋友那麼聰明，我哪方面都不出色!叫我怎麼感覺良好?」
事實是：沒有誰是萬能的，而且大多數人都有你這種想法。
不過真相是這樣的!才智和美貌很有用，但是聰明漂亮的人我們並不一定就羨慕，這樣的人在我們周圍大有人在。再說有些人不過是徒有虛名而已!
大多數人最看重的品質是誠實、勇敢、頑強、慷慨和謙遜。只要看看這一串詞語，就能發現一件有趣的事。這些品質不是與生俱來的，是後天培養的。人人都能擁有!想自重並受人尊重，不一定非得是愛因斯坦或超級名模。
你只需努力培養自己的誠實、堅毅、慷慨、謙遜和勇敢就行了。這就叫「品格」。
簡言之
自我感覺如何全看你如何把握。