懂得無常，才不為感情所傷
Understanding impermanence spares you a broken heart
現在你對感情的執著，相當於孩童時代對玩具的執著一樣，
Your current attachment to relationships is comparable to your grasping for toys in your childhood.
小時候玩具一旦被別人搶了，自己就哭得天崩地裂，
You used to get upset and cry loudly when someone took away your favorite toys.
可是當你長大之後，回想當年的幼稚無知，就會覺得特別可笑。
Now, looking back, don’t you feel your tantrums in those years were infantile?
如今二三十歲的人，學習一下無常觀非常好。
For people in their twenties and thirties, it is especially helpful to learn about impermanence.
因為在這個年齡段，很多人最執著的就是感情，假如感情上出現了變故，自己就會痛不欲生。
At this age, love relationships are what they fancy most, and any setbacks in this regard will push them into extreme desperation.
但若明白了無常之理，即使沒得到或者失去了最心愛的人，心裡也會有所準備，
But if they have some understanding of impermanence, they will be more mentally prepared if they fail to woo their date’s heart or lose a lover.
知道一切皆為「無常」，可用這兩個字來控制自己。
「Everything is but transitory」 will serve as a mantra to help them cope.
在我們藏地，很多年輕人因為有信仰，懂得佛教的無常觀，
In Tibet, most young people grow up with religious faith and are familiar with the Buddhist view on impermanence,
在面對失戀時，一般不覺得這種痛苦特別大。
so when encountering disappointments in love, they are not overly devastated.
而漢地的人好像不是如此，他們一直陷於感情的迷網中，無力自拔，非常可憐。
In the Han Chinese area, young people are not so well equipped and tend to get caught in the web of infatuation, not knowing how to extricate themselves. It is indeed quite pitiful.
其實，愛一個人，往往是建立在佔有的基礎上。
Loving someone is often based on possessiveness.
一旦他對你不好，或者他變心了，自己無法再擁有他了，這時候會特別痛苦。
Once your lover turns against you, your pain is excruciating because your lover is no longer yours.
假如你對他的愛無有條件，只要他好，你就幸福，那彼此之間的關係再怎麼樣，你也不可能受到刺激或創傷。
However, if your love is unconditional—as long as your lover is happy, you are happy—then it is impossible for you to get hurt or upset, no matter how your relationship evolves.
所以，愛情到底是愛自己，還是愛對方？這個需要好好觀察一下。
Ask yourself: Is 「love」 loving yourself, or loving your lover? You need to take a frank look.
愛情雖說是年輕人很難過的關，
Sentimental love is a big deal for young people.
但你再過10年、20年回顧人生，可能就會一笑置之。
But looking back ten or twenty years later, you may have a good laugh at your obstinate passion,
現在你對感情的執著，相當於孩童時代對玩具的執著一樣，
which is comparable to your grasping for toys when you were little.
小時候玩具一旦被別人搶了，自己就哭得天崩地裂，
You used to get upset and cry loudly when someone took away your favorite toys.
可是當你長大之後，回想當年的幼稚無知，就會覺得特別可笑。
Now, looking back, don’t you feel those childish tantrums were infantile?
尤其是若能懂得無常，知道我們眼前的東西，實際上剎那剎那都在變化，
When we are trained in impermanence, we』ll see that in reality everything is changing from moment to moment.
那在你未來的生涯中，一旦感情出現不順了，遇到突如其來的意外了，也用不著想跳樓自殺、吃安眠藥。
Then, if something happens in the future—your relationship sours or a calamity strikes—you will not be so downhearted as to resort to drugs, or worse, hurling yourself from a building.
這時候你會明白：不僅僅是自己的愛人，所有人的心都是無常的，
You will come to see that not only your lover’s heart, but also everyone’s, is changeable.
身體也是無常的，萬事萬物都是無常的，變化也在情理之中。
Our bodies are impermanent, everything in the universe is in constant flux, and change is but the norm of all phenomena.
我就曾遇到過一個人，她聽說老公有外遇，
Once I met a woman who found out her husband was having an affair.
專門從漢地飛到香港，躲在七十多公裡以外的地方，準備抓她的老公。
She flew from the mainland to Hong Kong and hid in a place some distance away from a building, where she intended to catch evidence of her husband’s infidelity.
她心裡特別特別痛苦，說老公以前很疼她，現在卻變成了這樣，問我應該怎麼辦。
She asked me what she should do, as she was utterly heartbroken that her once-doting husband should turn against her.
我只能告訴她：「萬法都是無常的，他過去對你好，現在對你不好，這就是無常。
I told her, 「All phenomena are impermanent. That your husband changed from loving you to not loving you is called impermanence.
而你，以前可能貪執他，但過一段時間後徹底失望了，不但不再愛他，甚至還想殺了他，這也是一種無常。
As for you, you changed from having a strong attachment to him, to being disappointed by him, to hating him, or perhaps, even seeking to kill him. These are also displays of impermanence.
所以，有了無常的話，什麼不可能的都會成為可能，你也用不著太執著！」
Change is constant; anything can happen. Therefore, you should try to lessen your attachment!」
一個人若能了悟萬法無常，對感情的執著就不會過火，
Accepting the ephemeral nature of all things, a person will not go crazy over love relationships.
不管出現任何變化，都不會受到深深的困擾。
Emotional ups and downs will no longer deliver devastating blows.
索達吉堪布《做，才是得到》
Khenpo Sodargye《Achieve by Doing》
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