Don't Become A 'Simpsons' Character In Your Own Home
不要成為《辛普森一家》中的任何角色
How many times in the past few weeks have you heard someone say that "All this just doesn't feel real?" That the "new normal" feels like something out of a TV show? Well, there's a reason for that: We're all becoming our own Simpsons characters.
過去的幾周，你有多少次聽到有人說「感覺這一切都不是真的？」「新常態」感覺像是電視節裡的東西。那是因為，我們都在把自己變成辛普森家中一員。
Many characters have graced The Simpsons over the years, but what makes them fit on the show is that they're the worst version of all the traits that they exude. The main characters: Bart is the worst version of a slacker, Lisa is the worst version of an over-achieving saxophone player, Homer is the worst version of an unclear plant employee. The side characters: Krusty is the worst version of a children's entertainer, Flanders is the worst version of a do-gooder neighbor, and Apu is the worst version of a racial stereotype that they could include without getting in trouble for it in the 90s.
多年來，《辛普森一家》中的很多角色都很出彩，但是使得這些角色融入該劇的正是他們身上所散發出來的那種壞。該劇的主角：巴特是最懶的懶鬼；麗莎是最差的薩克斯演奏者，荷馬是最不合格的員工。配角：Krusty是最糟糕的兒童藝人，Flanders是最糟糕的善鄰，Apu是最糟糕的種族主義者。
Now, it's our turn. With all the habits we've been developing over the past - Jesus- six weeks (How has it been only six weeks?), many of us are reverting to the worst versions of ourselves. We have to be strong here, so let's identify some easy points to work on and do it (for her.).
現在，輪到我們了。在過去的6周裡（怎麼才過去6周？），我們養成了很多壞習慣。我們必須要堅強，找到一些比較容易的事情，然後去做吧。
Like most characters from the show, many of us are now dressing the same every single day. A running gag in some cartoons is how a character will have a closet filled with the same outfit, but The Simpsons have had an episode embracing the idea. In "Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield," Marge finds an upscale outfit at an outlet mall that's actually in her price range. She then repeatedly wears altered versions of it to a country club, where the socialites make snide remarks about her efforts.
像劇中的大多數角色一樣，我們中的很多人現在每天都穿著一樣的衣服。在一些動漫中，經常出現一些搞笑場面，那就是一個角色的衣櫥裡總是塞滿了一堆一模一樣的衣服。《辛普森一家》中也有類似的片段。在《斯普林菲爾德階級鬥爭》中，瑪姬在一家購物中心找到了-套高檔服飾，價格也在她的承受範圍之內。之後，她多次穿著這件衣服的不同款式去鄉村俱樂部，那裡的社交名流對她冷嘲熱諷。
By the end of the episode, Marge saves her animators' wrists by deciding that she likes her original green dress - embracing wearing the same thing for all eternity. Don't do this, y'all. Take showers, change your clothes, and do laundry. We're begging you (We can see the mustard stains on FaceTime.).
在這一集結尾，瑪姬決定她喜歡她原來的綠色連衣裙。別這麼做，夥計們，洗個澡，換件衣衣服，洗掉髒衣服。求你們了(在FaceTime上我們甚至能看到你們衣服上的汙漬了，各位)。
Then, there's hair. We've already written about how guys are cutting their hair to disastrous results. We stand by that, don't cut your hair. In the episode, released20+ years after the movie it's spoofing, "Homer Scissorhands" sees Homer becoming a gifted stylist after fixing Patty's hair with garden shears. He starts to go insane from the salon talk and schemes up a way to quit.
還有就是頭髮。我們之前寫到過，男生自己剪頭髮會帶來什麼災難後果。我們堅持一點，那就是別自己剪頭髮。在《荷馬剪髮記》中，荷馬成了一名天才造型師，他用修剪花園的剪刀給帕蒂剪頭髮。他甚至想要開一家髮廊，並且計劃著要離職。太瘋狂了。
Homer is, again, the worst version of what a hairstylist should be. Don't get some bozo family members or neighbors to start doing your hair. If that means wearing a hat, or maybe playing around with your new length a bit, so be it. Don't let your idiotic standard for normalcy be "a haircut, whatever the cost." And, for the love of God, don't give yourself bangs.
荷馬是最糟糕的理髮師。不要隨便讓家人或者鄰居給你剪髮。如果你想要戴帽子或者把頭髮剪短一點的話，當我沒說。不要讓你愚蠢的正常狀態標準成為「理髮，不管付出什麼代價」。看在上帝的份上，別把自己搞成這樣。
Finally, we'd be remiss if we didn't talk about what we're eating in quarantine, and there's no better way to illustrate our meals going downhill than Steamed Hams.
最後，我們來談一下隔離期間該吃啥。沒有什麼比蒸火腿更能說明我們的飲食糟糕到什麼程度了。
Principal Skinner is hosting a luncheon, burns his roast, tries to pass off fast food as homemade, and allows his house to burn down in the process. It should go without saying at this point, but don't host luncheons right now. Just don't. We realize a lot of you are regularly cooking for the first time, so please pay close attention to what you're making. Don't "set it and forget it" and be forced to break quarantine to go to McDonald's, then apartment hunting because you burnt your place down.
斯金納校長正在舉辦午餐會，他把烤肉燒焦了，然後想用外賣假裝成自己家做的，結果就是，他把自己的房子燒著了。這個時候都不需要提這一點，但我還是要說：現在請不要請客！不要！我們知道你們中的許多人都是第一次做飯，請小心一些。做飯的時候，不要只是「定了時間，然後就忘了，」然後就不得不違反隔離條例，去麥當勞吃飯。然後再回過頭來到處找你的家在哪裡，因為你可能已經把它燒了。
This safer- at-home situation doesn't mean we have to turn into cartoons. You can watch The Simpsons on Disney+ without it feeling like looking into a mirror.
居家隔離並不意味著我們就要變成辛普森一家。你可以在Disney+ 上面看《辛普森一家》，但是請不要把自己變成他們。