養寵物的利弊問題。
There are numerous reasons that more and more people,with the city developing,pet some animals like dogs.I finally think this phenomenon is worth to be admited and I cannot skip it.(30words)
結構點評：第1段是1+1』的模式，即第1句介紹題目背景，第2句提出作者的觀點。
巧妙之處：第1段的內容比較簡單清晰，沒有任何廢話，句型尚可，不是很刻板的那種(就是100個人會60人用的那種)，避免了考官的審美疲勞!
語言方面：看了第1段，我的感覺並不好，我的預判是頂多6分(要注意，考官也會有預判的，他們都是批了n百份卷子的人，看了一些內容就能大致預判的出作者的水平的，所以第1段應該儘量減少錯誤，留個好印象。first impressions last forever!).藍色出為語言錯誤的地方!!!應改為there are numerous reasons why... I think... worth admitting(這個內容上很莫名!)
The point on the top of my list for my propensity is that pet can spend people's leisure time.Most of the animals have their own nature,for instance,a dog need to walk like a man need to eat.So we have to supply their need, of course,they will cost us a lot of time.But if we had free time,we would go out with them,by the way, for their nature.This also is an entertainment.(71words)
結構點評：此段是1』+4模式，即第1句是主體句，後接4句支持句!!!
語言方面：紅色出為採用的套句。作者選擇用套句引出主題句(這種方式在雅思考試中的確比較實用)。但是這句表達的不夠好(果然作文不是我教，呵呵)。應改為：The point on top of the list for my propensity is that petting animals may require a spate of spare time. 此外：a dog needs to ... a man needs to...最後兩句不知道作者想說什麼，內容上有些重複和空洞，表達的不清楚!!!
Another factor we cannot neglect is that a part of pet can be the right hands and left of the person who has a bodily disfigurement.For example,the dog can help the blind cross a street and others which they can't do by themselves.If there were no these pets in the world,they would not live alone. Actually,they are very useful,aren't they?Why not to pet them?(64 words)
點評：由於寫的很差，所以就簡單的評幾句。看了正文段第2段，我大致已經了解了作者的水平了。在具體舉例說明和分析自己分論點的時候，作者表現出了語言功底的不足!!!套句以外的句子都寫的很空洞，沒有具體內容(可能是因為具體的內容不知道用英語怎麼表達)。即使寫出來得句子，也含有很多語法錯誤!!!詞彙也很單一。以下是大致按照作者的意義改寫而成的：
Another factor we cannot neglect is that some pets are indipensible under special circumstances. Take, as an example, a guide-dog. It can not only be a loyal companion to the blind but also assist them in crossing the road. An excellent guide-dog is, if not better than, as good as the eyes of the blind in that it lets the owner feel loved and relieved.
自我點評：寫的時候感覺內容很難寫，這可能也是同學們會遇到的問題。所以平時即使懶得寫作文，至少也 要對找些題目來構思一下(brainstorming)，免得考試的時候由於構思太長而來不及答題!!!
Also, it is sagacious to general citizens can get mental satisfaction from pets.That is to say,it is a striking fact that every amenity city for a citizen boasts not only of its advanced establishment but also of its mental satisfaction.And this just can shows that our city is a fit place for heroes to live in.
點評：1』+2的模式，這種模式我說過是高手用的。因為，句數那麼少就必須運用長句來彌補詞數的不足。而且語法功底不好的人，一寫長句不僅會犯錯，而且嚴重的時候會導致句子本身根本無法理解!!!所以，要量力而行啊!!!(不是牛牛的學生，就不要打腫臉冒充牛!!!呵呵)
語言方面：第1句印象極差!!!犯了如此嚴重的錯誤，最多5分了(一個句子竟然有兩個謂語動詞!!!)。以下是改寫的段落：
Also, it is apparent that the owners can gain mental satisfaction from their pets. In other words, a prosperous city with amenities provides the residents with advanced facilities and an environment in which the pets together with their owerns can enjoy life as well.
自我點評：按照作者的原意，自己也不知道在說些什麼，只能把語言寫的稍微順一點。有時候碰到冷門的題目時，的確構思都比較難。大家要當心，越是碰到這種情況，越是要挑些容易發揮的內容寫。像本篇作者就是在自找麻煩(我也跟著麻煩)。
To put all into a nutshell,there are so many benefits on petting animals.From what I have presented above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it is advisable to allow petting animals.
最後一段由於大量使用了套句，所以也沒什麼好說的了。基礎上表達是沒有問題的!!!
總的點評：很清楚地看到，作者除了使用套句的地方還像個樣，其他地方由於受到語言功底的限制，內容空洞，錯誤較多。這是許多低分作文都有的毛病。在這裡我還是要強調語言的正確性，它永遠是寫作第1個要關注的事情，語言差，作文一定得低分!語言好，內容平凡，照樣能夠得高分!!!
（實習編輯：袁梅）