【360度城事】什麼,你們將內褲晾陽臺? Shanghai Modern Families

把內褲掛在陽臺上曬，中國人不會大驚小怪，不過這曾惹惱過一個來自荷蘭的姑娘。她所在的寄宿家庭的「媽媽」把幫她洗好的內褲放在陽臺晾曬，荷蘭姑娘卻覺得自己受到羞辱，「在我們國家，只有色情場所的人會這樣！」

In 2011, a Dutch girl complained about the way her host mother had hung her underwear to dry on the balcony. "It's an outrage!" the girl said. "How could she hang my underwear in a place where everyone can see it? In my country, this only happens on porn sites!"

同一年，一德國小夥子與寄宿家庭的中國「爸媽」鬧翻，被爸媽卷了鋪蓋，趕出家門。少年在家很乖，就是不願意叫「阿姨」和「叔叔」的稱謂，對大人直呼其名。中國大人不樂意，孩子不懂禮貌怎麼行？但這只是個小小的誤會，男孩子以為「阿姨」是稱呼清潔工和家政人員的，所以不願這麼叫自己的家人，可惜小誤會釀成大彆扭。

In the same year, a German student left home with his luggage because of a problematic relationship with his host parents. The student behaved well at home but refused to call the parents uncle and auntie. In November the family cracked and decided it didn't want to put up with the "impolite" boy any longer. It turned out to be a small misunderstanding that could have easily been corrected — the boy thought it would be impolite to call his host mother ayi the word "auntie" in Chinese was ayi, the same word for a cleaner or housekeeper.

文化差異，加上未及時溝通讓人哭笑不得，以上只是兩個典型的小鬧劇。這兩個十幾歲的孩子都是美國戰地服務團國際中學生文化交流活動（AFS Intercultural Programs）的參加者。AFS項目讓中國的中學生走出去，而上海每年也迎來16歲左右的5到8名外國中學生，在這裡開始他們10個多月的異國學習生活。來滬前，他們都沒接觸過中文。

Those are just two stories about youngster who joined the AFS Intercultural Programs. Shanghai has annually welcomed between five and eight foreign middle school students who live and study in the city for 10 months. Over their stay in Shanghai, the students in the program - all aged about 16 - spend time in local schools, go to classes with Chinese students and live with local families. Before they arrived in the city, none of these young people spoke Chinese.

來交流的孩子們會定期聚會，交流近期在上海的所見所聞和生活感受，一般經過4周的「蜜月期」，聚會通通變為「吐槽大會」，大家槽點基本一致：校服不好看啦，班上總有幾個高冷的同學啦，數學太難啦，還有，升旗儀式和眼保健操是個什麼鬼？GT記者告訴你這些孩子與中國文化的邂逅與摩擦。

After the new students arrive in Shanghai, the program’s participants gather to share experiences, feelings and thoughts. They call the meeting the 「grumble party」. Every year the foreign students grumble about their schools and host families. After four weeks of the 「honeymoon period」, they start to complain about their ugly school uniforms, weird activities (like flag-raising ceremonies), indifferent classmates…

In a small classroom a teacher is explaining the origins of dumplings, one of the most popular traditional Chinese dishes. In English she asks two Western teenagers sitting in the front: "Can you guys tell me what dumplings represent in Chinese culture?"

An Italian, Leonardo Lucchetti, answers, telling her that the dumpling's shape stands for fortune. Sitting next to him, a classmate, US teen Ariel Miranda, adds that eating dumplings is a way of praying for good luck.

The teacher smiles and goes on to tell the class that the shape of a dumpling looks like a shoe-shaped gold ingot, a symbol of money and fortune in Chinese culture.

This was a Chinese culture class at the Shanghai Industrial and Commercial Foreign Languages School (SICFLS) this month. Sixteen-year-olds Lucchetti and Miranda came to Shanghai with the 2015-16 AFS Intercultural Programs organized by the International Education Association Shanghai (IEAS). AFS, the American Field Service, is nowadays a non-governmental and nonprofit education organization with representation in more than 50 countries and regions.

According to Zhang Yiyan, the intercultural program director, since 2002, Shanghai has annually welcomed between five and eight foreign middle school students who live and study in the city for 10 months.

Local schools

Over their stay in Shanghai, the students in the program - all aged about 16 - spend time in local schools, go to classes with Chinese students and live with local families. Before they arrived in the city, none of these young people spoke Chinese.

"We hope that they can pick up the language by living in a totally Chinese environment," Zhang said. Lucchetti and Miranda were two of the five foreign students in the intercultural program this year. They came to Shanghai in August.

The two have been assigned to SICFLS, a local secondary vocational school in Xuhui district. The program asks its cooperating schools to provide a three-month language course to help participants quickly learn the rudiments of Chinese, but the SICFLS has organized a full semester of reading, speaking and writing classes especially for Lucchetti and Miranda. Next semester they will be taking classes with their Chinese classmates.

"We are trying to avoid possible culture shocks that they might encounter at school," said Tan Yong, the director of the school's international education department.

It is now a fortnight since the two youngsters began their studies here and they have adapted quickly to life in the new school - although they do not attend the Monday flag raising or perform the eye exercises that the Chinese students do every day.

"At present we are only taking two classes with local students - English and PE," Lucchetti told the Global Times. Because the PE teacher only speaks Chinese Lucchetti has a classmate translate.

In Shanghai he lives with a family in the Pudong New Area. Every morning he gets up around 5:30 going to school with the family's 16-year-old son, who also attends SICFLS. He goes to bed before 10 pm but doesn't know when his host's son gets to sleep. "Like most Chinese students, he has to do a lot of homework at night," Lucchetti said.

Different teaching methods

"I was told that in China, students must always listen to the teacher carefully and they were not to be interrupted." Lucchetti said the teaching methods in Italy and China were very different. "In Italy we never learn by rote. We just underline keywords in the books and remember them, and then we have to formulate our own ideas about what we've learned."

Program workers in the US, however, had warned Miranda that China was very polluted and that people there always wore masks. "They told us to always drink bottled water."

But Miranda has been discovering that life in Shanghai is not exactly the way it was pictured by the people in the US. "The country is very different from what I imagined before," she told the Global Times. "I hope that after 10 months in Shanghai, I will not only grasp the language but also have a better understanding of Chinese culture and society."

A better understanding of China and fewer prejudices are two of the goals of the program. "Many foreigners have a stereotypical view of China, and the best way to change stereotype is to invite them to experience life here in person," Zhang told the Global Times.

For Lucchetti and Miranda, the new experiences started with food. Within a few days the two had tasted a range of "bizarre" foods like chicken feet, duck blood, pigs' brains and pigs' ears. "I like pigs' ears, but I like the dumplings that my host dad makes even more," Miranda smiled.

The host families that the program works with offer free board and meals for the foreign students while they stay in. These families must have at least one English speaker resident.

It is difficult to find families who want to look after foreign students and can cover many of their day-to-day expenses. "Shanghai is an expensive city," Zhang noted.

Miranda lives with a family of five in Jiuting town in the city's suburbs. She has to abide by the family rules which include her having to wash the dishes after dinner, and be home by 8 pm on weeknights. "I also have to help the younger sisters with their English every day," she said. The three sisters also have to abide by these same rules and she is happy to be treated as one of the family.

Problems with relationships

While these two students have settled in amicably with their host families, some relationships between students and local families have been problematic.

Zhang said that every September, a month after the new students arrive in Shanghai, the IEAS meets the participants to share experiences, feelings and thoughts from the past month. "We call the meeting the grumble party," Zhang smiled. "Every year the foreign students grumble about their schools and host families, and it's easy to find them echoing each other's complaints."

She said the first four weeks in Shanghai were a "honeymoon period" for most when the schools and the families were new. "But after four weeks, they start to complain about their ugly school uniforms, weird activities (like flag-raising ceremonies), difficult Chinese courses, indifferent classmates and a heavy homework load."

The grumbles are mostly about the families they live with. In 2011, a Dutch girl complained about the way her host mother had hung her underwear to dry on the balcony. "It's an outrage!" the girl said. "How could she hang my underwear in a place where everyone can see it? In my country, this only happens on porn sites!"

Zhang explained to the girl that in China most families dried their washing, even underwear, on balconies or out the windows. "Most problems between the host families and students are caused by cultural differences," she said. "In most cases, the problems can be solved through communicating."

Nevertheless, Zhang has found that many families are reluctant to communicate with their homestay students. Every year, the IEAS workers visit the families before and after the students come, asking whether they have any problems or need help. "Unfortunately, we've realized that most families won't tell us about their problems," she said. "You know - there is an old Chinese saying: Family quarrels must be settled behind closed doors."

As a result, many of these families bear with problems instead of getting them solved. "But no one can tolerate some of these things for almost a year," Zhang said. She cited the case of a German student who joined the program in 2011. The student behaved well at home but refused to call the parents uncle and auntie. In November the family cracked and decided it didn't want to put up with the "impolite" boy any longer.

Zhang had to rush to home where she found the student standing outside with his luggage. Eventually he was placed with another family.

"In China it is very impolite for children to call elders by their first names, but many foreign students don't know that," Zhang said. She asked the student why he didn't want to call the woman "auntie" and he said the word "auntie" in Chinese was ayi, the same word for a cleaner or housekeeper. "He thought it would be impolite to call his host mother ayi," Zhang said.

It was a small misunderstanding that could have easily been corrected. "But the family stayed silent about it until the day they couldn't take it any more and kicked him out," Zhang said.

Most of the students have a happy and busy time in Shanghai. Zhao Xiaoxing looked after an Italian boy, Emiliano Ciampi, in 2014, and said that her family took very good care of him.

"We took him to Guangxi for a trip, took him to Western restaurants for meals at weekends, and on weekdays I cooked a lot of delicious food for him like salmon and codfish," Zhao said. She used to remove the bones from fish and pork dishes because the student couldn't handle bones.

More than awkward

But even though he was well cared for, the young Italian felt more than awkward calling Zhao auntie or mother. He eventually used to call her Stella, her English name. "Perhaps Western children like to call older people by first names," Zhao said.

At school while the students learn Chinese, initially in special classes and later with other students, other school subjects can be taken with their peers. The program students can elect to study by themselves or join regular classes. However few join the math classes in school. "The math classes in China are so difficult that few foreign students can understand them," Zhang said.

She said another aim of the program is to see its students get good scores in the Chinese Proficiency Test (the HSK or Putonghua TOEFL), which is usually held in March.

At first, Zhang doubted whether these teenagers, who couldn't speak any Chinese before coming to Shanghai could get a reasonable score in the HSK after just six months of study. "But actually, we found that over the years, almost all of our students were able to speak good Chinese after the program," she said. "It really works."

Wang Beibei contributed to this story

Photos: Courtesy of Tan Yong, Zhao Xiaoxing and Zhang Yiyan