short christmas card jokes
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
Why did Santa go to school? To improve his 'elf'!
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? No-eye-deer!
How does Santa get into shape? Elf-ercise!
Why don’t Christmas trees knit? They’re afraid of bare needles!
What’s Santa’s favorite snack? Cookies, but he’s trying to cut back on the milk and cookies!
christmas jokes that are actually funny
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim.
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? No idea.
How does Santa keep his suit wrinkle-free? He uses a Claus-et.
Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf esteem.
What’s the best thing about Christmas dinner? Making the turkey dance before you eat it.
Why don't Christmas trees knit? They keep dropping their needles.
How does a snowman get around? By riding an "icicle."
What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause.
christmas card jokes for kids
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
Why did Santa go to school? To improve his "elf"-abet!
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite!
How does Santa get around? On a "ho ho ho"verboard!
Why was the Christmas tree so bad at sewing? It always got in a knot!
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crummy!
What's Santa's favorite type of music? Wrap music!
How do you know if Santa is in your house? You can sense his presents!
funny christmas one-liners for adults
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I'll drink the red.
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Christmas is the time of year when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
I'm only a morning person on December 25th.
Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him.
What do you call a Christmas tree that's too big? A pine in the neck.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
christmas card joke messages
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas? Sandy Claws!
Why is Santa so good at karate? Because he has a black belt!
How does Santa keep his suit wrinkle-free? He uses a Claus-et!
What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap music!
Why don’t Christmas trees knit? They’re afraid of getting purl-ed!
60 best christmas jokes
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? He had low elf-esteem.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him.
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
Why was the Christmas tree so bad at sewing? It kept dropping its needles.
What do reindeer say before telling a joke? This one will sleigh you.
How does Santa keep his suit wrinkle-free? He uses a Claus-t iron.
What's Santa's favorite type of music? Wrap music.
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crumb-y.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis.
Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They keep losing their needles.
How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf? He has a bark like a Claus.
What’s a snowman’s favorite breakfast? Ice Krispies.
Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
Why did the elf go to school? To get a little Claus education.
What’s Santa’s favorite fruit? Jolly fruit.
How does a snowman get around? By riding an icicle.
What do you call Santa when he stops moving? Santa Pause.
Why was the turkey at the Christmas party? It was already stuffed.
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas? Sandy Claus.
Why did the Christmas cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumbly.
What’s the best way to communicate with Santa? By elf-mail.
How do you help a snowman lose weight? Evaporate his worries.
Why don’t Christmas trees knit? They’re afraid of bare needles.
What did one Christmas light say to the other? You light up my life.
Why did Santa’s reindeer start a band? They were great at deer jams.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues.
How does Santa like his cookies? Fresh out of the oven.
What’s a reindeer’s favorite game? Stable tennis.
Why did the ornament go to school? To get a little more shine.
What do you call a snowman party? A snowball.
Why was the computer cold at Christmas? It left its Windows open.
What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
How do snowmen greet each other? Ice to meet you.
Why did Santa bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
What’s Santa’s favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers.
Why don’t secrets stay secret at the North Pole? Too many elves are listening.
What do you call a fake Christmas tree? A synthe-tree.
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He checks his calen-deer.
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim.
What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle smells.
Why was the snowman a great comedian? He was always chilling with jokes.
What’s the snowman’s favorite snack? Ice cream.
How do you know Santa is good at karate? He has a black belt.
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.
Why did the stocking get arrested? For being too cheeky.
What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite dating app? Timber.
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces? He knows the chimney code.
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? No eye-deer.
Why was the math book sad at Christmas? It had too many problems.
What do snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren.
How do elves clean Santa’s sleigh? With Santa-tizer.
What’s the most popular Christmas wine? I don’t know, but it’s a real crowd-pleaser.
Why did the candy cane go to the doctor? It was feeling twisted.
What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
How does Santa stay fit? He’s always elf-raising.
Why did the Christmas present break up with the wrapping paper? It felt too tied down.
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Crisp Kringle.
Why don’t polar bears eat penguins at Christmas? They can’t get the wrappers off.
What’s the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum – you just can’t beat it.
How do you lift Santa’s spirits? Elf-vation.
short christmas jokes that are actually funny
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
Why did Santa get a parking ticket? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone!
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed deer!
How does Santa keep his suit wrinkle-free? With an elf-pressing machine!
short funny sarcastic christmas quotes
"Another year of pretending to like fruitcake. Merry Christmas!"
"Oh, joy—nothing says holiday cheer like assembling IKEA furniture on Christmas Eve."
"Santa's list: Naughty or nice? Either way, I'm getting socks."
"Christmas shopping: because bankruptcy is the best gift you can give yourself."
"Fa-la-la-la-la, and a partridge in a pear tree. Said no one who's ever had to clean up pine needles."
"Who needs a white Christmas when you can have a debt-ridden one?"
"Deck the halls with bills and receipts—fa la la la, broke, la la la."
"Christmas calories don't count, right? Said every aunt with a plate of cookies."
"Jingle bells, Batman smells—wait, wrong holiday. Merry forced fun!"
"New Year's resolution: stop being sarcastic. Starting... never. Happy Holidays!"