short funny holiday sayings
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the weatherman gets it wrong, I'm dreaming of a store refund.
Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks!
Halloween: The one day it's okay to give candy to strangers.
New Year's resolution: To stop making resolutions I can't keep.
Thanksgiving: Eat until you pass out, then eat some more.
Easter eggs: Proof that rabbits can lay chocolate.
Valentine's Day: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm bad at poetry, happy Valentine's to you!
Independence Day: Fireworks—because blowing stuff up is fun.
short funny sarcastic christmas quotes
"Christmas: the only time of year I pretend to like fruitcake and relatives."
"Oh, great, another holiday where my bank account goes on a sleigh ride to zero."
"Merry Christmas! Because who needs January resolutions when you can overspend in December?"
"Santa's list: Naughty or nice? Either way, I'm getting socks."
"Nothing says 'holiday spirit' like untangling lights that were perfectly fine last year."
"Christmas shopping: Where 'peace on earth' means elbowing for the last toy."
"Ho ho ho! Let's celebrate by eating cookies and regretting it instantly."
"Family at Christmas: Because awkward silences are the best gifts."
"I love carols—sang them once, now they're stuck in my head forever."
"New Year's is coming; time to start that diet I ignored all Christmas."
funny christmas quotes
Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I'll drink the red.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the world and people keep sending it to each other.
I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note saying, toys not included.
Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.
Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.
funny santa quotes for adults
"Santa Claus: The only one who can judge your naughty list and still bring gifts—must be nice to have that kind of job security."
"I'm on Santa's naughty list, but let's be real, that's just code for 'adults having fun.'"
"Santa: Breaking into houses since 1823, but hey, at least he leaves presents instead of stealing the cookies."
"Dear Santa, I know I've been bad, but if you check my wine collection, you'll see I've been practicing for that elf party."
"Santa's sleigh must have the best GPS—because how else does he avoid all the holiday traffic and my ex's house?"
"If Santa can deliver toys worldwide in one night, he should start a delivery service for adult regrets and bad decisions."
"Santa said, 'Ho ho ho,' but I think he meant, 'Pour me another eggnog, this naughty list is getting interesting.'"
short christmas card messages
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Wishing you joy, peace, and love this holiday season.
Warmest wishes for a wonderful Christmas.
May your holidays be filled with laughter and good times.
Happy Christmas from our family to yours.
Season's greetings and best wishes for the new year.
Joy to the world this festive season!
Have a holly jolly Christmas!
Peace and happiness to you and your loved ones.
Wishing you magical moments this Christmas.
short christmas sayings
Merry Christmas!
Joy to the world!
Peace on Earth.
Ho ho ho!
Jingle all the way.
Let it snow!
All I want for Christmas is you.
Deck the halls.
Have a holly jolly Christmas.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
funny christmas card sayings for family
"May your Christmas be merry and bright, and may all your family dinners end without a fight!"
"Hope Santa brings you everything you want, but mostly patience for the family game night chaos!"
"Wishing you a holiday season full of laughter, love, and zero awkward family photos!"
"You're the best gift I could ask for – even if you're a little wrapped up in holiday madness!"
"May your Christmas tree be the only thing that's lit this year, not the family arguments!"
"Happy holidays! Let's promise to eat all the cookies and blame it on the reindeer."
"From our nutty family to yours: May your Christmas be as fun as unwrapping a mystery gift!"
"Hoping your holidays are filled with joy, and your in-laws bring more cheer than stress!"
"Merry Christmas! Who needs a sleigh when we've got family drama to keep things exciting?"
"May your stockings be full and your family gatherings be free of that one relative's bad jokes!"
funny christmas card messages for best friend
Merry Christmas to my partner in crime! May your holidays be filled with as much laughter as our late-night adventures.
You're the only person I'd share my hot cocoa with—mostly because you steal it anyway. Have a hilariously happy Christmas!
Hope Santa brings you everything you asked for, except that embarrassing sweater I got you last year. Cheers to more fun times!
This Christmas, let's promise not to sing carols off-key again. Who am I kidding? You're stuck with me forever! Ho ho ho!
To my bestie: If you were a snowflake, you'd be the one that makes everyone slip and laugh. Merry Christmas, you absolute legend!
You're like a Christmas elf—short on patience but full of mischief. Wishing you a holiday season as wild as our friendship.
May your Christmas be merry and your New Year be even beerier! Thanks for being the best friend a person could ask for.
Forget the mistletoe; our friendship is the real magic. Let's make this Christmas as unforgettable as that time we [redacted]!
Santa called—he wants his 'naughty' list back because you're too awesome for it. Have a ridiculously fun Christmas, bestie!
You're the sprinkles on my Christmas cookie. Without you, life would be plain and boring. Let's celebrate in style!