Marriage is a beautiful journey, and a dash of humor never hurts! Here are some short and funny marriage advice quotes:
1. "Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener." - Unknown
2. "Marriage is a word, love is the thing." - Ambrose Redmoon
3. "I love being married. The name is mine, the income his." - Unknown
4. "Marriage is not just a relationship between two people, it's a three-way partnership: you, your spouse, and Netflix." - Unknown
5. "If I were two-faced, wouldn't I be wearing both sides?" - Abraham Lincoln (on being honest in marriage)
6. "I married my high school sweetheart. It was a fair fight." - Unknown
7. "The greatest happiness of the greatest number is not always the first consideration: sometimes it's just about getting them to do the dishes." - Unknown
8. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after going through all the clubs, you end up with a bunch of spades." - Unknown
9. "Love is not something you find; it's something that finds you. And then tries to kill you in your sleep." - Unknown
10. "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. But hey, who needs brains when you have love?" - Unknown
11. "The best thing about being married is having a permanent friend and partner in crime... or at least, that's what I keep telling my spouse." - Unknown
12. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, and then you take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down." - Unknown
13. "The secret to a happy marriage is not being married to someone who can't do a 30-second math problem." - Unknown
14. "I love my spouse more than I love pizza. And that's saying something, because I really love pizza." - Unknown
15. "Marriage is the union of two people who are perfect for each other... until they realize they're not." - Unknown
Remember, marriage is a journey, and laughter is the best medicine (after a good therapist, of course)!
I've got some great ones! Here are some short and funny marriage quotes:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but over time you get a lot of clubs."
2. "Why did the husband bring a ladder to the party? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!"
3. "My wife is always telling me to stop standing on the soap box and get off my high horse. I'm not sure what she's talking about, but I think it has something to do with marriage."
4. "We've been married 10 years now, and I can honestly say that I've never had a moment of boredom. Well, except for those 20 minutes this morning when my wife snored."
5. "Marriage is the union of two people who are meant to drive each other crazy. And then live together in a tiny apartment."
6. "I asked my wife why she was wearing her pajamas outside. She said it's because she's 'comfortable.' I said, 'That's not comfortable, that's just lazy!'"
7. "What do you call a group of cows taking marriage advice? A moo-riage counselor!"
8. "My wife and I had our 25th anniversary recently. We celebrated by re-wedding each other. It was a real yawn-fest."
9. "Why did the husband bring a magnet to the party? Because he wanted to attract some attention! (get it?)"
10. "Marriage is like a puzzle. You start with two pieces that fit together perfectly, and then over time you add more pieces that don't quite fit... but you love each other anyway."
I hope these quotes bring a smile to your face!
Here are some funny marriage advice quotes that you can share with your loved one:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you're just trying to find the club."
2. "Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener."
3. "The secret to a happy marriage is finding someone who is a little bit crazy in the same way that you are."
4. "Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurassic Park."
5. "We're not arguing, we're just explaining why I'm right."
6. "A successful marriage requires falling in love with the same person over and over again."
7. "Love each other or die trying. (Just kidding, we'll just give up and order takeout)"
8. "Marriage is a journey of discovery... discovering new ways to annoy each other."
9. "Love is like a game of Jenga... except you're not supposed to remove the wrong pieces."
10. "If I wanted to hear advice from someone else, I'd ask my wife."
11. "Marriage is like a box of chocolates - you never know what kind of crazy you'll get."
12. "I love you more than words can express... which is good because I'm not very good at expressing myself"
13. "The secret to marriage is not 'till death do us part', but 'until I forget where I put my keys'"
14. "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
15. "Love is blind... but marriage will give you a headache."
Remember, marriage is a journey that's full of ups and downs, twists and turns! But with love, laughter, and these funny quotes, you'll make it through the good times and the bad!
Feel free to share your own favorite funny marriage advice quote in the comments below!
Here are some funny marriage advice quotes that you can give to your husband:
1. "Marriage is a lot like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you just have a bunch of clubs."
2. "The secret to a happy marriage is finding someone who loves you more than they love pizza."
3. "Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. It's 100% me, 100% you, and 0% compromise."
4. "I'm not saying we're perfect, but our marriage is like a fine wine – it gets better with age...and also a little bit bitter."
5. "The three most important things in marriage are: communicate, compromise, and don't forget the three-year rule (where you pretend to listen while secretly planning your escape)."
6. "Marriage is like playing Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, then you take turns pulling out pieces until it all comes crashing down."
7. "My advice for a happy marriage? Make sure you love each other more than you love Netflix."
8. "The key to a successful marriage is finding someone who has the same weirdness as you. Then, just agree to pretend everything is normal when company comes over."
9. "Marriage is like a recipe – equal parts sugar, spice, and a dash of sarcasm."
10. "Remember, marriage is all about growing together...and also arguing about whose turn it is to do the dishes."
11. "I love my husband because he's always there for me – unless I'm watching The Office, then he's nowhere to be found."
12. "The secret to a happy marriage is never going to bed angry...or at least pretending you're not still mad when you wake up the next morning."
13. "Marriage is like being on a rollercoaster ride together – except instead of screams of excitement, it's just screams of 'Why did we do this?!'"
14. "My marriage advice? Don't get too attached to anything that can be destroyed by a dropped hammer or a misplaced sock."
15. "The most important thing in marriage is finding someone who loves you for who you are – even when you're being really annoying."
Remember, these quotes are meant to be lighthearted and humorous. The most important thing in any relationship is communication, respect, and a willingness to work through challenges together.
Let me see if I can come up with some "old-fashioned" yet humorous marriage advice:
1. **Never go to bed angry... unless you're really tired**: You know the drill - someone says something hurtful, and then you both storm off to bed without talking it out. Yeah, that's not going to end well.
2. **Communication is key... except when it's not**: I mean, what's the point of saying "honey, can you take out the trash" if your partner just shrugs and says "no"? Same with "I love you." Sometimes it's just better to just smile and nod.
3. **Love means never having to say you're sorry... about the in-laws**: Let's be real, folks - in-laws can be a real challenge. But hey, that's what marriage is all about, right? Figuring out ways to cope with annoying relatives?
4. **Marriage is like a game of Jenga: You never know when it'll all come crashing down**: Just kidding (kind of). But seriously, marriage is a journey, not a destination. And just like Jenga, you gotta be careful about how much stress you add to the pile or... well, you know.
5. **Never underestimate the power of a good 'I'm sorry' and a decent takeout**: When all else fails, a heartfelt apology and a fresh pizza can go a long way in mending fences (or at least making it seem like you're trying).
6. **Marriage is 90% compromise... and 10% pretending to listen while your partner talks about their feelings**: Okay, maybe that's just me? But honestly, sometimes the best thing to do is nod along, make supportive noises, and silently count down the minutes until bedtime.
7. **Love conquers all... except for when it doesn't**: Let's face it - love ain't always enough. Sometimes you gotta bring in the big guns (i.e., professional help) or just accept that some things are beyond your control.
8. **Remember, marriage is a journey... and so is therapy**: Just kidding! Sort of. But seriously, marriage takes work, folks. And sometimes that work involves talking to a professional about all the crazy stuff that's going on in your head (or at least just venting to a friend).
9. **Don't forget to laugh... or else you'll end up like me: cranky and complaining**: Marriage is supposed to be fun, right? So don't let things get too serious! Laugh often, make jokes, and remember that it's okay to be silly sometimes.
10. **Marriage is like a good pair of jeans: It only gets better with age (and some serious stretching)**: Okay, maybe this one doesn't quite apply, but I hope you got a chuckle out of it!
A wonderful idea! Here are some short and funny marriage quotes that your husband might enjoy:
1. "You're a-maze-ing!"
2. "I'm stuck on you like glue."
3. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you're just trying to find the club."
4. "We've reached a new level in our relationship... Level: Married"
5. "You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the Merlot to my pizza night, and the Wi-Fi to my Netflix binge."
6. "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
7. "Marriage is a workout... And I'm not just talking about the sex."
8. "We're not arguing, we're just explaining why we're right."
9. "I love how marriage has given me the courage to make fun of my partner in front of our friends and family."
10. "You're my person, my forever companion, and my personal Netflix password keeper."
Feel free to pick your favorite (or modify them) to express your playful side and show your husband that you still have a sense of humor after all these years!
Here are some humorous and tongue-in-cheek terrible marriage advice:
1. **"Make sure to schedule regular divorce sessions."** You know, just like you would schedule regular couples massages or date nights. Except instead of relaxation, it's yelling at each other in a therapist's office.
2. **"Always remember that your partner is secretly trying to kill you."** Okay, maybe not literally, but definitely figuratively. Just kidding! (Or are we?)
3. **"Never go to bed angry... unless you're really tired and just want to sleep."** Priorities, people!
4. **"The key to a happy marriage is to have separate bathrooms."** Because let's be real, sometimes you just need some alone time... in the bathroom.
5. **"Communicate effectively by ignoring each other for hours on end."** It's like they say: "A problem shared is a problem not worth talking about."
6. **"Make sure to have a 'fight jar' and write down all your disagreements."** Just think of it as a fun way to keep track of your arguments... until you forget about the jar and it becomes a dusty relic of your failed relationship.
7. **"The most important thing is to never, ever, I repeat NEVER agree on anything."** This way, you'll always have something to argue about!
8. **"Marriage is like a game of Jenga: just add more stress and hope it doesn't all come crashing down."**
9. **"A healthy marriage is one where you both secretly wish the other person would just leave already."** It's like they say: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder... for a good divorce lawyer."
10. **"The secret to a happy marriage is to never, ever look at each other again after the wedding ceremony."** Because honestly, what's the point of even trying?
Remember, these are just terrible marriage advice jokes and not meant to be taken seriously!
Here are some funny marriage advice quotes specifically for a wife:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years you're just trying to find the club that'll get you out of there."
2. "The secret to a happy marriage is finding someone who loves you more than they love pizza."
3. "Marriage is a journey, not a destination. Unless you can order in. Then it's a destination."
4. "When your husband says 'I'm fine,' he means he's not fine. When I say 'I'm fine,' I mean I'm not fine. That's marriage."
5. "Love is blind, but marriage is where the real eye-opener happens."
6. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation and then take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down."
7. "The best thing about being married is having someone to share your Netflix password with."
8. "A happy marriage is when two people are in love, and still want to eat the last slice of pizza."
9. "Marriage is a beautiful thing... until you run out of clean socks."
10. "Being married is like being on a rollercoaster ride, except instead of going up and down, it's just a slow decline into insanity."
11. "The secret to a successful marriage is finding someone who doesn't mind when you leave the cap off the toothpaste... or when you eat all the ice cream by yourself."
12. "Marriage is like a puzzle, except the pieces are constantly changing and sometimes they don't even fit together anymore."
13. "When your husband says 'you're beautiful,' he means it. When I say it to myself in the mirror, I mean I'm tired and need a nap."
14. "The key to a happy marriage is finding someone who doesn't mind when you borrow their car... without asking."
15. "Marriage is like a game of poker. You start with two hearts, but after a few rounds, you're just trying to bluff your way out of the mess you've created."
Remember, these are all in good humor and not meant to be taken seriously!