Marriage humor! Here are some short and funny quotes about marriage:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you're just trying to find the club that ain't got no face."
2. "I love being married. The only thing I don't like about it is the wife."
3. "Marriage is a workshop where you learn how to make your partner happy, while secretly hoping they'll do the same for you."
4. "Marriage: Where two people become one... and then fight over who left the dishes in the sink."
5. "I don't know what's more exhausting, being married or pretending to be single on social media."
6. "My marriage is like a game of Jenga. We're constantly removing pieces, hoping it doesn't all come crashing down."
7. "Marriage: Where you find your best friend and then realize they're the one person who knows how to make you cry."
8. "Why did I get married? Because I'm stupid. Okay, that's not why... but it was a close second."
9. "The most important thing in marriage is finding someone who loves you more than pizza."
10. "Marriage: Where you learn to appreciate the little things... like your partner not leaving the toilet seat up for 17 days straight."
11. "I love my wife, but sometimes I think she's trying to kill me with her cooking. 'Honey, I made your favorite dish!' No, you didn't. It's a crime against humanity."
12. "Marriage is like a puzzle. Sometimes the pieces fit together perfectly, and other times you're just trying to find the missing sock."
13. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right... about 99% of the time in our marriage."
14. "My wife says I'm always right. She's wrong."
15. "Marriage: Where two people become one... and then one person becomes the referee for the other person's fantasy football team."
Remember, humor is subjective, so take these quotes with a grain of salt (or a dash of sarcasm).
Here are some funny marriage captions for your social media posts:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after 10 years you're just trying to find the club."
2. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
3. "Marriage: where you learn to love someone more than pizza, coffee, and Netflix combined"
4. "My husband said I'm his favorite person to argue with. I think that's code for 'I love you, but also hate your opinions'."
5. "Why did we get married? Because we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together... and also because we really loved each other's Netflix passwords."
6. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, then you take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down"
7. "What did I learn from my first marriage? That divorce can be a real 'growing experience'... said no one ever"
8. "When someone asks me how's married life treating me, I just smile and say 'same as always: arguing about who left the dishes in the sink'"
9. "Marriage is like a math problem. You add love, subtract sleep, multiply stress, and divide sanity. Then you get the answer: 'I love you, but also hate your snoring'."
10. "Why did we get married? Because I wanted someone to share my life with... and also because my mom said it was a good idea"
11. "Marriage is like a puzzle. You start with two pieces that fit together perfectly, then you add more pieces that don't quite fit, but somehow make the picture look better anyway."
12. "What's the secret to a happy marriage? Realizing that your partner isn't actually trying to drive you crazy... it's just their natural state"
13. "Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You never know what kind of crazy you're gonna get, but you love 'em all anyway"
14. "Why did we get married? Because I wanted someone to share my Netflix password with... and also because I love them more than pizza (but not as much as coffee)"
15. "Marriage is like a game of chess. You start with the goal of capturing your opponent's king, but then you realize you're just trying to survive until bedtime"
Feel free to customize them or use them as inspiration for your own funny marriage captions!
A great topic! Here are some funny and relatable marriage quotes that new couples might enjoy:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you're just trying to find the club."
2. "I love being married. The name is no longer important. You are still the same person I fell in love with. But now, we get to share all our experiences together."
3. "Marriage is an adventure, not a destination. And honestly, sometimes it feels like we're lost in the woods, but at least we're in this together"
4. "Being married is like being stuck in an elevator with someone you love... but eventually, you learn to appreciate the view from the top floor."
5. "Marriage: where two people become one... and then realize they're still two, but now there's another person to blame when things go wrong."
6. "I never knew how much I loved my spouse until we got married and I realized that person is stuck with me forever"
7. "The biggest advantage of marriage is that you can pick your mate very carefully... then spend the rest of your life regretting it."
8. "Marriage: where you learn to love someone's snoring, farting, and constant requests for snacks"
9. "We're not perfect, but we're perfect for each other... and also a little bit crazy"
10. "Marriage is like playing Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, then you take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down. But at least you're in it together."
11. "When we got married, I promised to love my spouse for better or for worse... and honestly, the 'worse' part has been pretty entertaining"
12. "Marriage is like a rollercoaster ride of emotions, but with more laundry and less excitement."
13. "I never thought I'd say this, but getting married was the best decision I ever made... except when it wasn't"
14. "Our marriage is like a puzzle: sometimes the pieces fit together perfectly, and other times we just stare at the box and wonder what the heck we're doing"
15. "Marriage is all about compromise. Like, I'll let you sleep in, but then you have to make me breakfast"
Remember, these quotes are meant to be light-hearted and playful. Marriage is a beautiful journey, and every couple has their own unique experiences!
A great topic! Here are some funny one-liners for marriage advice:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after 10 years you're just trying to find the club that will get you out of the house."
2. "The secret to a happy marriage? Not killing each other... yet."
3. "If at first you don't succeed, hide the evidence that you tried."
4. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation and then take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down."
5. "The key to a successful marriage? Agreeing to disagree... and then quietly resenting each other in private."
6. "Why did the husband bring a ladder to the party? He heard the drinks were on the house!"
7. "Marriage is like a pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
8. "The secret to a happy marriage? Having separate bathrooms... and also not killing each other"
9. "If you want to make your marriage last, remember: a good sense of humor is the best aphrodisiac... and also a really good therapist."
10. "Marriage is like a puzzle. You start with two people who fit together perfectly, but then life comes along and you're left trying to find the missing pieces."
11. "The key to a successful marriage? Not getting tired of each other's voices... or at least pretending not to."
12. "Why did the couple bring a map on their wedding night? Because they wanted to get lost together!"
13. "Marriage is like a game of chess. You start with a solid strategy, but then you realize your opponent has checkmated you... and you're stuck paying alimony."
14. "The secret to a happy marriage? Having separate Netflix accounts... and also not watching the same shows"
15. "If at first you don't succeed, redefine what success means."
Remember, these are just jokes! Marriage is a beautiful and rewarding journey (most of the time).
Here are some short and funny marriage quotes that you can use to make your husband smile:
1. "You're the reason I'm not 30 yet."
2. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
3. "Marriage is a journey, not a destination. And honestly, some days it feels like we're just trying to get there without getting lost... or divorced."
4. "You're my favorite human being to be around. (Mostly because I have to be with you anyway)."
5. "I love how we can still make each other laugh after all these years. And by 'all these years,' I mean since we got married and started making fun of each other's snoring."
6. "Marriage is the best thing that has ever happened to me, mostly because it means I'm stuck with you forever."
7. "I love being married to someone who still thinks I'm pretty hot after all these years. (And by 'hot,' I mean not completely gross and disgusting)."
8. "We may have our differences, but we also have Netflix. And that's what keeps us together."
9. "You're the only person I know who can simultaneously make me laugh and drive me crazy. (In a good way... mostly.)"
10. "I love how we can still surprise each other after all these years. Like finding out you ate the last slice of pizza without telling me."
11. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. Except instead of blocks, it's our sanity and self-respect. And instead of winning, we just try not to crash and burn."
12. "I love being married to someone who still lets me win at games (mostly)."
13. "You're the reason I don't have gray hair... yet. (But let's be real, it's only a matter of time.)"
14. "Marriage is like having a permanent sleepover with your best friend. Except instead of playing video games and eating Cheetos, we fight over who left the cap off the toothpaste."
15. "I love how we can still have deep conversations about important things... like which TV show to watch tonight."
Remember, the most important thing is to make your husband laugh and feel loved!
Here are some humorous marriage tips for newlyweds:
1. **Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you're just trying to find the club that will get you out of there**.
2. **Remember, no matter what your wife says, she's right. Even if it makes no sense whatsoever**.
3. **The secret to a happy marriage is finding someone who likes you for who you are... and then slowly changing them into someone like you**.
4. **When your partner leaves the toilet seat up, just pretend it's a trapdoor and they're in a game show. "Come on down!"**
5. **In marriage, every day is a negotiation. What do I get? What do I give? Who gets to sleep until noon?**
6. **Marriage is like a puzzle. You start with two pieces that fit together perfectly, but then you add more pieces and suddenly it's a mess. But hey, at least it's a beautiful mess**.
7. **The most important thing in marriage is not to forget your wedding anniversary... or your wife will remind you every day for the rest of your life**.
8. **When your partner leaves their dirty socks on the floor, just remember: they're not lazy, they're just trying to start a sock revolution**.
9. **Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You take turns removing pieces and hoping it doesn't all come crashing down**.
10. **In marriage, communication is key. Unless you're tired, in which case just nod and pretend you understand what they're saying**.
11. **The secret to a happy marriage is not arguing over who left the cap off the toothpaste... but actually, that's half the battle**.
12. **Marriage is like a game of chess. You make moves, your partner makes counter-moves, and eventually you both end up checkmated and wondering how you got there**.
13. **When your partner says they're going to the store for milk and comes back with 17 pairs of shoes, just nod and say "Ah, good shopping!"**
14. **Marriage is like a recipe: equal parts love, laughter, and compromise... plus a dash of sarcasm and eye-rolling**.
15. **The most important thing in marriage is not to forget that you're both in this together... unless one of you has forgotten the other's name, which can happen**.
Remember, these are just lighthearted jokes and not actual marriage advice (although, let's be honest, a little humor never hurt anyone)!
Here are some funny quotes about marriage and love:
**Marriage:**
1. "Marriage is a word, like 'phlogiston' or 'domicile', that doesn't mean much unless you know what it's referring to."
— Woody Allen
2. "I love being married. The name is the only thing that gets better with time."
— Ellen DeGeneres
3. "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
— H.L. Mencken
4. "My wife and I, we're like two peas in a pod... or rather, two peas in a pod that's been through a washing machine and come out all tangled up."
— Unknown
5. "I love my wife and she loves me, but we both have a hard time with intimacy, mainly because of our lack of furniture."
**Love:**
1. "Love is the only sane and logical thing to do in an insane world."
— Unknown
2. "I love you more than I love pizza, and that's a whole lot."
— Unknown
3. "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for something higher."
— Nicholas Sparks
4. "Love is not something you find, it's something that finds you... usually when you're drunk or hungover."
— Unknown
5. "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
— Unknown (but we'll let it slide since it's about love)
**Marriage and Love:**
1. "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers."
— Robert Quillen
2. "Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."
— Maya Angelou
3. "Marriage is a journey, not a destination... and sometimes you need GPS to find your way back to the couch."
— Unknown
4. "I love you because I love you. You are my best friend, my confidante, my partner in every sense of the word."
— Unknown
5. "Marriage is the greatest adventure on earth... except for that one time we went to IKEA without a map or snacks."
Remember, marriage and love can be hilarious, but they're also serious business (just kidding, sort of).
Here are some short, funny, and loving marriage quotes for your wife:
1. "You're a-maize-ing!"
2. "I married you because you're my best friend... but don't think that means I won't still find ways to annoy you."
3. "You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the Merlot to my pizza night, and the Netflix to my binge-watching habits."
4. "Love is blind, but marriage is what really screws with your eyesight."
5. "Why did we get married? Because I couldn't imagine living without you... or having to pay alimony."
6. "You're not just my wife, you're my partner in crime, my accomplice in shenanigans, and my forever friend."
7. "Marriage is like a deck of cards... you start with two hearts and a diamond, but over time you realize that most of the cards are just jokers."
8. "You're not getting older, you're just leveling up in life. And I'm here to help you defeat all the boss levels."
9. "Love is like playing the guitar – it takes practice, patience, and a willingness to tune out your neighbor's cat meowing at 3 am."
10. "I love you more than pizza, but not as much as I love pizza with anchovies."
11. "Marriage is a game of Jenga... we take turns pulling pieces out and hoping it doesn't all come crashing down."
12. "You're the sunshine to my cloudy days, the coffee to my morning routine, and the Wi-Fi to my Netflix binges."
13. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point while completely dismissing yours."
14. "We may not have a perfect marriage, but we do have a perfectly imperfect love for each other."
15. "You're my favorite person to argue with, my go-to partner in shenanigans, and my forever home."
Remember, these quotes are meant to be light-hearted and playful, so don't worry if your wife doesn't take them too seriously (unless you're trying to get out of doing the dishes, then maybe try a different approach).