very short funny quotes
"I'm not arguing; I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a wine."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
funny crazy quotes
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you could be impossible?"
"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
very short funny quotes about life
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it's full of nuts.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm texting.
Why fit in when you can stand out and trip over something?
Life doesn't get easier; you just get better at dodging the drama.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, I eat it.
funny crazy quotes about life
Life is like a box of chocolates; it's full of nuts.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Age is something that doesn't matter... unless you are a wine.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.
The road to success is always under construction.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
funny quotes of the day
I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I put the 'pro' in procrastinator.
short funny motivational quotes
If you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
I haven't failed; I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to take the stairs.
Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it's your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.
Opportunities don't happen. You create them, and sometimes you trip over them while looking for something else.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take—Warren Buffett probably wishes he said that.
Don't wait for the perfect moment; take the moment and make it perfect, even if it's a mess.
funny quotes about me
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
"I am not a product of my circumstances. I’m a product of my decisions."
"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
"I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do."
funny quotes on life
"Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get." – Forrest Gump
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." – Lily Tomlin
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." – Mark Twain
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." – Anonymous
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." – Mark Twain
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good." – Stephen Wright
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back." – Oscar Wilde