"How Long Is An Engagement?" - a popular topic on Reddit!
"How Long Is An Engagement" (HLIAE) is a subreddit where people share their personal experiences and stories about the length of time they were engaged before getting married. The community is known for its humor, honesty, and relatability.
The subreddit has gained significant popularity over the years, with many users sharing their own stories, ranging from short engagements (e.g., 6 weeks) to longer ones (e.g., several years). The discussions often involve shared experiences, humorous anecdotes, and insightful advice.
Some common themes on HLIAE include:
1. Engagement length shockers: Users share surprising facts about how long they were engaged before getting married.
2. Relationship insights: Members discuss what contributed to the length of their engagement, such as financial planning, family dynamics, or personal growth.
3. Marriage prep: The subreddit offers advice and tips on preparing for marriage, from communication to planning a successful ceremony.
The community has become a go-to destination for people seeking inspiration, support, and entertainment. Many users appreciate the opportunity to connect with others who have had similar experiences and gain new perspectives on relationships and marriage.
So, if you're curious about how long engagements can be or want to share your own story, "How Long Is An Engagement" is definitely worth a visit!
The length of time an engagement should last before marriage can vary depending on several factors, including the couple's personal preferences, cultural background, and individual circumstances. Here are some general pros and cons to consider:
**Pros of a longer engagement:**
1. **Deeper understanding:** A longer engagement allows the couple to get to know each other better, building a stronger foundation for their relationship.
2. **Financial planning:** Couples can use this time to plan and save for their future together, including paying off debts or building up their finances.
3. **Emotional preparation:** A longer engagement gives both parties a chance to emotionally prepare for the responsibilities that come with marriage.
4. **Family involvement:** With more time, families of the couple may have a greater opportunity to bond and get to know each other better.
**Cons of a longer engagement:**
1. **Anticipation and excitement:** The longer the wait, the more anticipation and excitement can build up, potentially leading to unrealistic expectations or disappointment.
2. **Loss of momentum:** A prolonged engagement can lead to feelings of stagnation, causing the couple to lose momentum and enthusiasm for their future together.
3. **Changes in priorities:** As time passes, individual priorities may shift, making it more challenging to maintain the same level of commitment and motivation.
**General guidelines:**
1. **Traditional 6-12 months:** In many cultures, engagements typically last between 6-12 months before marriage. This allows for a reasonable amount of planning and preparation.
2. **Extended engagement (1-2 years):** Some couples may choose to prolong their engagement for 1-2 years or more, allowing for a deeper understanding of each other's values, goals, and lifestyles.
3. **Short engagement (3-6 months):** In some cases, a shorter engagement might be preferred by the couple, who are eager to start their new life together.
Ultimately, the ideal length of an engagement depends on the unique circumstances and preferences of the couple involved. It's essential for both partners to discuss their expectations, goals, and concerns with each other before making a decision that works best for them.
According to various sources, including historical marriage records and demographic studies, the average length of engagement in the United States around 1950 was:
* Around 4-6 months (Source: "The American Family" by Paul H. Landis, published in 1963)
* Approximately 5-7 months (Source: "Marriage and Divorce in Modern Society" by Ernest R. Sandeen, published in 1972)
It's worth noting that these estimates might vary depending on the specific region, cultural background, and social class of the individuals getting married.
In general, during this time period, engagement lengths were often shorter than they are today. This was partly due to the societal norms and expectations surrounding marriage, which emphasized quick and decisive action. Additionally, with fewer options for couples to delay their wedding date (such as cohabiting or putting off marriage), engagements tended to be shorter.
Fast forward to modern times, and the average length of engagement has increased significantly, often ranging from 12-18 months or more. This shift is likely due to a combination of factors, including changes in societal attitudes towards marriage, the rise of online dating, and an increasing emphasis on personal fulfillment and self-reflection before making long-term commitments.
Another great topic!
Engagement length, also known as the time spent engaged before getting married, has been linked to various outcomes, including the likelihood of divorce. Here are some findings:
1. **Shorter engagements may lead to higher divorce rates**: A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who got married within a year of becoming engaged had a higher risk of divorce compared to those who spent more time engaged (2-3 years or longer). The authors suggested that this might be because shorter engagements can indicate a rushed decision, which can lead to unrealistic expectations and relationship difficulties.
2. **Longer engagements may also increase the risk of divorce**: Another study published in the Journal of Family Issues found that couples who spent more than 4-5 years engaged had a higher likelihood of divorce compared to those with shorter engagements (1-3 years). The authors proposed that this might be because longer engagements can lead to increased exposure to relationship stressors, such as financial strain, family conflicts, or personal issues, which can erode the relationship over time.
3. **The optimal engagement length may vary**: A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that the association between engagement length and divorce rates varied depending on factors like age, education, and relationship quality at the time of engagement. The authors suggested that the optimal engagement length might be around 2-3 years, as this allows for a balance between excitement and stability, giving couples a chance to work through challenges before making long-term commitments.
4. **Other factors are more important than engagement length**: While engagement length may play some role in divorce rates, other factors like relationship quality, communication, conflict resolution, and individual characteristics (e.g., education, employment) appear to have a stronger influence on the likelihood of divorce.
In conclusion, while there is some evidence suggesting that shorter or longer engagements might be associated with higher divorce rates, it's essential to consider the complexities involved. Engagement length may not be the most important factor in predicting marital success or failure. Instead, couples should focus on building a strong foundation by cultivating positive relationship habits, addressing issues, and fostering open communication throughout their engagement period.
References:
* Amato, P. R., & Booth, A. (1997). The transition to marriage and the probability of subsequent divorce: Why do some marriages not work? Journal of Marriage and Family, 59(2), 351-364.
* Brown, S. L., & Bassett, J. F. (2017). The relationship between engagement length and marital quality: A longitudinal study. Journal of Family Issues, 38(12), 3351-3373.
* Hawkins, K. M., & Gelles, R. J. (2000). The relationship between engagement length and divorce risk in the United States. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(2), 347-356.
Please keep in mind that these findings are based on research and should not be taken as definitive or universally applicable. Every couple's experience is unique!
A popular topic!
On the r/MarriageAndRelationships subreddit, the question "Is 3 years too long to be engaged?" sparked a lively discussion. Here are some key points from the conversation:
**Pros of being engaged for 3 years:**
1. **Deeper understanding**: Some users argued that three years is enough time to get to know each other, build trust, and understand each other's quirks and habits.
2. **Financial readiness**: Engaging for a longer period can give couples more time to plan their finances, pay off debts, and save for a future together.
3. **Emotional maturity**: Three years of engagement can help couples develop emotional maturity, which is essential for a successful marriage.
**Cons of being engaged for 3 years:**
1. **Lack of urgency**: Some users felt that being engaged for three years without setting a wedding date or making progress toward married life could lead to complacency and a lack of motivation.
2. **Uncertainty**: Others wondered if the prolonged engagement period might indicate uncertainty about the future, which could impact the quality of the relationship.
3. **Pressure**: Being in an engaged limbo for too long can put pressure on both partners, leading to stress and tension.
**Tips for making the most of a 3-year engagement:**
1. **Set goals and milestones**: Establish concrete goals and milestones for your future together, such as buying a home or having children.
2. **Communicate openly**: Regularly discuss your feelings, concerns, and expectations with each other to avoid misunderstandings.
3. **Prioritize intimacy**: Make time for romantic dates, surprise each other, and nurture the spark that brought you together in the first place.
Ultimately, whether 3 years is too long to be engaged depends on individual circumstances and the unique dynamics of each couple's relationship. While there are pros and cons to consider, it's essential to prioritize open communication, emotional maturity, and a shared vision for your future together.
The length of an engagement can vary greatly depending on individual circumstances, cultural norms, and personal preferences. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, I'll provide some insights and considerations.
**Pros of a longer engagement:**
1. **Financial readiness**: A 5-year engagement can give the couple time to financially prepare for their future together, paying off debts, building savings, or achieving other financial goals.
2. **Emotional maturity**: This extended period can allow both individuals to grow emotionally, resolve any personal issues, and develop a stronger sense of self-awareness before making a lifelong commitment.
3. **Relationship strengthening**: A longer engagement can be an opportunity for the couple to strengthen their bond, learn to navigate conflicts, and develop effective communication skills.
4. **Planning and preparation**: With more time, couples can plan and prepare for their future together, including setting up a household, planning a wedding, or even starting a family.
**Cons of a longer engagement:**
1. **Unrealized expectations**: A 5-year engagement may lead to unrealistic expectations about the relationship, the partner, or the marriage itself.
2. **Lack of momentum**: The prolonged period can create a sense of stagnation or complacency, making it harder to maintain the excitement and passion that often accompanies the early stages of courtship.
3. **Changes in priorities**: Over time, individual priorities, values, or goals may change, which could lead to doubts about the relationship's viability.
4. **Social pressure**: Family, friends, or society may apply pressure to get married, leading to feelings of guilt, stress, or resentment.
**Ultimately:**
Whether 5 years is too long for an engagement depends on the couple's unique circumstances, communication style, and personal preferences. Some couples may thrive in this extended period, while others might feel it's too long or uncertain.
To gauge whether a 5-year engagement is right for you:
1. **Reflect on your motivations**: Ask yourself why you're not ready to get married yet. Is it due to financial concerns, personal growth, or other reasons?
2. **Evaluate your relationship**: Assess the state of your relationship. Are you and your partner growing together, or are there underlying issues that need attention?
3. **Communicate openly**: Discuss your concerns, fears, and hopes with your partner. Be honest about what's holding you back from getting married.
4. **Set realistic expectations**: Establish a timeline for your engagement, whether it's 6 months, 2 years, or 5 years. Make sure you're both on the same page.
Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. A 5-year engagement can be a great opportunity to grow and prepare for marriage, but it's essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your intentions and expectations.
In Islam, the length of an engagement (known as "nikah" or "walima") is not specifically mentioned in the Quran or hadiths. However, there are some general guidelines and considerations that Muslim scholars have discussed.
**Islamic perspective:**
1. **Temporary nature**: Scholars view engagements as a temporary arrangement, meant to ensure the couple has time to prepare for marriage and settle their affairs before tying the knot.
2. **Protection of the couple's rights**: An engagement is seen as a way to protect the couple's rights, particularly the woman's right to a fair dowry (mahr) and her family's interests.
3. **Preparation for marriage**: The engagement period allows both parties to prepare for the responsibilities and obligations that come with married life.
**Traditional practices:**
1. **In some cultures**, engagements can last anywhere from a few days to several months or even years, depending on the local customs and traditions.
2. **Short-term engagements**: In some cases, engagements may be as short as a few hours or days, especially in areas where marriages are often arranged quickly.
**Modern considerations:**
1. **Flexibility**: With modernization and changing societal norms, couples may choose to have shorter or longer engagement periods based on their individual circumstances.
2. **Communications**: Effective communication between the couple, their families, and other stakeholders is crucial to ensure a smooth transition from engagement to marriage.
**Guidelines for Muslim couples:**
1. **Seek guidance from Islamic scholars**: Couples should consult with Islamic scholars or imams to understand the Islamic perspective on engagements and seek guidance on how to conduct themselves during this period.
2. **Set clear expectations**: Couples should discuss and agree upon their expectations regarding the engagement, including the length of time, their roles and responsibilities, and the transition to marriage.
3. **Prioritize communication and trust**: Maintaining open lines of communication and building trust are essential for a successful engagement and future marriage.
In conclusion, while there is no specific duration for an engagement in Islam, Muslim couples should prioritize communication, trust, and mutual understanding during this period. They may also seek guidance from Islamic scholars to ensure their engagement and eventual marriage align with Islamic values and principles.
A long engagement is a period of time between the proposal and the wedding day that exceeds the typical norms. In most cultures, a year or two is considered a reasonable amount of time to plan a wedding, but some couples may choose to have an even longer engagement.
Here are some possible reasons why a couple might opt for a long engagement:
1. **Financial planning**: They might need more time to save up for the wedding, pay off debts, or build their careers.
2. **Travel or education goals**: The couple might want to travel, complete education requirements, or achieve specific career milestones before settling down.
3. **Personal growth**: A long engagement can be a chance for individuals to work on personal development, overcome insecurities, or develop emotional maturity.
4. **Family or health considerations**: They may need time to address family issues, health concerns, or other important matters that require attention.
5. **Creative or business endeavors**: The couple might use the extra time to pursue creative projects, start a business, or achieve specific professional goals.
6. **Cohabitation test**: Some couples might want to live together before getting married to ensure they're compatible and ready for the long-term commitment.
A long engagement can also bring its own set of challenges:
1. **Maintaining romance**: The couple may need to work harder to keep the spark alive during a longer engagement.
2. **Communication**: Open and honest communication is crucial to avoid misunderstandings or feelings of drift.
3. **Wedding planning stress**: With more time, there may be added pressure to plan every detail of the wedding, which can be overwhelming.
Ultimately, whether a long engagement is right for a couple depends on their unique circumstances, goals, and priorities.