I've got some hilarious and savage quote ideas for you:
**Savage Quotes**
1. When someone tries to gaslight you: "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
2. When you finally get out of a bad relationship: "New chapter, who dis?"
3. When your friend asks how you're doing: "Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out how I survived the last 5 years"
4. When someone tells you to calm down: "I'm not calm because you're not listening"
5. When you realize you're an adult: "Who else is just pretending to have their life together?"
**Funny Quotes**
1. When you're trying to adult but still eating cereal for dinner: "Adulting is hard, but breakfast is essential."
2. When someone asks what's new with you: "Oh, just the usual... and by 'usual' I mean my cat still won't do tricks"
3. When you finally understand a meme: "I was slow to catch on, but now I'm an expert in internet slang"
4. When your friend tells you they're going to start eating healthy: "Good luck with that... you mean after the pizza party tonight?"
5. When you realize you're not as cool as you thought: "It turns out being 'cool' is just a myth perpetuated by middle schoolers"
**Short Quotes**
1. "Coffee fuels my soul"
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm conserving energy"
3. "My brain is 90% Netflix and 10% thinking about Netflix"
4. "Procrastination is my superpower"
5. "Good vibes only... unless someone takes my snacks"
Remember to keep your quotes short, funny, and relatable for Instagram!
Here are some short, funny, and savage quotes that might be perfect for a guy:
**Sassy & Sarcastic**
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
2. "You're not lazy, you're just on energy-saving mode."
3. "I don't have a attitude problem, you have a perception problem."
**Rude & Roasted**
1. "If you can read this, thank your mom because she had to do all the work."
2. "You know what they say: 'a true friend will always lend you their car... or at least let you borrow their phone'."
3. "I'm not saying you're old, but I heard the early bird special is calling your name."
**Puns & Jokes**
1. "Why did the guy bring a ladder to the party? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!"
2. "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."
3. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
**Savage & Real**
1. "Don't talk to me about your feelings, I'm still trying to figure out mine."
2. "If you can't handle the heat, get out of my kitchen... or at least turn on some AC."
3. "You're not a morning person? That's just code for 'I'm not a functioning member of society'."
Remember, these quotes are meant to be lighthearted and playful, so keep that in mind when sharing them with the guy!
I've got some doozies for you! Here are some short, funny, and savage quotes that'll make your friends LOL:
1. "You're not lazy, you're just on energy-saving mode."
2. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
3. "When in doubt, add more cheese"
4. "If you can't take the heat, stay out of my kitchen (and don't even think about touching my snacks)"
5. "Procrastination is my superpower... and also my downfall"
6. "I'm not a morning person... or an afternoon person... or an evening person. I'm just a 'whenever the coffee kicks in' person"
7. "Don't @ me, bro. (Unless you're ready for a savage roasting)"
8. "Life hack: if someone asks how you're doing, just say 'I'm good.' Trust me, they won't ask again."
9. "Savage mode activated: when someone tells you to 'be positive,' respond with 'be realistic'"
10. "Warning: my sass level is off the charts today"
11. "If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to calm down, I'd have at least 5 dollars by now... and still be fuming"
12. "Don't worry about what others think – you're perfect just the way you are (but let's be real, we all know that's not true)"
13. "I'm not arguing; I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours"
14. "Savage alert: when someone asks how your day is going, respond with 'it's a struggle'"
15. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you existential dread, make a strong cocktail"
Share these quotes with your friends and enjoy the LOLs!
Here are some short, funny, and savage quotes that might appeal to her:
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
2. "You're so beautiful, you can't even see the exit signs anymore."
3. "If you're tired of being single, try being alone for a little while. It's like a spa day...for one."
4. "Why do we park on driveways and drive on parking lots?"
5. "What's the difference between a pizza and a calzone? One's got more crust."
6. "If you can't take the heat, stay out of my kitchen...or just make me some toast."
7. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy...for Netflix."
8. "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."
9. "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field...of corn."
10. "Don't talk to me about your love life unless you're willing to listen to my love life, which is just me eating ice cream alone at 2 AM."
11. "What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band."
12. "If I wanted to give you advice, I'd say 'get some sleep'...but let's be real, you're gonna ignore that and stay up all night anyway."
13. "Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide."
14. "What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh...just kidding, it's a fish without eyes."
15. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
Remember, these are meant to be light-hearted and playful, so don't take them too seriously!
You want some short, funny, and savage quotes about life? Here are some:
1. "Life is like a pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
2. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference."
3. "Adulting is hard, but at least we have Netflix to distract us from our impending doom."
4. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you Covid, make a hot mess."
5. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode. Like my phone."
6. "Life is short, but the line at Starbucks is long. Priorities, people!"
7. "I'm not arguing with you, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
8. "Why do we park on driveways and drive on parks? Because life is weird, that's why."
9. "When you're feeling down, remember: someone somewhere is having a worse day than you. And by 'someone,' I mean my in-laws."
10. "Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what kind of disappointment you'll get."
11. "I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference... and also I'm winning this argument."
12. "Why do we have to grow up? Can't we just stay in kindergarten forever? 'Cause that's the only time we got to play all day and pretend it's recess."
13. "Life is like a video game - sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but at least you get a chance to try again... until you run out of lives."
14. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy for more important things... like scrolling through my phone."
15. "When life gives you rain, make a mud slide. When life gives you snow, make an igloo. You get the idea."
Remember, these quotes are meant to be funny and lighthearted. Don't take them too seriously, or you might end up with a savage case of existential dread
I've got some goodies for you! Here are some short, funny, and savage quotes about love:
1. "Love is like pizza: even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode... for my relationships."
3. "Love me or hate me, I'm a hot mess and you'll still want to date me."
4. "You can't buy love, but you can buy ice cream and that's kinda the same thing, right?"
5. "Relationship goals: me, eating Cheetos on the couch while my partner does the dishes... alone."
6. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. Love is all about compromise... in a dictatorship."
7. "Love isn't blind; it's just really good at ignoring red flags and warning signs."
8. "When love turns into Netflix and chill, you know something's wrong."
9. "I love you more than pizza, but let's be real, that's not saying much."
10. "My love life is like a video game: I start with high hopes, get addicted to the thrill, then level up to 'realistic expectations' and finally die from disappointment."
11. "Love is a many-splendored thing... until it becomes a many-argued thing and then we both just throw things at each other."
12. "I'm not saying my partner is lazy, but I had to teach them how to do the dishes... in 2018."
13. "When bae says 'we're good,' what they mean is 'I'm done talking about it for now.'"
14. "Love isn't a choice; it's a series of poor life decisions and desperate attempts to fill emotional voids."
15. "My love life is like a rollercoaster: it's fun, then it's not, then I get motion sickness from the constant ups and downs."
Remember, these quotes are meant to be humorous and lighthearted. Treat your partner right (or don't, we won't judge)!
I've got some savage and funny quotes that are perfect for Instagram:
1. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
2. "When you finally find someone who loves you for who you are... only to realize they're a stalker"
3. "My therapist says I have 'anger issues'. My mom just says I need a nap"
4. "Why do people always say 'good luck'? Like, what even is good luck? Is it like a thing that happens or something?"
5. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right"
6. "When you're trying to adult but your inner child is still playing with playdough "
7. "Life hack: just pretend you're a functioning member of society and people will leave you alone "
8. "My love life is like a pizza delivery guy - it's always late, cold, and often forgotten"
9. "When someone asks what your hobbies are... and you're just really good at scrolling through memes"
10. "I'm not saying I'm a hot mess, but I've got a fire extinguisher in my car 'just in case'"
11. "People say 'good vibes only', but honestly, sometimes a good tantrum is exactly what you need "
12. "When you realize your life is just a series of unfulfilled promises to yourself"
13. "Don't @ me, bro... unless you're willing to get roasted"
14. "My stress levels are like a rollercoaster - they go up and down, but mostly up "
15. "Life is like a box of chocolates - except sometimes the chocolates are just rocks"
Feel free to copy-paste these into your Instagram caption game!
You want some savage quotes to roast those haters, huh? Here are some clever and witty responses to shut down the negativity:
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
2. "If you can't handle the truth, then stop talking to me."
3. "You're so jealous of my success that you forgot what a real smile looks like."
4. "When you're done hating on me, come back and talk to me."
5. "I don't have time for your negativity. I'm too busy winning."
6. "Your opinions are irrelevant. My life is still going to be amazing."
7. "You can't hate on someone who's doing better than you without looking in the mirror first."
8. "If you're not adding value, then please just stop talking."
9. "I don't care what you think. I'm still going to succeed and make my dreams come true."
10. "Your insults are like rainbows – weak and easily ignored."
11. "The only thing more pathetic than your hate is the fact that it's not even original."
12. "You're so mad because you know you can't compete with me on any level."
13. "I'm not a morning person, but I'll make an exception to tell you to shut up and focus on your own life."
14. "Your opinions are like the Kardashians – irrelevant and overhyped."
15. "You're so jealous of my confidence that you forgot how to be yourself."
Remember, when dealing with haters, it's essential to stay calm, composed, and focused on your goals. Don't let their negativity bring you down!