short silly sayings to make you smile
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised!
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
very short funny quotes
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Common sense is like deodorant; those who need it most never use it.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
funny crazy quotes
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
"Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?"
"I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
short funny smile quotes
Smile, it confuses people.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble.
Keep calm and smile—it's cheaper than therapy.
Smile, because someone's always watching and judging.
I smile every day, mostly because I'm too lazy to frown.
A smile is just a frown turned upside down... with effort.
very short funny quotes about life
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it's full of nuts.
Why fit in when you're born to stand out? Oh wait, that's just my height.
The only time I run is for food or the bathroom.
funny crazy quotes about life
"Life is like a box of chocolates; it's full of nuts."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake."
"Life doesn't imitate art; it imitates bad television."
short funny motivational quotes
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to take the stairs.
Be like a proton, always positive.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Why fit in when you were born to stand out?
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
extremely funny quotes
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception." - Groucho Marx
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." - Mitch Hedberg
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good." - Steven Wright
"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." - George Burns
"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." - Woody Allen
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back." - Oscar Wilde