小夥伴們大家好，歡迎來到每周的「國外也有段子手」！本周的世界盃賽場精彩看點層出不窮，16強已經全部產生。德國隊意外翻車慘遭淘汰，阿根廷實現絕處重生，西葡兩牙上演了小組頭名的戲劇性變換，比利時和英格蘭的快樂足球令人矚目，而巴西、法國等球隊紛紛順利晉級。好了，話不多說，讓我們快來看看歪果仁們的機智吐槽吧！
Moug-10(馬賽球迷)：歷史再次重演！德國還是沒能徵服俄羅斯啊，現在我有點擔心法國了…(Germany didn't manage to insert Russia in their History once again. I'm scared for France.)
Lord_Ewok(本菲卡球迷)：今非昔比啦，德國和俄羅斯早就建立起了深厚的友誼，所以德國在俄羅斯踢得就像友誼賽一樣。(It’s different this time, Germany and Russia have built a friendship now so that they just played like friendlies in Russia.)
im2Spooky4you(墨西哥球迷)：現在我都想去韓國替孫興慜服兵役了！(I volunteer to serve for the Korean military in Son's place.)
meellodi(熱刺球迷)：下面有請樸將軍、金將軍、韓將軍和…埃爾南德斯將軍？加西亞將軍？(Here come General Park, General Kim, General Han, General Hernandez? General Garcia?)
Handsofstonerko(墨西哥球迷)：現在誰要是敢欺負可愛的韓國，我老墨第一個不同意！(If South Korea ever gets in some trouble, we got your backs you beautifl SK!)
AggravatingPickle(未知主隊球迷)：韓國成功入侵朝鮮並大獲全勝！原因竟是得到了6000萬墨西哥大軍的幫助！( "South Korea invades North Korea and wins easily due to army of 60 million Mexicans.")
TheWalkin_Dude(美國球迷)：中國：哦。(China: hum…)
Gringo_Please(美國球迷)：韓國和墨西哥的國際關係，從來沒像今天這樣甜蜜過…(Korean-Mexican relations are at an all time high.)
lockpickingMyDreams(墨西哥球迷)：༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ韓國老鐵，請收下我們的卷餅！(༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ KOREA TAKE ALL MY TACOS ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ)
RedPalenciaTUM(墨西哥球迷)：感謝韓國老鐵思密達！以前從沒聽過韓國歌，現在我想聽聽了，接下來一年，我也打算只吃韓國烤肉了！(I have never liked Kpop, but damn it, today it is all I'll be listening to and I』ll eat only K-BBQ for a year I swear.. 고맙습니다.)
patienceisfun2018(未知主隊球迷)：你買的起麼…(You can't afford it.)
Hardyman(德國球迷)：看起來德國的戰術就是不管怎樣都要傳中，但球傳到禁區裡後怎麼射門就沒有後續了…(It feels like Germany’s plan is to try a cross no matter what but doesn't have a plan to score as soon as they reach the box.)
ShenTheWise(未知主隊球迷)：來自美國航天局NASA的最新消息：德國隊已經把4個足球踢到太空軌道上了！(BREAKING reports from NASA confirm German has now put 4 balls into orbit.)
Dynamaxion(未知主隊球迷)：墨西哥都已經0-3落後了，結果最後還是可以激情慶祝一番，這奇妙的感覺真是一輩子也忘不了…(The image of all the Mexicans going crazy in the stands while their team is down 3-0 is something I don't think I'll ever forget.)
Voidrive(英格蘭球迷)：小組賽無非就是44個人在90分鐘裡追2個球，最後只有德國隊輸球的遊戲罷了！(Group match is a simple game. 44 men chase 2 balls for 90 minutes and at the end, only Germans lose.)
Slimshady305(西班牙球迷)：我說博阿滕，你這塊頭這麼大，回去再怎麼喬裝打扮都會被人認出來吧！(Lol Boateng. You're too damn big and recognizable to go incognito.)
Jamesthegill(格林漢姆球迷)：坐在宜家的沙發上，聽著鳥叔的江南style，吃著卷著德國香腸的墨西哥大餅，現在沒人比我更保持中立了吧？(Sitting on an IKEA sofa, listening to Psy Gangnam Style iand eating Bratwurst tortillas - I'm 100% neutral for these games.)
Dan_de_lyon(未知主隊球迷)：韓國門將表現非常驚豔，希望將來他能去更大的平臺！ (I hope the Korean goalkeeper goes to great places. He was impressive.)
Lovelldies(葡萄牙球迷)：一定會的，因為他就要去服兵役了！(Yes,l he is going to the army for sure.)
Louiexism(德國球迷)：快上克洛澤！(Bring on Klose.)
Sweetchilliz(德國球迷)：是時候轉一波國旗了，嗨~比利時老鐵！(Time to rotate the flag, hello Belgium my new friend.)
SerParzival(德國球迷)：不讓巴西隊復仇的最好方法，就是不要小組出線！(Brazil can't get revenge against you, if you don't make it out of the group.)
Radion4k(科隆球迷)：都讓一讓啊，德國球迷來啦！♿♿ ♿♿ (EXCUSE ME, GERMAN FANS COMING THROUGH ♿♿ ♿ ♿)
IanCaesars(波蘭球迷)：成也克羅斯，敗也克羅斯！(Live by Kroos, die by Kroos.)
PlantasticPlant(未知主隊球迷)：作為韓國和德國的混血兒，看到韓國贏球我也挺高興，直到最後才發現這兩隊都被淘汰了…(As a half korean half german i was happy at first for korea - then i realized that now both are out haha, damn.)
ModricTHFC(愛爾蘭球迷)：厄齊爾會不會慶祝喜獲第四啊？(Will Ozil be celebrating 4th place.)
Dormant_Genius(未知主隊球迷)：德國恨不得找一個洞鑽進去啊，就像勒夫的手指一樣。(Germany are aiming down the hole, just like Low's finger.)
marek41297(拜仁球迷)：幫朋友問的啊，該怎樣才能刪除世界盃呢？(How do you delete a World Cup? Asking for a friend.)
BigFatNo(荷蘭球迷)：來吧老鐵，加入我們吧！(Come, friend. Join us.)
erldn123(未知主隊球迷)：「教練教練，我們就要被淘汰啦！」桑保利轉向替補席：「阿圭羅，迪巴拉！」「到，教練！」「去告訴梅薩趕緊熱身！」("Mr. Sampaoli we are out as it stands" Turns to subs, "Aguero, Dybala". "Yes coach". "Tell Meza to get ready")
LolsEUW(未知主隊球迷)：剛剛聽到了鄰居那性高潮一樣的尖叫，他一定和我一樣在看這場球！(I just heard my neighbors scream like orgasm and figured it had to be football like me.)
Agus-Tegu(烏拉圭球迷)：足球狗就別想太多了，人家是只是真的在做愛而已。(Come on, he was just fucking his girl actually.)
Mhgiantsfan(墨西哥球迷)：我曾經在FIFA98上帶領阿根廷奪冠，我覺得我也有資格去當阿根廷教練了…(I won the World Cup once with Argentina in FIFA 98 so I think I'm qualified to coach them.)
ThisDudeIsInsaneMan(未知主隊球迷)：看完法國和丹麥90分鐘互交白卷後，這場我都不關心誰贏了，我只想看球員實實在在地踢球…(After sitting through 90 minutes of France v Denmark, i don’t even care who wins, I just want to see two teams actually play.)
Bigtice(曼聯球迷)：攝影師整場比賽，好像都在找觀眾席裡有哪個漂亮妹子可以約一波！(Cameraman has obviously found his woman of choice to stalk for the match.)
SevenOneIsNotEnough(巴西球迷)：就馬拉度納那幾次入鏡，都比法國和丹麥整場比賽有意思多了…(Those few Maradona shots were more entertaining than the whole France-Denmark game.)
Jace279(巴薩球迷)：謝天謝地，這次門前站著的終於有頭髮了…(Thank god no bald fraud as a goalkeeper.)
Lilbodie(奈及利亞球迷)：阿根廷踢別的隊都這麼菜，怎麼每次踢我們就來勁了…(Why does Argentina have to be shit against everyone but us?)
1vegetableninja(未知主隊球迷)：伊瓜因意識到這可能是阿根廷最後一場比賽了，於是便開啟了自己最傳統的背鍋模式。(Higuain realizing this is the final game for Argentina and decides to continue tradition. Consistent.)
jdiv79(未知主隊球迷)：我也不是吹牛逼，只有像我年齡這麼大的，才曾經看到過伊瓜因在國家隊表現好的時候。(Not gonna lie. I have personally ever seen Higuain play well in NT because Im old enough.)
SportingReddit(未知主隊球迷)：桑保利直到80分鐘才派上阿圭羅，而且獨立隊名宿梅薩的出場順位也要高於迪巴拉…(Sampaoli didn't sub on Aguero until the 80' and played Club Atletico Independiente legend Meza over Dybala...)
Jabari313(千里達及托巴哥球迷)：迪巴拉百分百是把桑保利老婆的肚子搞大了！(Dybala 100% got sampaiolis wife pregnant.)
Dmarques(葡萄牙球迷)：奈及利亞的那個點球，網友應該還是能找到辦法讓梅西背鍋的…(Somehow the internet will blame Messi for Nigeria penalty.)
stevel024(阿森納球迷)：一支鋒線上有迪巴拉、梅西、阿圭羅、伊瓜因和迪馬利亞的球隊，最後竟然靠羅霍的抽射晉級，而且還是羅霍的逆足…(A team composed of attackers like Dybala, Messi, Aguero, Higuain, Di Maria...And it's Marcos Rojo who scores a volley. With his weak foot.)
Jdloyola(智利球迷)：可憐的伊瓜因，這次沒能讓阿根廷哭泣啊！(Poor Higuain. Couldn’t eliminate Argentina this time.)
larry_b2(未知主隊球迷)：阿根廷球員近兩屆世界盃的進球數：梅西5個，羅霍2個，阿圭羅、迪馬利亞和伊瓜因各1個…(Argentina goals in the last two World Cups: Lionel Messi: 5, Marcos Rojo: 2, Aguero, Di Maria and Higuain: 1 each)
nixzorr(克羅埃西亞球迷)：當初還有人質疑為什麼要帶羅霍去世界盃，要我說羅霍就應該和梅西去搭檔鋒線！(And some people asked why Rojo was on the plane, if you ask me he should start up top with Messi.)
Slydunan(巴薩球迷)：現在，梅西也有機會感受一下被人背著走是什麼滋味了…(Finally has a chance to wanted to know what it felt like to have someone carrying him on their back.)
LordVelaryon (多特球迷)：我從沒想到，巴內加有天也能成為皮爾洛，羅霍也能成為德羅巴…(I never thought I would see the day when Banega became Pirlo and Rojo became Drogba.)
Nifera_ 880(孟加拉球迷)：我還以為那球是阿圭羅踢進的呢！(I thought it was Aguero when he hit it.)
i_hate_pigeons(阿根廷球迷)：當時我就肯定不是伊瓜因進的…(I was sure it wasn't Higuain then.)
Zaxtas(英格蘭球迷)：馬拉度納慶祝進球的時候，感覺靈魂都要出竅了…(Maradonas soul leaving his body while celebrating.)
Chilibomb(未知主隊球迷)：來吧梅西，接受我的力量吧！(༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ MESSI TAKE MY ENERGY ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ)
non-relevant(阿賈克斯球迷)：想不到的是，馬拉度納和萊因克爾其實是同齡人，毒品古柯鹼對人體健康的摧殘顯而易見啊！(just had the most shocking realisation: Maradona and Lineker are the exact same age, that’s what cocaine will do to your health.)
zieheuer(門興球迷)：萊因克爾也吸毒，他吸的是推特。(Lineker's drug is Twitter.)
Ankeii(阿森納球迷)：迫不及待要看蘇牙和佩佩的巔峰對決了，他倆不得互相咬起來…(Can't wait for the battle between Suarez and Pepe to bite each other!)
Poolwyetye(利物浦球迷)：如果你在谷歌上搜索「外腳背進球」，首先出來的就是誇雷斯馬的維基主頁…(If you google 『trivela』 the first thing that comes up is Quaresma’s wiki page.)
Mglsts(葡萄牙球迷)：一場比賽是如何做到既無聊透頂又扣人心弦的？我們一定是這門藝術的大師…(How can a game be so boring and stressful at the same time? We have mastered this art.)
HuangZhou(中國球迷)：梅西的點球讓一位導演撲了出來，C羅的點球則被曾經的流浪漢撲出來了…(Messi gets his PK saved by a film director. Ronaldo gets his PK saved by a former homeless man.)
Ihavesensitiveknees(熱刺球迷)：萬萬沒想到，伊朗距離小組第一隻有一步之遙…(I can't believe Iran was about two feet away from winning this group.)
The_Asian_Hamster(未知主隊球迷)：葡萄牙從第66分鐘開始就已經在浪費時間了…(Portugal time wasting at 66 minutes...)
FriedChickenIsTrash(英格蘭球迷)：就是我凌晨3點喝醉了酒給前任打電話的時候，也比這場比賽的裁判清醒多了！(I've made better calls drunk at 3am to my ex than the ref did this game.)
AgreeableEnergy(未知主隊球迷)：據說裁判現在還在向VAR助理確認比賽是不是已經結束了呢！(Some say the ref is still checking the VAR to see if the game has ended.)
Goudeyy(西班牙球迷)：現在就讓我們祈禱，(踢東道主)不會像2002年踢韓國那樣吧…(Let's just hope we don't get SouthKorea2002'd.)
varro-reatinu(德國球迷)：西班牙需要把伊涅斯塔的大腦移植到伊斯科的身體上！(Spain need to transplant Iniesta's brain into Isco's body.)
Goudeyy(西班牙球迷)：德赫亞終於特麼做了一次撲救了…(Finally DE GEA MADE A FUCKING SAVE.)
DarthBerry(美國球迷)：這個小組就算全都出不了線，我也不會感到意外的…(This whole group could go to the Round of 16 and I wouldn’t be mad.)
Simomii(摩洛哥球迷)：耶！我們終於進球啦！(YESSS WE SCORED A GOAL FINALLY.)
ydb82(德國球迷)：切，這只是進了不會撲救的德赫亞的大門而已！(Ts, it's just against No-Save De Gea.)
Gary-Lineker(萊因克爾本人)：英格蘭已經12年沒在世界大賽淘汰賽贏過球了，而現在我們卻在討論怎樣才可以再1/4決賽避開強隊？ (England haven’t won a knockout game at a major tournament for 12 years and we’re discussing playing to lose to avoid a more difficult quarter final.)
Jasonngman(哥倫比亞球迷)：比利時真是一不小心就贏了球啊！(Belgium accidentally is winning this one.)
Npnm(曼聯球迷)：真替賈努扎伊委屈，好不容易進了個球，結果人們談論的都是巴舒亞伊踢球砸臉…(feel bad for januzaj, one of the few occasions he scores and the only thing people talk about is batshuayi.)
bany-chan(利物浦球迷)：英格蘭起碼已經看起來很努力了，而不至於像XJBT一樣…(they would at least try to make themselves look good instead of playing poorly.)
elonait4chl(巴薩球迷)：看來英格蘭二隊還是很菜啊，比利時二隊還沒用力，你們就倒下了！(Rather England's B team is so bad that it lost to the Belgium B team actively not trying to win.)
emre23(利物浦球迷)：進入了較弱的半區？確實進4強會容易些，可惜我們在8強就要被哥倫比亞幹掉了。(To the 'weaker' side of the draw we go? I feel like it would only be easier from QFs onwards, 100% losing to Colombia anyway.)
GuruMeditation(樸茨茅斯球迷)：那也比輸給日本更有面子吧…(Still an upgrade over losing to Japan.)
Petnarwhal(荷蘭球迷)：看到巴拿馬最後也進了球，才想起來這屆世界盃已經沒有球隊比德國的進球更少了…(Just a casual reminder that with Panama's last goal there is not a single country this WC who scored less than Germany.)
Mennut18(荷蘭球迷)：有啊，我們荷蘭一個球都沒進…(No, we have no goals.)
Espantadimonis(西班牙球迷)：要是巴薩在1月份沒買下庫鳥，現在弗洛倫蒂諾肯定在給利物浦打電話要人了！(If Barça hadn't bought Coutinho in January, Flo would be on the phone with that American Liverpool owner right now.)
Ruocaled(未知主隊球迷)：暴力鳥在中國依然是巨星哦，那裡的球迷很喜歡他的！(Paulinho is still a superstar for China, people loves him there.)
Yablodeeds(未知主隊球迷)：內馬爾還是在巴薩球員的陰影下啊…(Neymar still in the Barca players shadow.)
TheRedSpeedster(未知主隊球迷)：我看見法國軍隊都打下來了一個衛星，就是因為實在不想播這場比賽了！(I see France is trying to shoot down a satellite to end the broadcast of this damn game.)
JurijFedorov(丹麥球迷)：我說裁判，你倒是做點什麼啊，隨便給張紅牌，或者隨便找個球員吼兩句也行啊！(Fuck the ref. At least do something! Give out a random red card or scream at a player.)
Speckow(曼聯球迷)：難以想像，這場比賽我竟然從頭看到尾…(I watched this match from start to the end AMA.)
Roxiebrowses(利物浦球迷)：那你現在是不是像我一樣感到腦死亡了？(Do you feel as brain dead as I do right now.)
Speckow(曼聯球迷)：沒有，因為我已經不知道自己還有沒有腦子了！(No I dont even know if I have brain anymore.)
Tavrin(未知主隊球迷)：丹麥隊真是擅長防守，都已經在替法國隊解圍了！(The Danish are so good at defending that they even defend the French side.)
Billyshairyballs(熱刺球迷)：我忽然想起來，有個可憐的印度球迷，從印度騎車來到俄羅斯，結果只買到了這場比賽的門票…(Oh fuck, just remembered about that poor Indian lad who cycled to the WC and only had tickets for this game.)
好了，親愛的小夥伴們，本期的「國外也有段子手」就為大家播報到這了。明天，精彩的世界盃淘汰賽即將拉開帷幕，讓我們拭目以待，來看下期歪果仁們更加精彩機智的吐槽吧！