小夥伴們大家好，歡迎來到每周的「國外也有段子手」！上周的國際賽場精彩看點層出不窮，曼聯贏下了和熱刺的焦點之戰，阿森納不敵鐵錘幫，利物浦取勝繼續領跑，切爾西、皇馬、巴薩等球隊也紛紛取勝。亞洲杯賽場，兩連勝的中國隊得以提前出現。好了，話不多說，讓我們快來看看歪果仁們的精彩吐槽吧！
Nikowned(未知主隊球迷)：除非德赫亞在場上尿尿，否則熱刺根本就沒有進球的機會！(Spurs will not have a chance to score unless De Gea is taking a piss.)
ejablonskis(英格蘭球迷)：那可不一定，德赫亞能一邊用一隻手扶著大雕尿尿，一邊用另一隻手輕鬆撲出5個阿里的射門。(tbh, De Gea can easily save 5 Dele’s shots even with one hand on his cock.
Fitzbender(皇馬球迷)：博格巴的傳球就像是羞羞，拉什福德一射就達到了高潮！(Pogbas pass is sex, Rashford shot was perfectly timed orgasm then.)
NVRLand(瑞典球迷)：要是曼聯門前不是德赫亞，而只是一堵水泥牆的話，熱刺想要進球就能容易多了！(I think Tottenham's chances to score would improve if they put a concrete wall in United's goal instead of De Gea.)
AngryPenguin501(英格蘭球迷)：這一切還都要從那個坑爹的傳真機說起…(All of this because of a broken fax machine.)
Imsortofabigdeal(熱刺球迷)：每過一賽季，我對那個傳真機的恨意就增加一分！(My hate for that fax machine grows with each passing season.)
HighlordElement(阿森納球迷)：德赫亞也不咋牛逼啊，明明上半場一次撲救都沒有！哦，不好意思我忘了，德赫亞想要撲救，也得熱刺有一腳射門才行啊！(De Gea was not that good and had 0 saves in the first half. Oh sorry you need to have shots on target to save, first!)
SKAGAWA(曼聯球迷)：據說美國總統已經和曼聯商討德赫亞的轉會呢，川普想讓他去守住墨西哥邊境！(Rumors that the US President is in talks with Manchester United with respect to the potential transfer of David De Gea and just places him on the Mexican border.)
Sneazzy(巴黎球迷)：好怕怕…(I feel nervous now.)
TopNotchGamerr(曼聯球迷)：這是啥感覺？竟然還有強隊害怕曼聯？我還活在2009年嗎？(What is this feeling? a top teams fans scared of United? Am I living in 2009?)
Hennny(曼聯球迷)：啊老天爺，本來我覺得能進前6就很滿意了，現在我有點膨脹到想要聯賽冠軍了！(Oh my god I』d made peace with us finishing in 6th as well, I can’t believe we’re going to win the title.)
BombaclotPoomPoom(曼聯球迷)：咱還是的現實一點吧，我看能贏下歐冠冠軍就不錯了！(Let's be more realistic, Champion's league.)
greg19735(西漢姆聯球迷)：忽然發現Mia Khalifa來看球了，這比賽看得我更激情四射了…(This match makes me wetter when I see Mia Khalifa coming.)
TL31(曼聯球迷)：你們都在說什麼呢，Mia Khalifa 就會跳水而已，別人輕輕一推她就倒了！(What are you on about? She’s such a diver! Always faking it from the slightest of touches.)
XeroVeil(德國球迷)：今天Mia Khalifa 的呻吟聲好像還沒有大多數阿森納球迷多…(She doesn't moan nearly as much as most of the Arsenal fans today.)
Smith2k6(熱刺球迷)：槍手的緊逼甚至還比不上Mia Khalifa 呢！(Still tighter than arsenals defense though.)
3picKill3(阿森納球迷)：熱刺球迷就知道造謠，你倒是拿出她的集錦來證明一下啊。(Silly rumors of Spurs fans, show me her highlights.)
TheHawk17(曼聯球迷)：阿森納如此被按著摩擦，其實是在向Mia Khalifa致敬…(Arsenal just shows their respect to Mia Khalifa by being fucked.)
varro-reatinus(阿森納球迷)：夠了，別再提這場比賽了！咱還是來看看Mia Khalifa的作品吧！ (Enough about the game, let’s watch some works of Mia Khalifa.)
iamPause(利物浦球迷)：裁判：「啊小夥子們，我今天把紅黃牌忘在家裡了，你們就都自覺一點吧！」(Ref: look lads, I left me cards at home on accident. Could you calm down a bit?)
rockthered24(曼聯球迷)：我年少時有次當裁判，結果就真的把紅黃牌忘在家裡了，但整場比賽都沒人發現…(Fun fact when I was a teenager I was a referee for my towns program and I once forgot my cards at home but no one noticed that.)
Gurmee_S (阿根廷球迷)：布萊頓踢得不錯啊，利物浦也就比對方強了一根頭髮絲這麼一點點而已！(Brighton did really well, Liverpool have to win these type of games by a hair length to win the title.)
Scholafell(利物浦球迷)：估計就強了瓜瓜的頭髮絲這麼一點吧，不過能贏就好…(Won by a length of Pep's hair but I'll take it.)
LordVelaryon(多特蒙德球迷)：布萊頓這簡直就是阿森納級別的防守啊！(Brighton was Arsenal level defending.)
GroutGamer(阿森納球迷)：這麼誇我們還真是挺不好意思的…(Such compliments make me shy.)
TheOddJdawg(利物浦球迷)：要是兩年前你告訴我利物浦也能舒舒服服地贏一場1-0，那我一定認為你瘋了…(Imagine someone telling you that in 2 years we could comfortably win 1-0 I dont think i would think you are mad.)
Redaak(利物浦球迷)：其實這場比賽的每一分鐘都看得我提心弔膽的…(I assure you I was not comfortable through every minute.)
Rukiahayashi(未知主隊球迷)：很明顯啊，曼聯的大巴開到布萊頓去了！(Apparently Man Utd’s bus was at Brighton this whole time.)
swiper33(熱刺球迷)：只能說阿諾德牛逼，他的傳中讓沙奇裡都成為空中威脅了…(TAA is so damn good man. He can make fucking Shaqiri an aerial threat.)
Mbeecroft(曼城球迷)：法比尼奧都踢後衛了，克洛普絕對已經瓜瓜化了…(Klopp going full Guardiola with Fabinho at the back.)
Enazj(紐卡斯爾球迷)：要是耶德林再跟不上節奏，那乾脆就去沃爾瑪掃地得了…(If Yedlin didn't have pace he'd be sweeping floors at Walmart.)
Jonnehbravo(切爾西球迷)：大衛-路易斯今天是被小法靈魂附體了吧！(luiz possessed by the ghost of fabregas today.)
KroenkesAdvocate(阿森納球迷)：阿扎爾已經成為我的夢魘了…(I see Hazard's turn in my nightmares.)
Lintal(切爾西球迷)：威廉好像只有在自己的位置快要被人取代的時候才會挺身而出證明自己一下…(I swear Willian only turns up when we have another player threatening his starting spot…
Volitient(巴薩球迷)：別看蘇牙看起來技術就像驢子一樣糙，可他的進球助攻數都是僅次於梅西的…(He can really look like a donkey but the man gets those goals and assists, only less than Messi.)
Mntgoat(厄瓜多球迷)：就我一個人覺得朗格萊長得特別像小指頭培提爾-貝裡席嗎？(Does anyone else think Lenglet looks like little finger a little bit?)
Source_Wiki(巴薩球迷)：蘇牙在用不可思議的射門角度來怒艹牛頓定律…(That angle. Suarez says fuck you to Newton’s laws.)
kabuto23(巴薩球迷)：蘇牙連送到口邊的餅都能吐掉，卻又能進這0角度射門…(Sometimes he misses sitters, Other times he scores 0 degree angle goals.)
mightbeabotidk(巴薩球迷)：所以老鐵，下次「巴爾韋德傻X」循環啥時候開始啊？(So guys when is the next fool-Valverde circlejerk coming?)
Guilleloco(未知主隊球迷)：梅西取得了個人西甲400球的壯舉，但人們好像一點都不覺得驚訝…(Messi has done the unthinkable and reached 400 La Liga goals today but nobody is surprised.)
y0uveseenthebutcher(未知主隊球迷)：皇馬的下半場，差不多就是反向巴薩吧…(Madrid 2nd halves are the opposite of Barcelona 2nd halves.)
hunchovis(皇馬球迷)：要不就讓拉莫斯和本澤馬搭檔踢中鋒吧，再買幾個後衛和維尼修斯一起組織防線就行了！(Thoughts on Ramos starting as centre forward with Benz out now? Will bully defenders and link up with Vinicius.)
CapetownFC(明尼蘇達球迷)：我在生涯模式裡已經用武磊贏得英超冠軍了，絕對是我心目中的傳奇…(Bruh he helped me win the EPLIn career mode. He’s a straight up legend in my book.)
(圖)：其實Reddit足球版塊裡的中國球迷還是挺多的~
Reflex2011(英格蘭球迷)：第一次看武磊踢球，這技術真心不錯，打算以後繼續關注他！(Man first time seeing this guy, he's got great technique. I'm going to keep an eye on him.)
konoha_ka_ladka(印度球迷)：連進兩球，武磊牛逼！我已經把他當作我夢之隊的隊長了！(Two amazing goal by Wu Lei today. So glad I captained him in my fantasy squad!)
(圖)：這兩句就比較暴露年齡了...
好了，親愛的小夥伴們，本期的「國外也有段子手」就為大家播報到這了。讓我們拭目以待，來看下期歪果仁們更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！