1.自從買了保險，連過馬路都不看紅綠燈了。
Since I bought insurance, I don't even look at the traffic lights when I cross the road.
2.我不介意你騙我，介意的是你的謊話騙不了我。
I don't mind if you lie to me. What matters is that your lie can't deceive me.
3.之前有個姑娘來找我借錢整容，應該是整的挺成功的，到現在我也沒認出來誰向我借的錢。
A girl came to me to borrow money for cosmetic surgery. It should have been a success. Now I don't know who borrowed money from me.
4.醜的人才撩妹，帥的人只有被撩的份。
Ugly talent seduces girls, handsome people only get teased.
5.九年義務教育你就學會了裝逼麼～
Did you learn to pretend to be forced after nine years of compulsory education
6.從見到你女朋友第一眼起，你這個朋友我交定了。
From the first time I saw you, I made a girlfriend.
7.世上無難事，只怕有錢人。
Nothing is difficult in the world, but the rich.
8.在哪裡跌倒，就在哪裡躺好。
Lie where you fall.
9.愛笑的女孩都容易被魚尾紋眷顧。
Girls who love to laugh are easily favored by crow's feet.
10.長得好看的叫吃貨，不好看的叫飯桶。
Long good-looking called food, not good-looking called rice.
11.上帝為你關上一扇窗，還會為你關上門。
God will close a window for you and a door for you.
12.人生沒有過不去的坎，只有過不完的坎。
There is no obstacle in life, only one that can't be finished.
圖源網，侵聯刪