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The same day I wrote 「How to Tell a Woman Is Into You Without Asking,」 I watched a woman be into my own husband.
Since this is our first married Christmas, my husband and I went to Hobby Lobby to purchase decorations that were ours. My husband loves Christmas, and I also learned that 「you can never have enough Christmas decorations.」
While we were looking at garlands, a woman walked down the same aisle. She had thick black hair and was likely in her late 40s, trim, in Lululemon workout clothes.
「Which garland do you think?」 I asked my husband, holding one with fake cranberries and one with fake pinecones in my hands.
「I have no preference,」 he said.
The woman started laughing, and I turned and looked at her. She met my husband’s eyes and continued laughing like he』d just said the funniest thing in the world.
Whoa. She is into him, I thought.
I turned back to the garlands, and we selected one and continued shopping. On another aisle where we were looking at Christmas throw pillows, she walked down and, as soon as she saw my husband, she tossed her hair and looked at him. She was 「preening.」
Women are 「preening」 or 「primping」 when they adjust their clothing, fix or toss their hair, lick their lips, or apply lipstick or make-up. They do it when they’re attracted to someone in the vicinity. We’re not all that different from birds really.
「Do you see her?」 I whispered to my husband as I caught a glimpse of her applying lipgloss.
「Yeah, let’s go to another aisle,」 he said.
I’m married to a good-looking man. He looks like a Greek God without his shirt on. He always dresses well and smells amazing.
When you’re in a committed monogamous relationship with someone objectively attractive, other people flirting or otherwise expressing interest in your special someone is part of what you sign up for.
As a woman, I understand the non-verbal cues women put off when they are attracted to someone.
Women, when they are interested in someone,
linger
make up (plausible, but probably untrue) reasons to talk them.
laugh at their jokes— even the bad ones.
touch them.
lean toward them.
adjust their hair or clothes (「preen」).
Being aware of the context of non-verbal cues is important for men.
You need to know if a woman is interested in you in order to figure out if you want to pursue them, OR hold your boundaries firm because you want to continue to maintain your monogamous relationship.
My husband is a champ at detecting these non-verbal cues, and because we made a promise to each other that he upholds, he knows how to avoid messy situations with women whose intentions might not be just professional or friendly.
Men have to pay attention to context.
A fella could memorize a list like the one I wrote above and believe his waitress is into him because she’s showing four of the five signs.
But his waitress could be just doing that to romance his wallet instead of him. It’s all about sussing out the anomalies.
His waitress’s baseline could be looking him in the eye and smiling at him and, yes, lingering to make sure he and his dinner mates want for nothing. What might be out of the ordinary is if she met his eyes a lot, continually played with her hair, and blushed after grazing his hand.
If someone who is touchy-feely is touchy-feely with everyone, it’s not going to be all that special when she also touches you on the arm. But if she touches you on the arm and no one else, that could be a sign of interest.
Figure out if the woman is giving off subtle signs of interest, make sure it’s contextually out of the norm for her, and make sure it’s directed at you and you alone, and you potentially have a winner.
If you then ask her out, follow the George Clooney Rule.
If George Clooney, or some other amazing stud, asked this woman out, what would she say? She would probably say, 「YES!」 or if she absolutely couldn’t at the time he suggested, she』d say, 「I can’t tonight, but what about tomorrow?」
If she says no or if she says she can’t but doesn’t offer an alternative, move right along.
The fact that the Hobby Lobby lady was directing energy at a stranger (aka my husband) that she had no reason to interact with otherwise very much made it seem like she was interested.
Needless to say, she didn’t snag my husband, but she did give me an opportunity to see women’s subtle (or, in this case, not so subtle) signs of interest in action and re-affirm that my husband values our relationship.
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