Why did I choose to be a nun?
Because I’m a woman, I have no chance to be a monk.
Just kidding!(LOL)
It should be around 2011. After working, I spent almost all free time in an English school.I asked my husband, "why is learning English so happy and working so painful?" "One is to make money, the other is to spend money.」 he answered "Can it be the same?"
I met a Wenzhou girl in Hangzhou named Laura in the English school. I was not only interested in English, but also curious about metaphysics, some objective phenomena that modern science could not explain.One of my colleague named Wei Ying and I even joined a Wechat group that I called the "Crazy guys group". The leader of the group is a handsome young man and has a little magic, so he has many followers.
In the English corner of the English school, after we exchanged our interests in English, we used Chinese to continue to talk about mysterious phenomena. Laura saw that I was so enthusiastic that she recommended me to read Mr.Nan Huaijin's books.So,later, I collected all Mr.Nan Huaijin's books that I could collect. Even when traveling in Taiwan, I didn't forget to buy the traditional Chinese character books published in Taiwan by Mr.Nan Huaijin. After reading the book, I went to the internet to find some videos of Mr.Nan Huaijin introducing Buddhism and meditation. It can be said that he was my enlightenment teacher of Buddhism.
October 2014, when my mother passed away,a question lingered in my mind. "Where did mom go?" I asked my husband the night my mother passed away. My mother was a Christian, my husband's answer was naturally very religious. Of course, I was unsatisfied with such ananswer. Because through Mr.Nan Huaijin's books and videos, I heard the first time the concepts of "Zhongyin body", "divine consciousness"and "six ways of reincarnation". I believed there will be something after death.As for what it was,I didn't know.
From May 2016, I began to do meditation and read sutras. The first sutra I read was <Kṣitigarbha-bodhisattva-pūrva-praṇidhāna Sūtra >. At the same time, in order to improve the quality of meditation, and then vegetarian.
On July 1, 2016, I officially resigned from Zhejiang branch of China Mobile, which has been working for 14 years. At the age of 40, I lived "the retirement life" that I always long for.
As the G20 summit was held in Hangzhou for the first time in September 2016, the normal life rules were disrupted by the preparations for the summit. So I decided to leave Hangzhou and go to a city has no the G20.
I went to a small temple in Jiangsu Province to see if I could practice there. This was the first time I have entered the temple. Although Lingyin Monastery in Hangzhou is so famous, I have never stepped into the gate of Lingyin Monastery before 2016 because no one in my family studied Buddhism before, and then I was a Catholic.
When I went to the temple, it happened that the temple was about to hold a "Seven Dharma activities of the Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva". Because I was reading <Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva Purvapranidhana Sutra> every day at that time, I took part in the Dharma activity incidentally. This was also my first time to attend the Dharma activity in the temple.On the first day of the Dharma Association, when I was chanting the name of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, my tears suddenly like a tap that had been turned on. I guessed that I was the only one in tears, also dare not have any noises, tears like rain. Later, I ordered myself not to cry, because I wasn’t sad, the tears flowed like a spring for no reason. But, wanted to stop, tears are not controlled by myself. At that time, I couldn't figure out what the reason was. I felt curious and puzzled at the same time.In fact,in Buddhism terms,this is Buddhist induction.
"Where did mom go?" I still wanted to know. One of the woman who attended the Dharma activity together in the temple said that she could help me find a master to answer my question. I declined. I said I would go to find it myself. In fact, even now that I'm a Buddhism nun I still can’t know where is my mon. However, through the basic knowledge of Buddhism, it is easy to analyse which way the mother went.
Seven days passed quickly, but the G20 had not yet started, so I decided not to return to Hangzhou for the time being. I heard that there was a monastery in Jiangsu Province, not far away from the temple where I was at that time. The monastery also issued an advertisement of the Bodhisattva's precepts in October.
In fact, when I went to the monastery, I felt very uneasy. On the one hand, I was not familiar with the monastery environment. On the other hand, due to the lack of basic knowledge of Buddhism, I did not even know what "打佛七" was. The volunteer who received me gave a brief introduction,just read "Nanmo Amitabha Buddha". This became my initial understanding of the pure land practice.
I was concerned about the "Impart Bodhisattva Precepts to the lay Buddhist" in the monastery. Although I chanted sutras and meditated, I did not convert at that time. To receive the Bodhisattva Precepts, I must be a lay Buddhist. I didn't like the collective conversion of big monasterys. After a lively beating, I became a hermit. Therefore, I plan to find another temple to convert.
The G20 was over. A practitioner in Meditation Group found a small temple on the mountain of Pinghe Township, Wencheng City, Wenzhou on the Internet and said that the temple was very quiet and suitable for practice. The temple is very small and was built and protected by a family of lay Buddhist living at the foot of the temple. At that time, there was only one master and two laymen living in it. After some of my questions about Buddhism were answered, I converted to the master.
Became a Lay Buddhist.
In October of the same year, I returned to Jiangsu Province and was ordained by the Bodhisattva precepts. At the same time, I worked as a volunteer in the reference room of the monastery for long-term. The specific work was to sort out the instructions of masters.
On February 1, 2017, I went back to the small temple where Wencheng converted. I planned to practice there as a volunteer. The master told to me, "you should practice and become a nun. It's good to become a nun. There will be many Dharma protectors." I murmured myself, "I'm just a convert, and you hope me to be a nun? It's so crazy! "
Because Wencheng city has beautiful mountains and rivers, and the small temple on the mountain are far away from the noise of the city. There is only fog, no haze and no traffic congestion here. There are blue sky and white clouds, green mountains and waters, pure natural and pollution-free wild fruits and vegetables, and more importantly, the local folk customs are simple. Compared with the situation that the elderly in the city dare not help them when they fall down, I was quite touched that the illegal taxi driver picked up the elderly on the way. It was natural, so peaceful and harmonious.
In the temple, I got the second feeling with the Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva. Master asked us to worship Buddhas every day. Therefore, every morning I would go to the main hall to worship the three Buddha statues. One day, after that, I saw the KsitigarbhaBodhisattva statue on the left side of the hall. I thought of reciting the Sutra of the Earth and worshipped the Bodhisattva.
On that day, my left foot was hit by a big marble falling down.I was really scared. Oh, my God! Not only can't cook, but also needed someone to deliver food and wash clothes for me. It will take at least a hundred days to break your muscles and bones! The shadow of my previous fracture experience hung over me. When I limped back to the room, I quickly found that there was no damage except for a little black. The bone was obviously not in jured, but I was still worried about the ligament. To the third day, A hanging heart put down completely, as usual as fast as running. After that,I remembered all the things that happened on that day. What was different from the daily content was that I paid tribute to the Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva.The Buddha and Bodhisattva protected me, and the karma was eliminated. From a Buddhist point of view,it's called"重罪輕報".
When I was in the mountains to breathe the fresh air of the mountains and did not miss my former lifestyle any more. I was not good at cooking，but I still did my best. Someone began to be picky about the food I cook. I was so angry,I thought, "I will quit!" So, after four and a half months in the"paradise", I left.
When I got home, I first lobbied my husband to sell our apartment to live in the countryside, and then persuaded him to go to the monastery to work as a volunteer. But everytime, my husband used silence instead of answering. So, after another year, I decided to go to the monastery alone and work as a long-term volunteer.
Knowing the disadvantages of small temples, I plan to find a monastery this time. At that time, after a simple comparison between the Buddhist monastery in Jiangsu Province and the Anfu monastery where venerable Da Zhao was stayed at, I decided to go to Anfu monastery, which was recruiting volunteers at that time. Before that, when I was cooking on the mountain, there was a person in the group who recommended to me the video of venerable Da Zhao about Zen . I wanted to do meditation, but I did not able to "看話頭"(Zen term), and did not know how to 「起疑情" (Zen term).I actually understand venerable Da Zhao's instructions, which makes me so happy. After watching the video, I went to the Internet again. There are a lot of Buddhist teachings on the Internet. When I found it, I watched it one by one.
In the four and a half months on the mountain, I never visited Anfu monastery and never met venerable Da Zhao. I passed by Lingde temple every time.Even I didn't notice that Lingde temple is so close to me, and I didn't think I would become a nun here in the near future.
On March 17, 2018,the first phase of Yongjia Zen class in Hangzhou was started, and venerable DaZhao had speech in Qianjiang New City, Hangzhou. I made an appointment with Teacher Cheng of China Academy of Art to go there. I met venerable Da Zhao for the first time.
On March 24, 2018,I arrived at Anfu monastery. After three days of acclimation, I went to 大寮 (monastery kitchen) to work as a long-term volunteer.
Just a few days after I arrived at Anfu monastery, I met Lay people named Wu and Li in the same dormitory who came to take part in the Guanyin Dharma Activity. They advised me to become a nun. The reason is that my father has my brother to take care of, and I hasd no children to look after. I have excellent conditions for becoming a nun. But I didn't want to become a nun. I said that I was in my forties, it was too old to be a nun. If I was only a teenager when I became a nun like venerable Da Zhao, I would not hesitate. If I was a male like venerable DaZhao, I might become a nun. In this way, they advised me every day, I said no every time. So that my husband later thought that I might have met a cheat group.
My idea that I didn't want to become a nun did not change because of their persuasion. But just a few days before they left, I suddenly remembered a small detail that happened on the day of Anfu monastery. That day, I took a taxi at the South Station of Wencheng city. The driver who sent me was a local. As soon as the driver heard that I was going to Anfu monastery, he introduced Anfu monastery and Qizhen monastery under construction, as well as his experience of transporting nuns. At the same time, the driver was deeply sorry that the young nuns have to accompany the ancient Buddha for most of their life.It may also represent the thinking of most people in morden society. I was not interested in the driver's topic.
When we got through the posts outside Anfu monastery, the security guard asked the driver, "what are you going to do?"The driver replied, "I'll send a master off!" So, we were successfully released to the second post. The security guard asked the same question and the driver answered same as the first time. After the second post, I immediately expressed my dissatisfaction: "I am a Lay Buddhist, I am not a master!" I thought to myself, how can you tell such a lie! Where is a master in a sports cap and a rose red coat? The driver calmly replied, "If I don't say that. The security guard won't let us in!"
Buddhism talks about cause and effect, and I suddenly realize that this is what Lay Buddhist Wu told me was the time to be a nun. No matter how reluctant I was, I have been brought here to become a nun by Dharma.Why did I struggle with?I just follow the fate.
When I was a primary school student. On my way to school one day, I asked myself, "who am I?" "Where did I come from?" I asked myself two of the three philosophical questions. Of course, there is no solution in the mind of a teenager. Since I was a child, I have been avoiding leeks, hating garlic leaves, and I don't like green onions, which are all "五辛（ without the five pungent spices such as onion and garlic. " in Buddhism. In my twenties, my parents taught me for the first time to cook a duck that had been killed. When I cut the duck's chest, my body was shaking.When I was in my thirties, I moved out of my mother-in-law's apartment because we had our own apartment. I had to cook by myself. I killed fish like others on my day off, but when I tried to knock the fish unconscious on the ground, I was caught in a mess. Later, because of this discomfort, I never killed fish again.
Someone said that I was a monk in my previous life, and others said that I had practiced well in my previous life.From the beginning,I always feel vaguely that I come with a certain mission.This feeling was once teased by a fellow practitioner in the meditation group, "what is your mission, save the Earth?" I don't think I can save the earth. The Earth hasits own "Establish, living, bad and emptiness". I think I don't only save the Earth. When I wrote my application for being a nun, the only thought that flashed in my mind was to "Just do like the Buddha!"
Believe it! If not, just read it as a story.
(By the way,please tell me if I made any mistakes in the topic,thanks a lot!)
Langzhen Shi
Aug 11 2020 in Lingde Temple