八卦跟一枚優質的話癆戀愛是怎樣的一種體驗?

黛安·基頓(Diane Keaton)在回憶錄《Then Again》中提到她曾經的三位男友：

伍迪·艾倫 (Woody Allen)，沃倫·比蒂(Warren Beatty)和艾爾·帕西諾(Al Pacino)。

跟梅姨（Meryl Streep，曾主演《穿Prada的女魔頭》、《法國中尉的女人》、《獵鹿人》、《曼哈頓》等影片）一樣，Diane Keaton在從不缺美女的好萊塢根本算不上令人驚豔的大美女，然而她們在進入遲暮之年之後仍能保持片約不斷，在近幾年仍有佳作產出的狀態，除了演技和做人，更為重要的原因是因為她們更懂得在名利場中如何保持保持自我，活出自己的特色。而伍迪艾倫帶給她的影響，無疑是這些男友中最為深遠持久的。

最為人們津津樂道的是伍迪艾倫在1977年拍攝的電影《安妮·霍爾 》(Annie Hall)，橫掃1978年第50屆奧斯卡金像獎最佳影片、最佳女主角、最佳導演和最佳原創劇本四大獎，並獲得最佳男主角提名。黛安·基頓本名是Diane Hall，Keaton是她媽媽的姓，這部作品也被認為是伍迪艾倫獻給她的情書，然而事實是他們那時已分手，黛安·基頓跟沃倫在一起。 

Within his (Warren Beatty) gaze I was the most captivating person in the world. He fed on every nuance of my lopsided face and saw beauty. It was enchanting, but it was scary too. I was straddling two lives, in two different locations. I was with Warren, but because of Annie Hall everyone still thought I was Woody's girl.

安妮霍爾·1977

伍迪艾倫帶給她的顯性的影響，是事業上的助力。就如她自己所說——若沒有一個偉大的導演為我量身訂製劇本，我至多也只是個平庸的電影演員(Without a great man writing and directing for me, I was a mediocre movie star at best) 。 而伍迪艾倫是怎樣一個導演？——在他75歲的時候，在45年裡每年製作一部電影的速度之下，他是唯一一個不為他電影籌款而煩憂的導演(At seventy-five, after making forty-five films in forty-five years, he's the only director who without fail secures financing for his annual film)。

除了事業上的幫助，伍迪艾倫帶給她最為深遠持久的影響，是自信。

1968年秋，她跟伍迪艾倫在Broadhurst Theatre因電影《呆頭鵝》的試鏡結緣，那是他們第一次見面。「I was in love with him before I knew him. He was Woody Allen.」 黛安基頓如是說，「Our entire family used to gather around the TV set and watch him on Johnny Carson. He was so hip, with his thick glasses and cool suits. But it was his manner that got me, his way of gesturing, his hands, his coughing and looking down in a self-deprecating way while he told jokes like 「I couldn't get a date for New Year's Eve so I went home and I jumped naked into a vat of Roosevelt dimes.」 Or "I'd rather be with a beautiful woman than anything else except my stamp collection." Things like that. He was even better-looking in real life. He had a great body, and he was physically very graceful.」

那時，黛安基頓患上了暴食症(bulimia)，通俗地講，就是大吃一頓但為了保持身材或其它原因，再把食物催吐出來。其實很多女星都有暴食症，紀錄片《艾米》中提到已逝歌手毒後Amy Winehouse就有這樣的病症。論長相，黛安基頓不是那種好萊塢典型的美女，她從小為長相就深感自卑，所以她花很多時間探索如何遮瑕，用服裝裝飾來掩蓋自己的缺陷，這也使得她非常了解自己。

At best, I was an affable-looking thing. Yuck. As I got older, it became painfully clear my appearance would always be a work in progress. I began to ponder solutions in the rearview mirror of our station wagon. The right side of my face was better than the left. Okay, not bad. If I kept my mouth slightly parted, I looked vulnerable. Vulnerable was good. By applying these new methods I was beautiful—well, not beautiful, pretty. Not really pretty, but attractive, definitely attractive. Along the way, I discovered fashion magazines like Mademoiselle and Vogue. They taught me to focus on my body as well as my face. I began to dress in a sixties version of hip. I wore miniskirts with white boots, and glittery box-shaped dresses, and even swinging ready-steady-go pantsuits. I painted my eyes with black liquid eyeliner, like Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra. I glued on false eyelashes and kept ratting my hair as if it would compensate for my failing face. I don’t know why I thought I could pull off perfection—obviously it was absurd—but I kept trying.

她一邊自卑一邊藏著暴食症的秘密繼續跟伍迪艾倫約會，最後伍迪艾倫推薦她心理醫師進行治療，出乎她的意料，居然起了作用。

那麼跟伍迪艾倫戀愛，又是怎樣的一種體驗呢？

表面上，一切進行的很順利。伍迪艾倫開始以一種超乎女伴的方式跟她見面，儘管沒有嚴格意義上地承諾要在一起，但關係還逐步發展中。於此同時，我們可以窺見伍迪艾倫高產似母豬的原因——他自律，刻苦，專注，有組織，甚至有彈性地去工作。他每天練習單簧管，出演戲劇，讀託爾斯泰，寫新的笑點，他總是很忙。對工作如此投入也讓人不好意思對他在感情上要求太多。

On the surface, all was going well. Woody slowly began to see me as something more than a gal pal. Our relationship wasn’t off and on, but it wasn’t exactly committed either. Even then Woody was the most disciplined, hardworking, dedicated, organized, and—ironically—resilient person I』d ever met. On a daily basis, he practiced his clarinet, appeared in the play, read all the works of Tolstoy, and wrote new jokes for appearances in Vegas at Caesars or in Reno, where Frank Sinatra Jr. opened for Sir Woody of Allen at the medieval-themed Cal Neva Hotel. He was always busy, so nothing much was required of me.

當然也有輕鬆溫情的時刻。在大都會博物館閉館之後的午後，兩人坐在博物館的臺階上，看著來來去去的行人，區分膽小鬼還是真漢子，遊客還是紐約客，上東區人還是西區人。賣熱蔥花餅的小販賣給他們頂部結著一團鹽巴的麵團，他們像往常談論著要是住在第五大道上能俯視大都會博物館的頂層豪華公寓會是多麼瘋狂和奇妙的體驗。他們談笑風生著那些他們常談的話題，說著那些常說的話。他們牽著手，坐在那裡，就是這麼坐著，直到太陽開始下山。那是一個完美的午後，她有著諸多和伍迪共享的完美午後。

It's the one with Woody and me sitting on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum after it's closed. We're watching people parade out of the museum in summer shorts and sandals. The trees to the south are planted in parallel lines. The water in the fountain shoots up with a mist that almost reaches the steps we sit on. We look at silver-haired ladies in red-and-white-print dresses. We separate the mice from the men, the tourists from the New Yorkers, the Upper East Siders from the West Siders. The hot-pretzel vendor sells us a wad of dough in knots with clumps of salt stuck on top. We make our usual remarks about the crazies and wonder what it would be like to live in a penthouse apartment on Fifth Avenue overlooking the Met. We laugh and say the same things we always say. We hold hands and keep sitting, just sitting, as the sun begins to set. It's a perfect afternoon. There were many perfect afternoons with Woody.

最後，來看看這兩人對彼此的相互評價。

I got a call asking if I would say some nice things about Diane. I said, Yes, I can think of some nice things. Keaton for one thing is punctual. She, she, she』ll always show up on time, and she's thrifty; she knows the value of a dollar. She, um … what else can I say about her … She has wonderful handwriting. She's … I'm reaching. Uh … She's, uh, beautiful. She was always beautiful. She's remained beautiful over the years. She's not beautiful in the conventional sense of the word beauty. By the conventional sense I mean 'pleasing to the eye.' She has great conviction in her own taste. She always dresses with the black clothes and the hat and the sensible shoes. She looks to me like the woman who comes to take Blanche DuBois to the institution. It's grammatically incorrect to say someone is 'the most unique'or 'so unique,' but, you know, Diane is the most unique person that I』ve ever known. That could be interpreted as weirdness but she's, you know, she's truly one of a kind … I think.

I miss Woody. He would cringe if he knew how much I care about him. I’m smart enough not to broach the subject. I know he's borderline repulsed by the grotesque nature of my affection. What am I supposed to do? I still love him. I』ll always be his Lamphead, Monster, Cosmo Piece, his simple-is-as-simple-does housemeat, and Major Oaf. How do I tell "Uncle Woodums" about my lurve, I mean loave, I mean loof? How can I tell him to please "take care of all your fingers and toes and think sweet thoughts, write if you get a chance, and hang by your thumbs"?

看到這裡，是不是覺得有些傷感？

然而這就是亙古不變的現實：

most relationship ends, we're all gonna die.

而我們擁有的，

是帶著過往印記的現在和未知的將來。

Cathy整理編輯，轉載請註明出處

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