《老友記》裡的十大誤區

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High-waisted jeans are back in, and people still drink a lot of coffee — but that’s pretty much all our adult lives have in common with the poker-playing, apartment-swapping lives of the characters on Friends.

It’s been ten years since the series finale aired, and for those of us who spent hour upon hour watching the show, it’s still a bummer that our lives aren’t exactly like those of Rachel, Monica, Ross, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey. Adulthood was supposed to be about coordinated New Years』 dances, football games for troll trophies and songs about malodorous felines. Dating was supposed to be fun! (It’s not.)

Here are 10 lies Friends told you (and us) about life in our twenties:

1. Your friends are always around and never have anything better to do but hang out with you.

On Friends, every room you walk into is automatically full of great company. This is not the case in the real world. In fact, it’s more likely that you』ll run into the one person you hate than the five people you love. We spend more time texting about when we』ll hang out than actually hanging out.

2. You can count on getting a seat on the comfy couch at the coffee shop.

This cruel lie set us up for a lifetime of near-misses with coffee shop couches. The couch at Central Perk is always unoccupied and always has exactly enough room for all the friends to comfortably sit. In the real world, there’s only one reason a couch in a coffee shop stays open for long, and it usually has to do with some kind of bodily fluid or spillage.

3. Working is more of a suggestion than a requirement.

Just to pick on Central Perk once more: you have to wonder what cushy jobs all the friends had that they could take hour-long coffee breaks at a coffee shop far from their places of work in the middle of the day.

4. You can pay for a two-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village on waitressing tips and chef’s wages.

Alright, Rachel and Monica 「inherited」 the apartment and all its amazing furniture from Monica’s grandmother, but they would still have to make rent on a part-time chef and waitress』 salaries. Seems a little too good to be true. Alas, it is.

5. You can have kids and still hang out with your friends just as much as you did before.

Nothing seems to get in the way of the friends hanging out at Central Perk, not even parenthood. Ben is born in the first season and Emma is born in the eighth season, but neither kid really seems to put a real dent in Ross or Rachel’s social life, which is mighty convenient. Emma tags along to the coffee shop all the time, and Ben basically becomes Ross’s ex-wife’s problem (even though Ross talked all the time about what a great dad he was.)

6. Having a pet monkey is totally allowed in New York City.

Newsflash: it’s not. It’s even hard to have a normal pet like a dog in a city with so few pet-friendly apartments. Don’t get us started on the chick and the duck.

7. You can’t walk down the street in New York without meeting an eligible singleton.

Oh, if only this were the case. The friends met their dates in coffee shops, restaurants, parks and even the middle of the street. What’s more, these eligible bachelors and bachelorettes ended up being ripped firemen, hot Dutch girls or tech billionaires. One of the friends had a date practically every episode, and Tinder hadn’t even been invented yet.

8. The person you’re 「meant to be」 with has been there all along.

On Friends, the great romances can be traced back hilarious and romantic moments from the gangs』 teens. Ross has a crush on Rachel since high school, and it’s only when the friends rewatched Monica’s old prom video that Rachel realizes how much Ross has always loved her. Monica and Chandler begin to develop feelings for each other during Thanksgiving vacations in college. If only there were real-life flashbacks that could tell you who 「the one」 is.

9. You can stay friends after you break up.

After some minor speed bumps — Rachel dropping 「We were on a break!」 every episode, Ross accidentally saying Rachel’s name at his wedding to Emily — Rachel and Ross were really, truly friends after their breakup, and not in a 「friends who are trying not to fork each other in the eye」 way. Most couples are not so mature.

10. Your friends will always be your friends forever.

Nothing can come between the Friends; not money, marriage or parenthood. Even after they drop off their keys in the series finale, you know they』ll always be friends. Sadly, that’s not always the case with our real-life friendships where people grow apart, meet other through work or social events or lose touch after they have their own families.

In other words, Friends is basically an adolescent conception of an ideal adulthood; your entire clique is hanging out all the time, with (almost) no parents and (almost) no responsibilities and plenty of cute boys. Sounds nice — but it’s only fiction.

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許多年過去，高腰牛仔褲又開始流行，人們還是喜歡呆在咖啡館——只是和《老友記》裡的主演一樣，我們大都還在過著程式化的合租生活。

距《老友記》大結局播出已有十年，我們曾花大把時間來追這部劇，現在我們已經長大，卻無法像劇中的瑞秋（Rachel）、莫妮卡（Rachel）、羅斯（Ross）、錢德勒（Chandler）、菲比（Phoebe）和喬伊（Phoebe）一樣活得瀟瀟灑灑。電視劇裡的成年人又能參加新年舞會，又能看足球賽，還有閒情聽關於臭臭貓的歌，電視劇裡的約會總是充滿樂趣！（現實生活中的約會卻不是這樣。）

《老友記》把二十多歲的青春生活描寫得過於美好，我們20多歲時發現現實生活其實不是這樣，具體而言有十個誤區：

1.朋友們會整天什麼事也不幹，只是陪著你。

在《老友記》裡，你隨意走進一間房總能找到一群好友的身影。現實生活中卻不是這樣。實際上，你更有可能碰上一個敵人，而不是五個好友。我們大部分時間都在盤算著什麼時候和朋友出去閒逛，卻很少付諸行動。

2.你總能在咖啡館裡找到舒適的沙發座位。

這一誤區是指，我們去咖啡館總能找到沙發座位。電視裡中央公園咖啡館（Central Perk）正中有個很大的空沙發，足夠六個人舒舒服服得蜷在一起。而在現實生活中，除非沙發上有汙漬，否則一定輪不到你。

3.工作只是個選擇，而不是必須。

再以中央公園咖啡館為例：你可能覺得電視裡的六個人工作都很輕鬆，他們大白天不用上班，反而趕很遠的路來咖啡館聚會，且一呆就是一個小時，這一點實在很奇怪。

4.你拿著廚師或是招待的工資，卻能租得起格林威治村（Greenwich Village）的兩居室公寓。

瑞秋和莫妮卡的公寓是「繼承」的，家具也都是莫妮卡祖母的，但她們一個是臨時廚師長，一個是招待，還得工作付房租。電視劇中的生活好得不像是真的，現在看來，還真是假的。

5.生完孩子以後，你仍有時間和朋友一起玩。

大概任何事都不能阻止電視中的六個好友在咖啡館相聚，即使已為人父母，他們仍會時時碰面。第一季中，本（Ben）出生了，第八季中，艾瑪（Emma）出生了，即使已生了一個孩子，羅斯和瑞秋仍遊刃有餘地進行著社交生活。艾瑪則一路跟著瑞秋夫婦加入了咖啡館的小圈子，本則跟著羅斯的前妻生活。（即使羅斯時刻標榜自己是個偉大的父親。）

6.紐約可以養寵物猴。

快訊：紐約禁養寵物猴。紐約的許多公寓禁養寵物，即使是像狗之類常見的寵物也很少見到，更別說小雞小鴨了。

7.在大街上逛兩圈你就會有豔遇。

哦，這條要是真的就好了。老友記裡的主演在咖啡館、飯店、公園、甚至是在路中間都能遇見潛在的約會對象。電視劇裡的單身男女和各色人約會：消防員，熱辣的荷蘭籍女孩甚至是科技新貴。每一集《老友記》中都會有一個人有新的約會對象，總是還沒等愛的火花擦出就換人了。

8.你「命中注定的」那個人自始至終都在那裡等你。

在《老友記》中，今天動人的情誼則源於昨日的牽絆。羅斯在高中時就暗戀瑞秋，直到六個人聚在一起重看莫妮卡的舞會視頻時才發現了這一秘密。莫妮卡和錢德勒的感情則在大學時的感恩節假期時發展起來的。現實生活中，要是我們能通過電影裡的閃回看看誰才是自己的「命中注定的那個人」就好了。

9.你和戀人分手後還能繼續做朋友。

瑞秋每集都想放棄和羅斯的感情——即使在我們看來，這只是些小摩擦，她總會說「我們完了！」，羅斯在婚禮上錯把艾米麗（Emily）叫成了瑞秋——瑞秋和羅斯分手後還能繼續做真正的朋友，而不是那種「儘量不碰面的朋友」，這點現實生活中大部分情侶無法做到。

10.你們的友誼會永存。

《老友記》中的友誼堅不可摧，金錢，婚姻，孩子，都不能將他們分開。即使每季末，他們可能遇到一些麻煩，但你知道，到了下一季他們還會和好如初。然而，現實生活中，隨著歲月的流逝好友難免會生疏，大家紛紛組建自己的家庭，因為工作關係或社交活動偶爾碰面，然後又轉頭離開。

換句話來說，《老友記》中的成人世界只符合青少年們的想像；大家一直聚在一起，（幾乎）沒有父母的管束，不用承擔責任，生活中充斥著大把的帥哥。但說得好聽點——這樣的生活只存在於故事中。

（譯者 rosemary02 編輯 丹妮）

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