Intimacy
Though attitudes of physical interaction are changing quickly among China’s youth, traditional society still prevails. It’s no problem to shake someone’s hand when you meet them, but cross off 「Embracing Chinese National」 on your 『must do』 list. A hug or kiss is reserved only for close friends and family members. Also note that you need not give that big, from-the-waist bow – though close in geography, China is very much not Japan. Nor is it Thailand, so lotus-bud hand thing will also leave your Chinese hosts feeling awkward and confused.
Public displays of affection are sometimes frowned upon between Chinese people, but as a foreigner most of the population will just assume you are like all the Hollywood DVDs they』ve seen that depict the characters as footloose and fancy free, doin』 it every chance they get – so not much need to worry about it — presuming it’s foreigner on foreigner action.
Should you get your romance on with a Chinese person, however, be sure to at least consider that the cultures are different. In a wide blanket statement, Chinese people are generally much more reserved than Westerners are used to. Guys, expect to do most of the groundwork with Chinese females, and girls, bet on being considered quite forward if you initiate things with a Chinese man. Also be aware the position you put your Chinese partner in if you break social norms and initiate affection in public. Of course your partner may not mind, but it is sure to get them a lot of possibly unwanted attention from looky-liu’s.
Yes Maybe No
A good rule of thumb in Chinese dealings is 「Yes = Maybe, Maybe = No, and No is uncommon at best.」 This goes back to 『face『. Here are some examples:
Yes = Maybe
Laowai: 「I’m lost, can you help me find the train station.」
Chinese: 「Yes」
Whether the person knows how to get to the train station or not, they will almost always say 『yes』 as a way to show they want to help you. Also, to indicate that they don’t know something may cause them to lose face. This is an important thing to remember if asking directions, as you may be led down the wrong path in an effort to spare the seemingly helpful person from admitting they』ve not a clue.
Maybe = No
Laowai: 「I like this style of shoe, but do you have it in size 11?」
Chinese: 「Maybe」
Directly following this the salesperson will leave the shop and begin asking all adjoining shops if they』ve got the shoes for the mammoth of a foreigner in their store. Usually they』ll come back with a pained expression and an assortment of other shoes for you to try, all size 9 or less.
「No」 is uncommon
It’s no coincidence that there is no Chinese word for 「no」, only the rather open ended 「not yes/búshì「. Chinese etiquette tends to be such that unless the circumstances are extreme you would generally not be so direct as to say 「no」, and for comfort’s sake, you may wish to practice this too. Being direct is just not how communication is done in China, Chinese prefer to talk indirectly, or around the issue. This can seem frustrating and inefficient to outsiders, but in the reverse, English speakers are sometimes considered brutish for their forcefulness and lack of suave. Take it or leave it, it is what it is.
In the end, people are people – respect them and they』ll respect you – if they don’t, revel in the fact that you’re a better person and move on. Again, we here at Lost Laowai suggest that you not worry too much about etiquette. If you are well-mannered by Western standards, there’s a good chance that will carry over just fine in China. As for the differences, try to celebrate them as much as you can.