Here are some clever and funny quotes that are short and sweet:
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
2. "Crazy people don't need coffee, they're already wired."
3. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
4. "My life is a mess, but my hair looks great today."
5. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
6. "Donuts are like hugs for your stomach."
7. "Procrastination: the art of doing nothing successfully."
8. "I'm not a morning person, I'm not a night person... I'm an 'I'll get around to it eventually' person."
9. "If you can't take the heat, stay out of my kitchen (and also turn off the stove)."
10. "My brain is 90% 'what's for lunch?' and 10% 'oh wait, there's a meeting at 2pm'."
11. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
12. "What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws, and the other is just a pause."
Hope these make you chuckle!
I've got a treasure trove of them! Here are some very short, funny quotes:
1. "Cats are like potato chips, we're not good for you but we're fun!"
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
3. "Procrastination is my superpower."
4. "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."
5. "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
6. "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."
7. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
8. "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything."
9. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
10. "What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!"
11. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on pause."
12. "Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus!"
13. "What's the difference between a hippo and a hippie? One is a really big animal, and the other is really high."
14. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
15. "Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!"
Hope these short funny quotes bring a smile to your face!
I've got a few funny and crazy quotes for you!
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown
2. "Crazy people don't scare me, it's the sane ones that worry me." - Unknown
3. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode." - Unknown
4. "If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space." - Unknown
5. "My therapist says I have a lot of 'stuff' to work through... and she's not even charging me!" - Unknown
6. "I'm not arguing with you, I'm just passionately expressing my point while completely dismissing yours." - Unknown
7. "You know what they say: 'Crazy people make the best friends.' (Just kidding, that's not a thing!)" - Unknown
8. "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving might not be for you." - Unknown
9. "I'm not crazy, my brain is just highly imaginative... and also kinda broken." - Unknown
10. "Don't worry if you're not a morning person... that's just your body saying, 'Hey, we're all gonna die anyway, so why bother getting up?'" - Unknown
Hope these quotes made you laugh (or at least crack a smile!)
I've got some great ones for you! Here are very short, funny quotes about life:
1. "Life is like a pizza: even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
2. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
3. "Adulting is hard, but at least the Wi-Fi is strong."
4. "My life is a mess, but my Instagram feed looks great."
5. "Life hack: just pretend to be an adult and hope nobody notices."
6. "Procrastination is like a game of hide-and-seek: it's hiding from you, not me."
7. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
8. "My life goals are to eat pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and still look good in yoga pants."
9. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then, throw the lemonade in a blender with some vodka and make a problem disappear."
10. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
11. "Life is like a game of Jenga: you're never sure when it's all going to come crashing down."
12. "My life motto: 'Do what I want, when I want, and pretend I meant to do that.'"
13. "The best way to get over someone is to find someone even more annoying and date them."
14. "Life hack: just blame everything on the cat."
15. "I'm not late, I'm just fashionably delayed."
Hope these quotes made you LOL!
I've got a treasure trove of clever and funny quotes about life for you!
1. "Life is like a piano. What you get depends on how you play it." - Unknown
2. "The secret to getting ahead is getting started." - Mark Twain (but let's be real, sometimes just getting out of bed is a win)
3. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode." - Unknown (same, tbh)
4. "Life is short, but snails leave trails that last forever." - Unknown (deep, right?)
5. "The best way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." - Walt Disney (or, you know, just take a deep breath and scroll through social media for 20 minutes)
6. "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." - Albert Einstein (but what if you're on a stationary bike? Do you just stare at the wall?)
7. "The only thing I know is that I know nothing." - Socrates (which is actually really wise and profound... or maybe it's just me)
8. "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." - Charles R. Swindoll (or, you know, 100% how much coffee you've had that day)
9. "Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going." - Sam Levenson (or just stare at the clock and wonder where your life went)
10. "Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what kind of existential crisis you'll find inside." - Forrest Gump (okay, maybe not that one... but it's funny to imagine!)
11. "The only thing more exhausting than working 9-to-5 is pretending to enjoy your weekends." - Unknown (same, Sunday scaries are real)
12. "Life is short, but the line at the DMV is eternal." - Unknown (am I right?)
13. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference." - Unknown (or maybe it's just me... again)
14. "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and let go of your expectations." - Unknown (which is easier said than done, am I right?)
15. "Life is like a puzzle – sometimes the pieces don't fit, but that's okay because you can just make it up as you go along... or just leave it on the table for someone else to finish." - Unknown (or maybe I just really love puzzles?)
Hope these made you LOL and reflect on life (in no particular order)!
Here are some extremely funny quotes to brighten up your day:
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown
2. "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!" - Unknown
3. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised." - Steve Martin
4. "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up!" - Unknown
5. "What's the difference between a pizza and a calzone? One's a little more crust-ful than the other." - Unknown
6. "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down." - Unknown
7. "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!" - Unknown
8. "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!" - Unknown
9. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode." - Unknown
10. "Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish." - Unknown
11. "Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!" - Unknown
12. "What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band!" - Unknown
13. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours." - Unknown
14. "Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!" - Unknown
15. "What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!" - Unknown
I hope these quotes make your day and put a big smile on your face!
Here are some funny sayings and one-liners that adults might enjoy:
1. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
2. "Adulting is hard, but at least the beer is cold."
3. "My therapist says I need to practice self-care. Self-care is code for 'go home, watch Netflix, and eat Cheetos'."
4. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
5. "What's the difference between a grown-up and an adult? One still has a participation trophy."
6. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you wine, just drink it."
7. "My middle age is showing: I've got wrinkles, I've got gray hair, and I've got Netflix."
8. "I'm not old, I'm just chronologically challenged... and also physically challenged... and mentally challenged..."
9. "What's the best way to get a kid to eat their veggies? Tell them they're for adults only."
10. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried and claim it was a 'lifestyle choice'."
11. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving my energy for more important things... like scrolling through Facebook."
12. "What's the difference between a 30-year-old and a 50-year-old? One still thinks they're in college, and one knows they're in a midlife crisis."
13. "My wife says I'm not listening to her when we talk. That's not true – I'm just pretending to listen so she'll think I care."
14. "I don't have a 'midlife crisis', I'm just reevaluating my priorities... and also my hairline."
15. "If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to 'grow up', I'd have enough money to buy a really nice beer."
16. "What's the best way to get over a breakup? Eat ice cream, watch rom-coms, and remind yourself that you're not getting any younger."
17. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
18. "When life gets tough, the tough get beer. And when they can't get beer, they get wine... or bourbon... or tequila..."
19. "My therapist says I have a fear of commitment. That's not true – I just don't want to commit to anything that might interfere with my Netflix subscription."
20. "If at first you don't succeed, try again. If you still fail, claim you were 'just experimenting' and move on with your life."
Remember, these are just for adults (or those who want to pretend they're one).
Funny thoughts and jokes are the best way to brighten up anyone's day! Here are a few:
**Funny Thoughts:**
1. I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
2. Today's goals: eat pizza, watch Netflix, pretend to be a functioning member of society.
3. Adulting is hard, but at least we have wine.
4. What's the difference between a baker and a liar? One makes bread from scratch!
5. Why do coffee files a police report every morning? Because it got mugged!
**Jokes:**
1. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
2. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up!
3. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
5. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
**Puns:**
1. Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish!
2. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!
3. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
4. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
5. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator-dator!
I hope these make you laugh and brighten your day!