very short funny quotes
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Common sense is like deodorant; those who need it most never use it.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
funny crazy quotes
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
"Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?"
"I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
very short funny quotes about life
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it's full of nuts.
Why fit in when you're born to stand out? Oh wait, that's just my height.
The only time I run is for food or the bathroom.
funny crazy quotes about life
"Life is like a box of chocolates; it's full of nuts."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake."
"Life doesn't imitate art; it imitates bad television."
cute funny quotes short
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
You're the pineapple of my eye.
Life is short—smile while you still have teeth!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome.
You can't be sad when you're holding a cupcake.
My dog thinks I'm a great cook because I make his food disappear.
short funny motivational quotes
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to take the stairs.
Be like a proton, always positive.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Why fit in when you were born to stand out?
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
funny quotes of the day
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
cute funny quotes for him
If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber!
Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears... and I trip over my own feet!
You're like WiFi – you make my heart connect, but sometimes I lose the signal in a crowd of bad jokes.
I must be a snowflake because I've fallen for you, and now I'm melting into giggles.
Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes and forgetting where I left my sanity.
If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard, but only if you promise not to pelt me with punchlines.
You're the human version of a cat video – adorable and guaranteed to make me laugh out loud.
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te and sparking all my funny bones.
I'm not a photographer, but I can picture us together, probably making silly faces in every shot.