Here are some short, funny quotes and marriage advice:
**Funny Marriage Quotes:**
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you're just trying to find the club that will get you out of there."
2. "I love my husband, but I'm not sure if he's the one for me... mainly because we've been married for 10 years and I still don't know what he likes in bed"
3. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, then take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down."
4. "I love my wife's cooking... on days when she cooks. Otherwise, I'm eating cereal for dinner."
5. "Marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me, and the second-best thing that ever happened to me was when my wife started using birth control."
**Funny Marriage Advice:**
1. "The secret to a happy marriage? Pretend you're not home during the in-laws' visits."
2. "If your partner says 'nothing,' just pretend you didn't hear it and go get snacks."
3. "Marriage advice from me to you: never underestimate the power of a good pillow fight."
4. "When your spouse leaves the cap off the toothpaste, just remember that they're trying to tell you something about their feelings... or maybe they're just lazy."
5. "To avoid arguments in marriage, simply agree with everything your partner says... until they realize you're not listening and then argue about that."
**More Funny Marriage Quotes:**
1. "Marriage is like a box of chocolates – it's full of surprises, some good, some bad, and some that will give you indigestion."
2. "My wife and I have been married for 10 years... and we still haven't figured out how to use each other's Netflix accounts."
3. "I love my husband, but sometimes I think he forgets the most important thing in marriage: me."
4. "Marriage is like a game of hide-and-seek – except instead of hiding, you're just avoiding your partner until they go away for the weekend."
5. "The key to a happy marriage? Just remember that you both started out as perfect strangers and somehow ended up married... so either way, it's pretty weird."
I hope these quotes and jokes bring some laughter and lightness to your marriage!
You're looking for some humorous and relatable marriage advice from Reddit! Here are some funny quotes and pearls of wisdom from the internet's favorite community:
1. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, then you take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down." - u/BadAtLife
2. "My wife and I have been married for 10 years. The secret to our success? We're both convinced that the other person is wrong." - u/SarcasticSavage
3. "I love my wife, but sometimes she forgets that I'm not a therapist. Like, I'm not going to give you 30 minutes of unsolicited advice and a bill for $200 an hour. I'll just tell you what's wrong with your hair." - u/NotAThelist
4. "The best way to keep the romance alive is to pretend like you're still dating, even when you're not. Like, 'Honey, can we go out for dinner tonight? I promise I won't make fun of your outfit.'" - u/RomComExpert
5. "Marriage is like a puzzle. You start with two separate pieces that fit together perfectly, then you add in some kids and responsibilities, and suddenly the whole thing falls apart." - u/FrustratedFather
6. "I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, 'A divorce.' I said, 'Well, that's not exactly what I had in mind...'" - u/SarcasticSavage
7. "The most important thing to remember about marriage is that you're both going to mess up, but it's okay because you'll be messing up together." - u/HappilyEverAfter
8. "My wife and I have a rule: we never go to bed angry... unless it's really late and we're both tired. Then we just roll over and pretend like nothing happened." - u/TiredAndFrustrated
9. "Marriage is like a game of hide-and-seek. You start out excited, but eventually you get bored, and then you just want to find the other person so you can take a nap." - u/FrazzledFather
10. "The secret to our successful marriage? I've learned to just agree with my wife's opinions, even when I don't really care. It's like, 'Yes, honey, the sky is actually green.'" - u/SarcasticSavage
These quotes are sure to bring a smile (and maybe some commiseration) to your face!
A great topic! Here are some short and funny marriage quotes:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you're just trying to find the club that will get you out of there."
2. "I love being married. The only thing I don't like about it is having to make plans for the rest of my life."
3. "Marriage is not a word – it's a sentence: You are under arrest, do not attempt to escape."
4. "Why did we get married? Because I got tired of looking at your face and wondering what you're thinking."
5. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, but after a while, it's just a matter of time before everything comes crashing down."
6. "I love my husband. He's the reason I bought so many shoes – for emergency purposes, of course."
7. "We've been married 10 years now, and I'm still not sure what marriage is all about. But I do know that 'till death do us part' doesn't mean until one of us dies first."
8. "Marriage is the most expensive hobby one can have."
9. "What's the secret to a happy marriage? I think it's just pretending to listen when your partner talks for hours."
10. "Why did we get married? Because we're both idiots, and this way we can be idiots together."
Remember, these quotes are meant to be humorous and light-hearted. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but let's not sugarcoat the challenges that come with it!
Here are some short and funny pieces of marriage advice:
1. **Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but over time you realize that every card except the joker is an asshole.** (Source: unknown)
2. **The secret to a happy marriage? There is no secret. It's just not that deep. Love each other, communicate, and don't be a jerk. Easy peasy.** (Source: @Betches)
3. **Marriage is like a puzzle. You start with two pieces that fit together perfectly, but as time goes on, you realize that some pieces are missing, others are broken, and the ones that remain are still trying to figure out how they got there.** (Source: unknown)
4. **The most important thing in marriage is not being afraid to look like a fool in front of your spouse. Because, let's be real, you're probably already doing that with your friends and family.** (Source: @MylesMcLeod)
5. **Marriage is the best way to get free therapy, a partner in crime, and a built-in excuse for why you're not getting any work done.** (Source: unknown)
6. **The key to a happy marriage? Don't take yourself too seriously. Laugh at each other's jokes, even if they're terrible. And never underestimate the power of a good Netflix binge together.** (Source: @BridgetteB)
7. **Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, and over time you remove piece after piece until it all comes crashing down. But then you rebuild, and it's even stronger the second time around.** (Source: unknown)
8. **The most important thing in marriage is to not be afraid to get weird. Because your spouse will likely find it endearing... or annoying. Either way, it'll be a good story later.** (Source: @TheMighty)
9. **Marriage is the best way to get a permanent plus-one for all the things you want to do in life. And by 'things,' I mean eating pizza and watching TV.** (Source: unknown)
10. **The secret to a happy marriage? It's not a secret at all. It's just being kind, understanding, and patient with each other... unless your spouse leaves the cap off the toothpaste. Then it's every man for himself.** (Source: @DadJokes)
Remember, these are just lighthearted takeaways, and marriage is a unique experience for each couple. But hey, laughter can't hurt, right?
Marriage can be a hilarious adventure, and there are plenty of funny marriage captions to capture those moments. Here are some ideas:
1. "When you're married to your best friend... and also to their snoring"
2. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life"
3. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but over time, it becomes a bunch of clubs"
4. "What they don't tell you about marriage: the constant guessing game of 'Did I leave the stove on?'"
5. "My husband says I'm the love of his life. I think he's just trying to get out of doing chores"
6. "When you're married, every argument is just a minor disagreement... until you forget what you were arguing about and then it becomes a major issue"
7. "I'm not saying my husband snores too much, but I've started wearing earplugs to bed and also to the movies"
8. "Marriage: where 'I love you' means 'Please pass me the remote'"
9. "Whoever said marriage was 50/50 didn't have a teenager"
10. "My wife says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her. I think she might be just saying that so I'll keep buying her coffee"
11. "When you're married, every little thing becomes an opportunity for romance... or just a chance to get out of doing dishes"
12. "What did our marriage counselor say? 'You two are a perfect match!' No, what he actually said was 'You both need therapy'"
13. "I love how my husband says I'm his better half. I'm pretty sure that's code for 'I love you more than pizza'"
14. "Who needs a pre-nup when you have a good sense of humor?"
15. "When you're married, every day is an adventure... or at least that's what we tell ourselves"
Remember to keep it light-hearted and playful, and always prioritize kindness and respect in your captions.
Here are some funny marriage quotes that new couples might enjoy:
1. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but after a few years, you're just trying to find the club."
2. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
3. "Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition; it's more like a 75/25, and one of those percentages has to be okay with that."
4. "We were so happy on our honeymoon that we decided to stay married."
5. "I love you more than words can say, but let's be real, I'm still getting used to your snoring."
6. "Marriage is a lot like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park."
7. "Love is blind, but marriage is a whole different story."
8. "We're not perfect, but together we're perfect for each other. And by 'perfect', I mean we're perfectly dysfunctional."
9. "I love being married to my best friend, because it means I'll always have someone to watch the game with me."
10. "Marriage is like a pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
11. "I'm not saying marriage is hard, but my wife just told me she loves me more than pizza, and that's just not true."
12. "We've been married for three years now, and I've learned that the secret to a happy marriage is to never go to bed angry... unless you're really tired."
13. "Marriage is like playing Jenga, except instead of blocks, it's our sanity."
14. "I love my wife, but sometimes she can be a real pain in the butt. And that's okay, because I'm her favorite pain in the butt too."
15. "We're not arguing, we're just passionately expressing our points of view while simultaneously trying to win the argument."
16. "Marriage is like a game of chess, except instead of pieces, it's our egos."
17. "I love being married to my best friend, because it means I'll always have someone to laugh with me... and also cry with me... and occasionally scream at in frustration."
18. "We've been married for five years now, and I've learned that the secret to a happy marriage is to never go to bed mad... unless you're really tired."
19. "Marriage is like being on a rollercoaster together, except instead of screaming with excitement, we scream with frustration."
20. "I love my wife, but sometimes she can be a real handful. And that's okay, because I'm her favorite handful too."
Remember, marriage is all about finding the humor in the everyday moments and laughing together through the ups and downs!
Here are some short and funny marriage quotes that you can share with your husband:
1. "You're a-maze-ing!"
2. "I married my best friend, but it's okay if you don't live up to his standards."
3. "We may not have the perfect relationship, but we have the perfect imperfections."
4. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
5. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, and then you go down hill."
6. "You're my favorite human being. And I'm not just saying that because you're my husband."
7. "I love how we can be ridiculous together."
8. "You're the peanut butter to my jelly, the Merlot to my pizza night."
9. "We may not have it all figured out, but we have each other. And that's enough for me."
10. "Marriage is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation and then you take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down. But in the end, you're still standing together."
11. "I love how we can make fun of each other and then make up by making fun of ourselves."
12. "You're my partner in crime, my best friend, and my favorite person to share a pint with."
13. "Marriage is like a pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
14. "I love how we can be silly together and then look at each other like, 'What just happened?'"
15. "You're the reason I wake up in the morning. And also the reason I hit snooze 10 times."
Remember, marriage is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the ride and laugh often!
The humorously terrible marriage advice! Here are some laughable and, of course, not-really-advice-ful tips:
1. **Marriage is like a game of Jenga**: Just keep taking out pieces until it all comes crashing down.
2. **Communicate... or just pretend you're listening**: Who needs active listening skills when you can just nod along and pretend to understand?
3. **Make sure your partner's hobbies are something you hate**: Nothing says "strong relationship" like constantly rolling your eyes at each other's interests.
4. **Schedule regular therapy sessions for yourself, not your partner**: Prioritize your own sanity over the health of the marriage... it's all about self-care, right?
5. **Surprise your partner with unexpected silence**: When they least expect it, just stop talking and stare off into space. It's a great way to build trust!
6. **Keep score**: Who can win more arguments? Who ate the last slice of pizza? It's all about competition in marriage!
7. **Don't bother learning each other's love languages**: Just assume your partner loves surprise visits from you at 2 AM and constant belittling.
8. **Marriage is like a never-ending game of "Who Can Be More Right"**: Win at all costs, even if it means losing the relationship!
9. **Don't worry about intimacy... just keep comparing yourself to others**: Who needs emotional connection when you can spend hours scrolling through social media, thinking, "At least I'm not as miserable as them"?
10. **Just agree to disagree... and then argue some more**: Who says compromise is key when you can just double down on your own opinions?
Remember, folks: These are not actually marriage tips!