I've got a treasure trove of short, funny, and witty quotes for you! Here are some:
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
2. "Coffee: because adulting is hard."
3. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
4. "Why walk when you can run away from your problems?"
5. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
6. "Procrastination: the art of doing nothing while pretending to be busy."
7. "Don't care about the calories, just pour the wine."
8. "Life is short, but snacks are forever."
9. "I'm not a morning person, I'm not an evening person, I'm a 'whenever' person."
10. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
11. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you chocolate, eat the chocolate and worry about the calories later."
12. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right (again)."
13. "Don't watch me, I'm busy being awesome."
14. "Life hack: just pretend to know what you're doing until it's too late to admit you have no idea."
15. "When in doubt, add glitter."
More where those came from!
I've got a treasure trove of them! Here are some very short, funny quotes:
1. "Cats are like potato chips..."
2. "Procrastination: the only thing I'm good at."
3. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
4. "Coffee: because adulting is hard."
5. "My life is a mess, but my hair is on point."
6. "I'm not arguing, I'm explaining why I'm right."
7. "Don't care about the comma, I'm still gonna run it into the ground."
8. "Who needs a social life when you have Netflix?"
9. "My brain is 90% sarcasm and 10% actual thoughts."
10. "Good news: I got out of bed today. Bad news: that's all I've accomplished so far."
Hope these short, funny quotes brought a smile to your face!
I've got some doozies for you!
Here are some very short, funny quotes about life:
1. "Life is like a piano... what you get depends on how you note it."
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy... for eating."
3. "Crazy people are always right, and sane people are always wrong."
4. "Adulting is hard, but someone's gotta do it... and that someone is probably me."
5. "Life is short, but snacks are forever."
6. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
7. "My life is a mess, but my kitchen is spotless."
8. "Wine: because adulting is hard, but wine makes it slightly more bearable."
9. "Life hack: just pretend you're a cat and take a nap whenever you want."
10. "I'm not a morning person... I'm not a night person... I'm just a 'whenever the coffee kicks in' person."
11. "Procrastination is my superpower... and also my kryptonite."
12. "Life is like a video game... except when it's not, and then it's really hard."
13. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode... for the next 10 years."
14. "The only thing more exhausting than working out is thinking about working out."
15. "My life is a novel... but it's not getting published anytime soon."
Hope these quotes made you LOL!
I've got a few of those! Here are some funny and witty quotes about life:
1. "Life is short, but snacks are forever."
2. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference."
3. "Today's goals: eat pizza, watch Netflix, pretend to be an adult."
4. "My therapist says I have trust issues. I think it's just that I don't like being disappointed by people I've never met before."
5. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
6. "Life hack: when in doubt, add more cheese."
7. "Warning: sarcasm may be hazardous to your health. Prolonged exposure may lead to eye-rolling, door-slamming, and/or permanent damage to your sense of humor."
8. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
9. "Procrastination is the art of doing something that requires effort, but only when it's absolutely necessary."
10. "Life motto: don't worry about the things you can't control, because there will always be more things to worry about."
11. "I'm not forgetful, I just have a great memory for forgetting things."
12. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried and pretend it never happened."
13. "Life lesson: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But if life gives you a flat tire on the side of the highway at 3 am, just sit there and cry."
14. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy for more important things... like scrolling through my phone."
15. "Life hack: when in doubt, ask Siri what to do. She'll probably tell you to panic."
Hope these quotes bring a smile to your face!
Here are some funny sayings that are perfect for adults:
1. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
2. "Warning: contents may be hot and sassy."
3. "Older, wiser, and still don't know what I'm doing."
4. "Don't care about the rules, I'm a grown adult now."
5. "Life begins at 30, or so my therapist tells me."
6. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
7. "If you can read this, bring beer."
8. "My life is like a box of chocolates - unpredictable and messy."
9. "I'm not getting older, I'm just leveling up."
10. "Don't panic! (Unless there's a sale on wine)."
11. "Adulting is hard, but so is being a responsible adult."
12. "I'm not saying I'm old, but my back goes out more often than my friends do."
13. "My motto: eat, sleep, repeat...and occasionally remember to buy milk."
14. "If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong."
15. "Don't worry about the wrinkles, they're just smile lines...on your face...from laughing at your own jokes."
16. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
17. "Wine is like a hug in a bottle - it makes everything better, even me."
18. "I may be older, but I can still kick your butt...in Mario Kart."
19. "My life is a mess, but at least the coffee is strong."
20. "Don't get too excited, it's just a Tuesday."
Feel free to use these sayings to caption your social media posts, add some humor to your day, or simply enjoy them on their own!
I'd be happy to help you with funny quotes of the day. Here are some that might tickle your funny bone:
**Monday**
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown
**Tuesday**
"The best way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." - Walt Disney
**Wednesday**
"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!" - Farmer's Almanac
**Thursday**
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode." - Unknown
**Friday**
"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that's kinda the same thing." - Unknown
**Saturday**
"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!" - Physics Joke
**Sunday**
"I'm not a morning person. I'm not a night person. I'm an 'as needed' person." - Unknown
Feel free to modify or add your own favorite funny quotes of the day!
Here are some funny quotes that poke fun at common things people say or do, but with a twist to make them applicable to YOU:
1. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode... like my phone."
2. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. Again."
3. "My life is like a video game: level 10 boss battles, followed by 'game over' due to lack of snacks."
4. "I don't have social anxiety, I just prefer to observe from the shadows... where the snacks are better."
5. "Today's goals: eat pizza, watch Netflix, pretend I'm a functioning member of society."
6. "My superpower is being able to nap anywhere, anytime. It's like having a cape, but for sleeping."
7. "I'm not a morning person; I'm actually a 'whenever-the-coffee-kicks-in' person."
8. "Warning: my dance moves may cause spontaneous laughter, awkwardness, or both."
9. "Life hack: using a hair dryer to dry your tears is surprisingly effective... and also really loud."
10. "Procrastination is not a skill; it's just me being clever about doing nothing."
11. "My fitness goal is to be able to do one push-up without needing to sit down immediately afterward."
12. "Today, I'll try to adult, but let's be real, we're all just winging it and hoping for the best."
Feel free to pick your favorite(s) and make them your own!
A great choice! Here are some hilarious comedy quotes in English:
**Classic Comedians**
1. Groucho Marx: "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
2. Bob Hope: "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
3. Woody Allen: "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
4. Charlie Chaplin: "A day without laughter is a day wasted."
**Modern Comedians**
1. Ellen DeGeneres: "The best way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."
2. Jerry Seinfeld: "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
3. Louis C.K.: "I'm not saying my life is perfect. I'm just saying it's better than a lot of other people's lives."
4. Hasan Minhaj: "The most important thing in comedy is the ability to make fun of yourself."
**Sarcastic Quotes**
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown
2. "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down." - Unknown
3. "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything." - Unknown
4. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised." - Unknown
**Funny One-Liners**
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
2. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
3. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
4. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-gi.
These are just a few examples of the many hilarious comedy quotes out there. I hope they bring a smile to your face!