Dating Mama's Boy

I met him on tinder. Yes, the one that people look for booty calls. 

Friends ask me why I like him. I said I talked to him online for 2 weeks, from morning to night. I never got bored. 

On the weekend of the second week, we met. We met for 4 days. 

He said he is smart because his father is a detective and his mother a teacher. 

He said he has good taste of music, from his parents. 

He said he is proud to have such supportive parents. 

I asked him whether his parents supported him for driving 4 hours to meet a stranger. 

He said he borrowed his mother’s car. They were not thrilled, but supportive. 

I envied him for having such parents. 

He went back. 

That night, we called. 

We cried and we decided that even though it was going to be hard, we wanted to date. 

I said 「your parents or friends are bound not to agree, but follow your heart」.

He said he would. 

It was weird after he got back. Things were not the same anymore. 

He asked why I liked him. 

He asked me how hard it was to get a green card. 

I felt unsecured. Every time we call or text, I felt good. However, whenever he went out to dinner and came back, something went wrong and he wouldn’t tell me what. I cried a lot for that. 

Day 3 he told me he loved me. I didn’t buy it, yet said it back. It was a good day. 

Day 4 we started to fight. 

Day 5 we fought for several hours. He told the truth that he thought we were going too fast. I agreed. We decided to take it slow. 

He said he had to go buy Christmas tree with his parents. I asked him to take snapchats since I hadn’t seen one before. He said great and he would talk to me once he was back. 

2 hours later, he called and said he didn’t know how to put this, but we should break up. 

I asked him to think it through and call me back later tonight. 

He said, no.

I asked him to call me back tomorrow. 

He said, no. 

I asked him why. 

He said things shouldn’t be this hard. 

I asked him about the agreement we just made. 

He said he didn’t believe that it would work. 

He said it was the first week and we had been fighting for 5 hours a day. 

I asked him whose fault it was, who lied about loving someone. 

I said I was on medicine, on final week; the relationship was unstable; he was not honest. It should be this hard, because it was. 

He said he wanted to break up. And to hang up. 

I said if you hang up, I would kill myself. 

He said to wanted to break up. Kept saying that for 15 min. And he hung up. He blocked me. He called the campus police. 

They knocked and I went to therapists the next day. 

2 weeks later, I was able to live a life. 

We started talking again. 

He said he could not imagine us talking not as a couple. 

I said I wanted to try it out one more time. 

We made a list about all the problems we had. 

We decided that we would be more honest and less of a quitter. 

I said 「you broke up with me because your parents and friends didn’t approve. Now they still do not. 「

He said it didn’t matter. He was a very big boy and he could make his own choice. 

「I might just be Juliet, but you are no Romeo.」 

「Romeo and Juliet died. They are dumb.」

We met again. We got back together. 

Things were weird. He was off. 

I asked him why. 

He said he had doubts. 

We broke up again. 

I asked him why. 

He gave me a bunch of reasons about why we weren’t right for each other, including language barrier, personality, background, etc. 

I said those weren’t the real reasons. 

We figured it out. 

It was because he felt like he attached too much meaning to this relationship. 

It was because he felt guilty about disobeying his parents and friends. 

My friend once asked me for advice. She said her boyfriend was too much of a mama’s boy. I said all nice guys are somehow mama’s boys. They are raised in good families, their mothers are reasonable, and that is why they listen to their mothers. 

She was relived. 

She was one of the most manipulative girlfriends. 

I wonder, sometimes, if in the first place I tried to manipulate him, whether things would turn out differently. 

I couldn’t know. 

I wish when we fought, I was fighting him, not his parents and friends. 

I wish he could fight depression and be happy for real. 

I want to tell him that his not making decisions makes him depressed. 

However, I can’t pretend that I know what is best for him. 

Being independent is a struggle. I went through it. He hasn’t. 

I』ve seen people in their 50s still depend on their parents. They are happy. 

I can’t say that I am happy with the ending. But it might be for the best.  I wish either way he chose, he could be happy.