「I hope he liked me」, said Charlotte, after her date with a guy last night.
I wanted to ask 「why」, but eventually I kept my opinion to myself.
Charlotte
- to me, she is a girl who is really beautiful and sexy.
She goes to the gym five times a week. So you can imagine she is really fit, no doubt. Apart from that, she is from a relatively wealthy family. Father owns a company, mother is a lawyer. Inherited not only good looks from her parents, she gets strong financial support from them as well. To sum it up, she is good-looking and well-dressed, with good manners.
She is really THE one of all people I know (and that is a lot) who actually has it all. You would assume she should be confident or even proud about herself, for good reasons (unlike some self-important, snobby ugly bitches who take themselves as the queen of the world, when the reality is that they are living in their own bubbles and no one gives it a four-letter-word). However, the truth is, she is unbelievably insecure, especially in front of guys. She cares about other people’s opinions, so much. She wants them to like her, so badly.
And in most of cases, they do like her. Precisely, they want her, sexually. And more often than not, they do get her. Because she feels the need, if not obligation, to satisfy people that are nice to her. She hates to disappoint others.
To her knowledge, what guys want is one thing and one thing only, sex. As long as she gives it to them, they will be happy.
But sometimes she would complain it to me, saying that she would really love it, if someone would like her for her, not just her body. When she first dates someone, it is highly likely that they will end up having sex, even when she does not like her date that much. She is not doing it for her. She is doing it to avoid upset anyone.
What a crowd-pleaser! How pathetic!
Unconventionally, the date she had last night, did not lead to sex. They didn’t even kiss.
You would think she should be happy this time. Finally someone is willing to spend innocent times with her, and not executes solely on their animal instincts.
Wrong again.
I received a 3-min-long voice message from her, repeating three phrases - 「OMG, ****, what should I do」.
Can you imagine? Three minutes, just saying this in a shocked and sad voice. At some point I just wanted to give up listening, but I was afraid she might add something new in the end.
But no. Three whole minutes, three phrase. Again and again.
Her mentality goes like this, 「did he think I was dull? Did I talk too much? Did he lose interests in me?」
「To think I shaved myself TWICE for him」 - they rescheduled their first date from Friday to Sunday, to make sure she presents herself in a perfect way, she went through the procedure twice.
I tried to console her, 「isn’t this what you wanted in the first place? Didn’t you wish guys like you for you, not because of your body?」
「yeah… but that’s the only way I know to make guys happy. Now I really have no idea what he wants. I don’t know if he had a great time with me.」
「but did you have a good time?」 I couldn’t help but ask.
「yeah… but I want to make sure he had a great time. I want him to like me.」
「but why?」 this time I kept the question to myself.
Now I started to have doubts about my philosophy: am I too feminist? Am I too selfish to consider my feelings as the priority?
Mehhh, if my way is reckoned as feminist so be it. I』d rather be accused of being selfish than sacrificing myself to please other people.
You don’t like it?
Well, you can go be sexually promiscuous with yourself. And stay out of my sight, please.
As for Charlotte? I will try to talk some sense to her. Girl, in order to be lovable, you have to love yourself first.