我覺得你還是變了
I'm gonna say it has changed you.
抱歉 我現在有點心焦
Sorry, I'm a little revved up.
我不敢相信幼兒園
I just can't believe they're not introducing
完全不教外語
any foreign language in kindergarten.
我們的小孩不會說一門流利的外語
How can our children compete
怎麼去參與全球化競爭
in a global economy without fluency in a second language?
你知道這個學校是免費的吧
You know this school is free, right?
免費的都沒什麼好東西
Free stuff is not that great.
水是免費的
Water is free,
可啤酒你就得付錢
but beer you got to pay for. Hm?
啤酒
Beer.
又能跟爺們交往了 太好了
It's so great to connect on a masculine level again.
別的普通媽媽呢
Where are the regular moms?
我好像認識你 是吧
I-I think I know you, right?
是你把酒瓶子帶進學校戲劇演出的吧
Didn't you sneak a flask into the school play?
是我
Yeah. Yeah.
瑪麗亞·法達納多
Marie Faldanado.
我小孩跟泰迪一個班
Ah. My kid's in Teddy's class.
布雷迪的生日會有邀請泰迪去嗎
Hey, uh, did Teddy get invited to Brady's birthday party?
沒請我家維克託 以前也發生過
Because my Victor didn't and it's happened before.
我們去年請了維克託 他...
Yeah, we had Victor over last year, he's a...
啊那個維克託
Oh, yeah, Victor.
怎麼了
What?
他把泰迪的幾個風火輪玩具車
Well, he flushed a couple of
扔馬桶衝掉了
Teddy's Hot Wheels down the toilet,
還稱呼我老婆為辣妹
he called my wife a hottie.
是個小混蛋
He was kind of a jackass.
你居然用這個詞罵我兒子
I can't believe you'd call my child that word!
那不是兩個詞嗎
Hey-hey, isn't it two words?
是兩個詞的吧
It's two words, right?
為了彌補我們的資金不足 我們需要家長做志願者
And to make up for a lack of funding, we depend on parent volunteers.
我一心只想著孩子們
I just think of the children.
為了孩子我願意做任何付出
There's not a thing I wouldn't do for them
我知道你也一樣
and I know you feel the same way.
並不是
No.
不過其他人都已經拒絕做家長代表了
But everyone else has refused to be room parent.
很好 我也跟他們一樣
Great, put me on that list.
太遺憾了
That's a shame.
如果我不教你女兒識字那也是挺遺憾的
It would also be a shame if i don't teach your daughter to read.
你說什麼
What are you saying?
我說太遺憾了
I said that's a shame.
不是 後面還有
No, you said something after that.
沒有了
I don't think so.
-還有 -沒有了
- Yes, you did... - No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did. - No, I didn't.
-還有 -沒有
- Yes, you did. - Nope.
好吧 我幹
Okay, I'll do it.
太好了
Wonderful!
第一個活動是明天
Your first event is tomorrow's
早上十一點 冰淇淋聖代開心日
Ice Cream Sundae Fun Day party at 11:00 a.M.
可以 不過
Okay, but I mean,
你要教艾米識字的吧
you're gonna teach Emme to read, right?
我們看看明天活動進行得怎麼樣
We'll see how the party goes.
老爸有招
第一季 第一集
醫院
亞當 怎麼了
Adam, what's up?
孩子們都還好吧
Are the kids okay?
孩子們都還好
Yeah, the kids are fine.
你怎麼沒告訴我你以前是家長代表
How come you didn't tell me you were room mom?
親愛的我忘了
Oh, honey, I forgot.
你忘了
You forgot?
你猜現在誰是家長代表了 我
Well guess who's room mom now? Me!
你是在笑我嗎
Are you laughing at me?
太好笑了
So hard.
我不想跟你說話了
All right, I'm done talking to you.
我理解 我愛你
I understand. I love you.
我也愛你
I love you, too.
這傻逼慘了
Oh, poor bastard.
你沒掛掉 我能聽見
You didn't hang up, I can still hear you.
孩子們 今天在學校怎麼樣
So guys, how was school today?
-我餓了 -又渴 -我也是
- I'm hungry. - And thirsty. - Me, too.
我沒... 我這什麼也沒有
Uh, I didn't-- I don't have anything.
-什麼 -我這輩子沒這麼渴過
- What? - I've literally never been thirstier.
媽媽以前每天都準備零食和冰水
Mommy had snacks and ice cold waters every day.
別激動 是我 是老爸的歡樂時光
Hey, easy, it's me, Daddy fun times.
來
Uh, here...
吃點李施德林潔口片
have a Listerine Strip.
什麼玩...
What the...
耳機都放下
Headphones off.
所有人站成一列
Everybody line up.
什麼
站成一列 一 二 三
Line up, one, two, three.
我居然還得給你們解釋什麼叫一列
I can't believe I have to explain a line to you.
你們為什麼把東西到處丟
Why did you just dump all your stuff everywhere?
一直都這樣啊
We always do.
那誰收拾呢
Well, who cleans it up?
媽媽
Mommy.
她就沒有不爽嗎
And she's not upset about that?
不知道
I don't know.
從現在開始
Okay, well, from now on,
你們必須把書包掛起來
you're gonna hang your backpacks up,
下車之前必須把車子
and you're gonna clean up the truck
收拾乾淨
before you get out,
而且要把門關上
and close the door!
沒有錯
That's right.
有問題嗎
Any questions?
我有個問題
Well, I got one.
我的人生是特麼怎麼了
What the hell happened to my life?
爸爸說了髒字
Ooh, Daddy said a bad word.
這你倒是聽見了
Oh sure, that you heard.
什麼爛人會把口香糖留在椅子上
What kind of animal puts gum on a chair and just leaves it?
孩子們呢
Where are the kids?
在樓上 收拾收拾 準備吃飯
Upstairs, washing up for dinner.
你今天怎麼樣
How was your day?
太棒了
It was incredible.
就是 剛開始還是很緊張
All right, I mean, first I was freaking out
因為我在家帶了這麼多年孩子
because I'd been home with the kids for so long,
-可我很快就融入了 -真好
- you know, but I fit right in. - Good.
我雖然說是差點動手把人家三明治
I mean, I did try to cut the crust
上面的麵包邊給切掉 不過除此以外
off somebody's sandwich at lunch, but other than that,
簡直棒呆了
it was amazing
而且要不是你的話
and it wouldn't have been possible
這根本就不可能
if it weren't for you.
謝謝你
Thank you.
那太好了
Oh, that's great.
不用謝
You're welcome.
我不幹了
I want out.
什麼 出什麼事了
What? What happened?
太可怕了 那幾個不是
It was awful. Those are not the same kids
我原來晚上回家看到的孩子
I used to see when I came home at night.
原來的孩子又香又可愛
Those kids smelled good and were delightful.
是啊
Well yeah,
我花了整天功夫才把他們收拾成那樣
it took me all day to get 'em that way.
你聽到的是精選輯
You were just getting the greatest hits.
對 現在全是專輯裡湊數的
Yeah. Now it's the deep cuts.
鼓手獨奏 貝斯手唱歌
The-- the drum solos, the bass player sings a song.
他們甚至連自己的衛生都不做
They didn't even clean up after themselves.
就像和三個小邋遢卡車司機住在一起
It's like living with three tiny truckers.
聽著 親愛的
Look, honey,
我知道你今天很不順
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