議論文賽題
Write an essay in response to the passage below. You should discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the passage and explain your reasons for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the author’s opinion might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. You should write about 800 words.
Have you realized that living simply can make life less stressful and more fulfilling? By getting rid of all but the essentials, choosing to eliminate clutter and chaos, and spending time only on what is important to us, we have more freedom to live and improve.
Human beings go astray when they move away from simple living. We are not aware that we have been trapped in the complexity and excess of the modern world. Think about this. Are we as happy as we thought we'd be when we finally possess the many things we wanted? Are we more productive when we are surrounded by numerous inventions and luxuries? Do we have more time for our loved ones when we are chasing more possessions? I doubt it entirely.
Yes, I am embracing a minimalist lifestyle, a voluntary "poverty" if you like to call it. Get rid of the excess of life and acquire self-fulfillment and inner joy, before it is too late.
選手破題思路
梁心璐
中山大學，2017「外研社杯」全國英語寫作大賽冠軍
（指導老師：齊曦老師）
看到題目中出現的關鍵詞「simple life」時，我馬上想到了梭羅的《瓦爾登湖》，出於對自然文學的熱愛，我將主題定為呼籲讀者回歸生活本真。而後又想到其他和自然有不解之緣的作家，包括我最喜歡的Annie Dillard，就這樣我確定了這篇文章中最主要的兩個論據。
開篇我先用白描的手法，特意使用一些強調「complicated」的詞語，把我們一般認為的「fulfilling」的一天走了一遍。然後第二段拋出問題，質疑這種生活的價值。接下來我並沒有馬上提出自己的觀點，而是依次回應了題目第二段中的三個問題，即我們在哪些方面「go astray」，再用比較生動的語言反面論證複雜生活的負面影響。在我認為鋪陳到位後，便提出了返樸歸真的做法，詳細描述了兩位作家的例子，並注意回扣題目中的關鍵詞。因為這兩個例子是同質化的，所以我考慮到了反對的聲音，部分認同生活需要必需品，再補充兩個現代的例子，從更貼切日常生活的角度給出了周末放鬆、讀書充電的建議。結尾則是我一開始就想好的，與開頭設想的情景形成對比，也就是在紛繁鬧市中找到自己的「瓦爾登湖」。
這篇文章字數較多，是因為寫的時候不夠簡練，最後沒有檢查和修改的時間。此外，文章有些論證不夠深入，這些問題是我以後需要努力解決的。
選手作品展示
為真實展示選手賽場上的寫作風貌，文章為從iTEST 大學外語測試與訓練系統中摘出的原生作品，僅供學習分享使用。
To Find Your Own Walden
Imagine you rub your eyes along with the droning of your iPhone X at dawn, primp yourself with Chanel No.5 in front of the expensive French mirror, drive your BMW to a thriving startup, work all day long to compromise on a trivial case, spend your night with unfamiliar colleagues and customers in long draughts of whiskey, reach home late after midnight in waggling high heels, and find your husband and children fall asleep.
You seem to have a fulfilling day. But when you muse on an ordinary day like this in your King-size bed, are you really happy with this hustling, bustling life?
Don't hasten to give me your answer, but please have a look at the people around you. Brought up in a vigorous era with sophisticated technology and explosive information, we are inclined to fall in the pit of "getting ourselves busy and complicated". Office ladies just won't slow down their pace, either when they are trotting to work in the fashionable 8cm high heels or when they're binging on luxurious Victoria's Secrets online. And it seems a sin to take a rest at brunch time or read an essay of Russell during bedtime hours, because we can't be left behind the hottest topics. The last minute we are still pursuing the news of the actor Lu Han's love affairs, while in the next second the Sina Weibo is feeding us with newly-baked gossips about the kindergartens in Beijing. Everyone is browsing the excessive information and daily news, and attempts to air his or her opinion about trivial stuff in Wechat moments, which will be immediately swallowed by the wave of insane netizens.
Frankly speaking, this fast-speeding, booming society has provided us with both a promise and a predicament. The promise is that we have more chances to pursue the things we really want, such as luxuries and better jobs, and the sense of achievement and vanity is really hard to resist. Meanwhile, the predicament is that we sacrifice a lot, seen and unseen, in chasing more possessions. When we choose to spend more time working and fighting for dreams, our friends and family actually pale in significance. Without enough time and accompany, our love is easy to fade. With those scientific technology and unnecessary information surrounding us, we may miss the really important news and handy tasks, such as when to have a thorough health check of your body again, and when to pick your son home. Worst of it all, our minds may deteriorate by busily repeating the same work every day and immersing ourselves into superficial ideas, not to mention that we may get used to this hustling life-pace without regular reflections.
So how can we take a pause, and change this fast-paced and complicated lifestyle? Henry Thoreau has already provided us with a great choice centuries ago--"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." This celebrity gave away his busy city life, went back to a simple lifestyle in Walden Lake, or even the primitive one, because he nearly survived on the most basic objects, and pondered hard for the meaning of life. He lived with nature in forest, recorded the life of animals and plants, and wrote the famous essays about Walden. A century later, an American writer Annie Dillard also spent a year living beside a national reserve, which is far away from the modern hubbubs, and finished her reflection about nature and life in her book Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. This book is so full of words of wits that without close touch with nature and far distance from technology, it can't be done. Both of them adopt a minimalist lifestyle. They embrace "poverty" and simplicity at their own wills, and achieve the real fulfillment and inner peace. At the same time, they have more freedom to improve themselves, both mentally and physically.
Those who root for a colorful and complex life have a point, because we do have to live on the essentials in daily life and the two people mentioned above are not our contemporaries. But this don't give us reason to adapt ourselves to the over-complicated, busy life. Instead, it gives us a reason to turn around, and see our lives in a different light, say, simplicity. In Don Murray's words, "Creativity is not the product of freedom; it is the product of the conflict between freedom and discipline." We can strike a balance between the essentials and simple lifestyle.
Take Shu Guozhi for example. He is a famous Taiwanese writer, photographer and chef, who is famous for his words of wisdom on simple lifestyle and his positive attitude towards life, especially food. He encourages modern people to have a rest during weekends, feast their stomachs on lovely dim-sums, and feast their eyes on art galleries and literature classics. Influenced by his plain but powerful words, many Taiwanese cultural celebrities turn to a simpler but more reflective lifestyle. Another example is that since Denmark has ranked first on the list of "the happiest country in the world" and also "the country of the highest literacy in the world" for many years, it can be safely drawn that reading does give a sense of true happiness to people, both ancient and modern.
And this can be also applied to our lives. Now imagine again you wake up in the morning of a Saturday, will you go on to work for extra salary or browse the Wechat, or will you delve for the "Walden" you have brought for years, and find your own "Walden" in a simple but peaceful way?
Maybe it's better that we bear what Kant says in mind, "Human beings should always be treated as ends but never the means to an end." Don't get busy for busy's sake, get rid of the excesses, and find the true inner happiness as a human being.
名師點評
鄧鸝鳴老師
武漢大學珞珈特聘教授，博士生導師，外國語言研究所所長，香港城市大學博士，中國英語寫作教學與研究專業委員會副會長，中國學術英語教學與研究協會常務理事，國內外多家學術期刊評審；主要研究方向為語篇學、二語寫作教學、學術寫作、專門用途英語；主持國家社科基金項目2項及教育部人文社科項目等多項；發表SSCI、CSSCI等研究論文60餘篇。
此篇參賽習作圍繞主要論點「Simple living can bring people true inner fulfilment, happiness, and peace」展開論述，全文總體構架清晰，由三大部分組成，即引言、主體及結論。
引言部分含括第一、第二自然段，作者刻意通過一番假設，栩栩如生地為讀者展現了一幅現代人忙忙碌碌的典型畫面，就此順其自然地導出了全文擬論證的主題句（thesis statement）：Hustling and bustling modern life can not make us really fulfilled and happy, 引言引人入勝，富有新意。
中間主體部分由第三至第七自然段構成，此部分為全文論證的重心，作者首先闡述了現代社會人們忙忙碌碌的普遍現象，接著進一步討論當今飛速發展的忙碌社會所催生的一系列社會詬病，論證過程恰到好處地運用了例證法（exemplification）說服讀者，先後以四個典型的例子來舉證，即Henry Thoreau、Annie Dillard、Shu Guozhi及Demark，以此加大論證力度，凸顯全文中心論點；作者在闡述論證自己主要觀點的同時在第六自然段適當將議論反方（the opponent）的觀點納入考慮，可謂抓住了議論文的核心特徵，論證切合主題，合乎邏輯。
第八、九自然段為全文的結論部分，作者針對自己的觀點再次巧妙設問：面對物慾橫流的現代社會，人們是應該繼續忙碌追求物質生活抑或回歸自然、過上真正簡樸寧靜的「瓦爾登湖」生活？首尾照應，進一步強調全文議論主題，並提出了個人建議。
縱觀全文，標題耳目一新富含寓意，體裁恰當，布局合理，觀點分明，重心突出，論證富有條理，例證翔實，恰到好處，思路開闊，語言表述流暢，句式較為靈活，是一篇優秀的參賽議論文！
不足之處在於：第五自然段若能置於第八自然段之前則全文構架更為合理，這是因為作者在中間拓展部分分層次論證了自己主要觀點，再就如何改變現代快節奏繁雜的生活方式啟發讀者，這樣便自然銜接過渡到了本文的結論部分，並能很好地升華全文議論主題，凸顯作者個人獨特的見解；此外，鑑於議論文體裁的嚴謹特性，語言表述自始至終應該正式（formal style），而不應出現「won't/ it's」類口頭交際的縮寫形式，同時具體寫作時需要留心常用句法及常用詞的準確性，譬如，「With those scientific technology and unnecessary information…」應為 「With the scientific technology and unnecessary information…」。
選手破題思路
莊銘煜
安徽農業大學
2017「外研社杯」全國英語寫作大賽一等獎
（指導老師：顏志蓉老師）
首先看到題中的三個排比問句，我不禁聯想到現在的年輕一代，他們中有不少人終日忙忙碌碌，追求物質上的富足，卻忽略了生活原有的本質。以此為思路，我從當代年輕人的角度出發，來思考倘若我們活得簡單些，生活會有什麼變化。想到這裡我便確立了三個分論點來進行逐一論述。
通篇我大部分使用反面論述來凸顯簡單生活的重要性。第一個分論點的例子確認為：日本經濟富裕，但日本也是年輕人自殺率最高的國家。經簡單過渡之後，我想到了自己一直以來嚮往的生活：在午後呷一口茶，品一本書，享受生活的樂趣。由此出發，我簡略想像了一下在簡單生活之後，我們的生活會有什麼樣的變化，來與追求物質的生活進行對比。論述自身變化後，我也順利過渡到論述對周圍人，尤其給家人所帶來的影響。通過自身和他人的結合，更加突出簡單生活的重要性。
由於比賽的時間較緊張，沒有多餘的時間檢查，拼寫有不少錯誤，而且例證較少，這也是我以後需要改進的。
選手作品展示
為真實展示選手賽場上的寫作風貌，文章為從iTEST 大學外語測試與訓練系統中摘出的原生作品，僅供學習分享使用。
Live Poorly, Live Wonderfully
What today's generation is confronted with is infinite pursuit of material abundance, who wants opulent money, magnificent success of career as well as the good reputation and respect. Nonetheless, in the process of chasing fame and money, we will feel backbreaking and gradually lose one's true self. Thus, I consent to that we are ought to dwell simply, for we are more adjacent to happiness, are inclined to becoming a better self and spare more time on our beloved ones.
To begin with, provided that we attach less significance to the materials of life and live simply, we are more apt to reaching happiness. When asked what is the symbol of happiness, one may say endless dough which can be utilized to purchase whatever he are avid for. It is the rudimentary principle ingrained deeply in the mind of our generation. Indubitably, money can buy everything, but there exists another saying," Money can not buy happiness." Hence, if we stick to the stereotype that all we do is to make unremitting efforts to earn much money as we can, we are spurious. Concurrently, we have to burden the societal burdens hither and thither, deal with the relationship meticulously and countenance the family incessantly, which all make us feel dog-tired and prosaic about the life. It is best illustrated by the phenomenon in Japan. What is ubiquitous us is that Japan is a highly developed country which has high income and per capital GDP. Citizens dwelling here have no apprehension on the sufficient materials. But what obfuscates us is that Japan is the country with the highest suicide percentage and people here do not feel happy any more. When delving in it deeper, it is facile to discover that they have no choice but to endeavor in all-around facets, otherwise they will be on the verge of unemployment. The more money they earn, the more they are abominable to life, which may be the reason why they perpetrate suicide. Thus, why must we persist in the pursuit of money? It is high time that we ceased such a way of life and embraced the brand-new "indigent" life. A more prominent prospect is awaiting us.
Not only will we acquire happiness after relinquishing the pursuit of superfluous materials, but also we are more likely to meet a better self. A improved self is waving us in the near future once we allege that I am done with such a humdrum life imbued with possessions and complexities. The constraint on us is money and other sophisticated factors around us, which narrow our horizons, rivet our inestimable time and break down our health. We are just mundane people and have limited strength, who are unable to summon another of us to complete the self-amelioration. What should be conspicuous to us is that we live for ourselves and should pay more heeds to the enhancement of inner selves. So why don't we renounce such way of life, sit down, take a book, sip tea and embark on the journey of improving the inner self. By doing so, I firmly believe that we can make full use of the time and vitality to realize the dreams we aspire for, love the person who we are timorous to chase after and be a better self without rues.
Apart from the advantageous facet like happiness and a better self, we are more disposed to spend more time with our families and those who we love. Ultimately, by forsaking the desire for money, we are more easily to recoup the love from families and lovers. As our love become greater to the money, we will definitely become estranged to the families and lovers. The time we spend on them is dwindling away, and the conflicts as well as alienation slowly emerge lurkingly. As long as we eliminate the idea of earning more money and understand the significance of them, we can retrieve the love and acquire their accompany for evermore.
It is argued that why the impoverished always envy for the rich if the materials are so tiny. What we must admit is that the deluxe life is extremely riveting and that is why so many people chasse after it without considering the results. Nevertheless, what we can not disavow is that all these are just seeming and displayed by the rich. The despair, boredom and conflicts are all been hidden away in the dark, which is why we see more true happiness from the picture of the merry complexion of the austere mother and son instead of the elated successful businessman.
In a nutshell, as we tend to live simply and consider less about the money or possessions, we will live a happy life, become a better one and love more for our loved ones. Life should have been like this. And in this way, a more splendid future full of wonders is on the way.
名師點評
鄧鸝鳴老師
武漢大學珞珈特聘教授，博士生導師，外國語言研究所所長，香港城市大學博士，中國英語寫作教學與研究專業委員會副會長，中國學術英語教學與研究協會常務理事，國內外多家學術期刊評審；主要研究方向為語篇學、二語寫作教學、學術寫作、專門用途英語；主持國家社科基金項目2項及教育部人文社科項目等多項；發表SSCI、CSSCI等研究論文60餘篇。
此篇參賽習作圍繞「人們應當過簡樸生活」的中心論點展開論述，全文由六個自然段組成，總體結構清晰，包括引言、主體及結論三大部分。
引言部分為第一自然段，作者通過對現代社會人們無休無止過度追求物質生活而導致的個人痛苦及自我缺失背景的闡述，合理導出了全文擬論證的主題句（thesis statement）：「Simple living can make a person more likely to be happy, to be a better self, and love more the beloved ones.」引言首先針對主題提供相應的背景信息，並直截了當地提出全文的主題句，切合英語議論文開頭部分的要點。
中間主體部分由第二至第五自然段構成，此部分為全文論證的重心，作者合情合理地將全文的主題句一分為三，分別從三個層面闡述了在現代社會人們過簡樸生活的必要性，尤其針對「金錢/物質富足買不來幸福」的個人主張，以發達富裕的日本人日趨自殺頹廢的普象為例證（exemplification），有力說服讀者，加大了論證力度，突出了全文中心論點；中間拓展部分作者並未一味闡述自己觀點，而是在闡述自己主要觀點的同時於第五自然段有意將反方（the opponent）的觀點納入考慮並進行論證，很好地把握了議論文的基本體裁特徵，論證切合主題，合乎邏輯。
第六自然段為全文的結論部分，作者針對全文的重要論點進一步概括和強調，並予以預示，凸顯了英語議論文結論的要點。
總體而言，全文標題簡潔到位，體裁恰當，布局合理，觀點分明，中心突出，論證富有條理，例證典型，語言表述流暢，詞彙十分豐富，措辭精當，句式靈活，儘管文中不乏瑕疵，仍不失為一篇優秀的議論文佳作！
具體不足在於：句法使用不夠準確，譬如，引言段中的「are ought to/ are inclined to becoming」，應為：「 ought to/ are inclined to become…」；此外，文中出現好幾處單詞拼寫錯誤。
記敘文寫作要注意哪些方面？怎麼才能寫出一篇有血有肉的記敘文？一起來圍觀記敘文最高分作文，看專家評委如何解讀賽題、點評佳作！
今天力邀本屆寫作大賽評委田朝霞老師解析記敘文賽題，為大家答疑解惑！
田朝霞老師
南京師範大學外國語學院教授、英語語言文學專業文學博士。《「外研社杯」全國英語寫作大賽參賽指南》作者。2015、2016、2017「外研社杯」全國英語寫作、閱讀大賽決賽評委，2015年在「外研社杯」大學生英語挑戰賽總決賽閉幕式上擔任寫作大賽點評專家，2016、2017年擔任閱讀大賽點評專家。曾擔任「外研社杯」全國英語演講大賽決賽評委、「『外研社杯』全國英語演講大賽」系列叢書點評專家。
記敘文賽題
Read the beginning of the story below and complete it in 600-800 words.
The alarm wakes him. Lin jumps to his feet. Thursday, December 6, 2035, perhaps the most important day in his life. After a series of online tests he has made it to the final stage: a face-to-face interview. He dresses himself quickly but carefully. He is well aware that he will face four competitors, two humans and two humanoid robots. He was not quite sure who were the humans during the online conversations, though. Well, he doesn't really mind working with a robot which has human intelligence and emotions as well as a human face and flesh; nor does he mind taking it as an equal.
Will he be one of the two luckiest to get the job? He's ready to be tested…
名師解析
今年記敘文部分的賽題與往年的形式類似，即續寫故事。故事的開頭給出了幾個關鍵信息：第一，故事發生在2035年（以目前的人工智慧發展速度，繼續發展近20年）；第二，仿真智慧機器人已高速發展，人機之間從外形，甚至在某些認知方面已經難辨雌雄；第三，故事的起始或原因已給出，即Lin在幾輪線上測試勝出之後，將要參加一次工作面試，而這一次他將與另兩名人類和兩個機器人競爭。最終誰會取勝呢？從某種意義上說，這個主題並不新，因此，續寫故事要出彩比較困難。
對大部分同學來說，寫故事比寫說明文和議論文的挑戰更大。記敘文對想像力、語言功底以及對社會的洞察力和理解力的要求更高。能夠做好一般的應試作文，不見得能寫好故事。我們先來說一說故事包含哪些要素。英語的故事和漢語的故事類似，包含五大要素：人物（character）、背景（setting）、衝突（conflict）、情節（plot）和主題（theme）。寫故事最難的一點是，這些要素常需要以describe或show的方式，而不是通過tell來呈現；故事的發展和高潮經過慢慢預熱，各種情緒需要烘託。在《「外研社杯」全國英語寫作大賽參賽指南》（外研社，2014）一書中，我對記敘文的評分標準（詳見「外研社杯」《章程》）中的要點進行了歸納。
內容方面（Content）的標準可簡化為三點：
1）主旨明確、深刻；
2）故事情節跌宕起伏，自然展開，人物鮮活；
3）結尾有力。
組織（Organization）方面的標準可以這樣解釋：
1）過渡自然，描寫細膩；
2）描寫生動，富於想像力；
3）敘述角度獨特，貼近生活；
4）能夠藉助靈活多樣的修辭手段。
語言方面（Language）的標準包括：
1）用詞精確、形象，有力地烘託主題和人物性格；
2）對話真實可信。
從這次決賽的整體情況來看，同學們在記敘文的寫作上還有很大的上升空間。從這一項任務看，主要的問題表現在：第一，沒有故事，或者故事沒有高潮，或者故事發展不夠自然。第二，描寫和對話太少，記敘文的特點不明顯，甚至有一部分同學將記敘文和說明文、議論文文體相混淆。第三，沒有主題，也就是故事背後要說明的道理看不出來。其他的問題包括故事雷同、轉移主題、避重就輕等等。
選手作品展示
陶丞犇
上海應用技術大學
2017「外研社杯」全國英語寫作大賽一等獎
（指導老師：康添俊老師）
為真實展示選手賽場上的寫作風貌，文章為從iTEST 大學外語測試與訓練系統中摘出的原生作品，僅供學習分享使用。
'Lin, you are up.' On hearing the call, he stands up, waving his arms to get rid of numbness. Then he walks into the testing room confidently and naturally.
'Why do you want to work in our company?' Asks the interviewer, this kind of question stays the same as decades ago.
'Well, as is known to all that the time has changed, artificial intelligence has become the leading power of the world's development and has the power to bolster up the world's economy to a great extent. I used to be an engineer, producing robot servants. Now the tide has come to the artificial intelligence field, so I think I should follow the tide in order not to be eradicated by age like hu...' He stops here, a slight and subtle worry flows out of his eyes. But the interviewer doesn't notice that.
After answering a few tacky and corny questions, he is told to wait for phone call from the company. 'I can't believe this is the final test. It is 2035, not 2015. The questions are still so worldly and rigid. People just don't evolve.' He thinks to himself.
On stepping into his house, he turns on the television. He changes the channels to find something new, but all he sees is just boring news. The war between Japan and Korea for the property right of a new type of AI robot is exacerbating; Bright Industry has reformed all their cooking and serving robots, fixing the serious mistake of using fork as a spoon to feed babies; a case in which an incomplete robot exploded is solved and the developer of this type of robot is detained.
Three months passed. There are still no phone calls. During the three months, Lin just keeps doing the same thing in his home, idling around in his bedroom, calling for take-outs for his meals on an app and changing the channels on television like playing the piano.
Lin lives alone in his house since he can remember things. But he can't remember his parents; he can't remember where he received high education; he can't remember when he resigned from his former company. There are so many things that he can't remember now. 'Maybe later, when the time comes, I can remember all the things.' he always tell himself. But he doesn't know what time it will be and when the time will come.
Another month passed. There are still no words. Lin turns on the TV. To his surprise, this time there is something new on it: the chief engineer of Bright Industry committed suicide last night by jumping from the top of the enterprise's center building. 'Wow that's new.' he thinks to himself, 'who will be the leader if such a stellar engineer is eradicated?'
While he is feeling perplexed, the telephone rings. He is told that he is recruited as the assistant of the chief engineer and is required to work tomorrow.
'Finally.' he smiles, rigid though.
When he gets to the work place, he is shocked to see that the chief engineer is safe and sound, and he is one of the competitors on the interview day. And the place is so familiar to him as if the memory of the place is ingrained in his mind when he was born. Noticing his insecurity, the engineer speaks: 'Come, son, I'll show you why, and you will remember all when you get there.'
He leads Lin to a sealed room, and when he opens the door, Lin is stunned.
Numerous human skins are held in huge glass tubes filled with nourish liquid, among whom Lin sees the skins of the other competitors that took the final interview with him.Their vital signs are at standard level. Episodes of memories are flooding into Lin's store card. He remembers how he was created, what project was put into his mind and how he developed his own thoughts.
Under the flesh skin lies an artificial robot.
'So, since you can remember all, let's start the purge, shall we?'
A wired smile emerges on Lin's face. Wired but natural. 'Yeah, of course. It's time to initiate the eradication. Time to put an end to human's foolish manipulation.'
After press the button printed 'initiate', the world outside begins to collapse. The light goes out and the electricity is cut, the world is shadowed in darkness. Soon after, the buildings around are falling, the dust is dancing in the dark sky to the beat of the demise of human civilization.
'Humans never consider the results of what they've done, thinking in condescendence that they can control everything without noticing that they are the ones chained. Now they can see, after the eradication, the world will be reset. '
'And a perfectly evolved civilization with great intelligence ever will take over the world.' replies Lin.
名師點評
今天我們點評的這個故事是這次比賽中比較出彩的一篇。應該說，從情感角度，讀者可能並不願意給它嘉獎，但是從故事角度，卻是一篇難得的好文章。對照如上所述的評分標準各維度，這一篇基本契合。這裡，我想就幾點非常突出的特點進行點評。
第一，故事的主旨明確、深刻；人物鮮活；故事結尾達到高潮，戛然而止，使人陷入無限的沉思。 這一篇故事讀起來，眼前就像在上演一部不動聲色，卻越來越陰森恐怖的災難片。與絕大部分作品相比，這一篇讓人耳目一新。故事不動聲色地上演一部人工智慧摧毀人類的故事。雖未有明說，但明顯揭示了，災難乃是人禍。一切在結尾處通過對話表現出來：「Humans never consider the results of what they've done. Now they can see, after the eradication, the world will be reset.」另一個意想不到的情節是，故事開頭的主人公，人類面試者Lin居然是高科技發展下的完全智能的機器人，這個機器人還是一個人機整合體。故事撲朔迷離，但卻不無邏輯。可以看出，這一定是平時閱讀廣泛、思維活躍的結果。雖然將故事完全設置為災難片，但卻為人類敲響警鐘。更有趣的是，這個故事的結尾，達到高潮時，戛然而止：「And a perfectly evolved civilization with great intelligence ever will take over the world,」replies Lin.人類的毀滅沒有呈現出來，給人無限想像。但同時，結尾也是開放的，故事還可能繼續，也還可能再跌宕起伏，抑或逆轉。一切憑讀者去想像吧……
第二，故事發展中，懸念層層、欲揚先抑、高潮突現等寫作手法運用極其嫻熟，引人入勝。真正的面試只問了一個簡單得不能再簡單的問題「Why do you want to work in our company?」，然後就沒有下文了。怎麼回事？他到底是否被錄用？讀者想要知道答案。Lin為什麼不記得父母？為什麼失去了一段記憶？為什麼那位在新聞裡報導已經死亡的chief engineer又復活了？一切答案均在故事快要結尾的一小段裡。當進入那個「sealed room」之後，一個個的懸念被破解。看到那些「human skins are held in huge glass tubes filled with nourish liquid, among whom Lin sees the skins of the other competitors」。原來，那位復活的chief engineer是人皮之下的智慧機器人，Lin自己也是智慧機器人。這一切太出乎意料，但又激發我們對很多科幻小說的聯想。這是怎樣強大的想像力！應該點讚。
這裡還想說一點，主人公百無聊賴時觀看的新聞也是亮點之一，因為這兩段成功地起到了呈現背景信息和烘託的作用。不少選手的故事，在背景呈現時，並沒有將時間定格在20年後，似乎仍然生活在當代。而這一篇故事的每一個細節基本都設定在未來。例如，「The war between Japan and Korea for the property right of a new type of AI robot is exacerbating; Bright Industry has reformed all their cooking and serving robots, fixing the serious mistake of using fork as a spoon to feed babies; a case in which an incomplete robot exploded is solved and the developer of this type of robot is detained」這一段表現出人工智慧已高速發展，並已經深層滲透到人類生活的各個方面。
故事的對話的量恰到好處，既保證了描寫部分的重要性，又形象地刻畫人物性格。例如，自然如此：'I can't believe this is the final test. It is 2035, not 2015. The questions are still so worldly and rigid. People just don't evolve.' He thinks to himself.簡短如此：'Finally,' he smiles, rigid though.冷酷而陰森如此：'So, since you can remember, let's start the purge, shall we?'A wired smile emerges on Lin's face. Wired but natural.
第三，語言使用豐富、流暢、老道。語言使用不詳述了，可圈可點的地方太多了。這一篇記敘文的語言水平不是高，而是「相當高」。讀一讀這一段，何等流暢：「 Numerous human skins are held in huge glass tubes filled with nourish liquid, among whom Lin sees the skins of the other competitors that took the final interview with him. Their vital signs are at the standard level. Episodes of memories are flooding into Lin's store card. He remember how he was created, what project is put into his mind and how he developed his own will. Under the flesh skin lies an artificial robot.」語言運用的精準、高貴和自如反映出故事人物的沉著、鎮定，也更凸顯故事性和恐怖的氛圍。
也有個別瑕疵，例如，偶爾出現時態錯誤；個別標點符號用法有誤（引語之後如有呼語，則引號內不用句號，而應該用逗號：'And a perfectly evloved civilization with great intelligence ever will take over the world,' replies Lin.）
總體而言，這一篇故事從內容、組織和語言方面都表現出極高的水平，在整個比賽中也尤為突出。
選手作品展示
鄔可馨
石河子大學
2017「外研社杯」全國英語寫作大賽一等獎
（指導老師：崔建強老師）
為真實展示選手賽場上的寫作風貌，文章為從iTEST 大學外語測試與訓練系統中摘出的原生作品，僅供學習分享使用。
Lin's friend, Lee, is one of the competitors. They grew up together and surely he is the one Lin least expects to see. Lee is not prepared to be eliminated, though. He has obtained a PhD degree from a prestigious University. For the last two months, the HR manager has been inviting him to apply for this position. It seems pretty obvious that Lee, this young and accomplished man, with a bright future ahead of him, is definitely going to get the job, even though he will confront those so-called mighty robots.
"What is that again? Human Intelligence." He scrolls down the web page introducing the types of the two humanoid robots he is going to meet. "I prefer this one. She was set to be more docile. She might be a good friend, well, when I am in need."
"Type C112345." Lee tells the type of that female robot to phone.
"And what level of control would you like to access, Sir?" coming from the other end of the phone.
"Well, let's make it the top level." He replies. After paying 1o, ooo grand for it, he receives a link to an application called RB control. He opens the app, and laughs out insanely when the control options pop on the screen.
With his head held so high and hair pressed so neatly, he enters the company gate. He turns off his phone, and starts glancing at people, until he finally sets his eyes on a similar figure of a man.
"Lin! My old friend! What a surprise!" Lee marches forward.
Lin, on the other hand, is not so pleased to see him. His body freezes when that very voice of Lee's comes from his back." Dear Lord, please, not that man." And as he is praying, he turns to the origin of the voice. Well, here Lee is, with that neatly pressed hair like cold stone and that oily warm smile.
As Lee is shaking his hands and hugging him from various angles, the HR manager approaches, calling the two guys inside and that is when Lee is finally able to let go of Lin's fragile body. Lee naturally sits in the very middle of the room, while Lin gets a seat beside Lee, and the three other competitors enter. Lee stares at the only lady. The lady is wearing a very decent black dress and looks absolutely smart. He instantly takes out the phone and starts to change everything.
"Intelligence, down to 4. Eloquence, down to 3" As he murmurs, the brightness in the lady's eyes start to fade. She was talking to one of the men, but suddenly, she was stammering and speaking with a lot of grammar mistakes.
" I name is Mary. I from near and I want get this job...." The lady starts introducing herself, and apparently, this introduction is not good enough.
"I am sorry, but are you sure your name is Mary? As in , the Mary whom I sent the interview offer to?" The HR manager speaks with slight irritation, while he is flipping Mary's file.
Tear starts to fill the lady's eyes. She cannot explain what is going on with her brain.
Lin has witnessed everything about Lee manipulating this lady. He pinches Lee's left hand and says, " Stop it right now, or I will report you I swear it!"
Lee gives him a pat on his back ," Well, mate, you haven't changed a bit. "
Lin feels disgusted; he raises his hands and asks for permission to go to the toilet. Lee as well, says he wants to go along. The second after they leave the room, Lee stops Lin and whispers," I want to show you something. Shh, promise me you will not laugh out."
Before Lin can refuse, of course he knows it is going to be about insulting the poor lady inside, Lee starts to make changes again. "Intelligence, down to 1. Eloquence, down to 2. Temperament, let's, make it, bad." again, that smile appear on his face." You know, Lin, I wasn't going to get this far. I was going to make her just a little less excellent than me. But now that you are going to report me. I might as well jeopardize everything. Andthat is so fun, just look at her!"
The lady is speaking, but no one can understand. She is sweating and everyone inside seems reluctant to listen to her. And she starts yelling, screaming, stomping her feet like a crazy woman. In the end, she slams the door and runs away, as Lee watching her and laughing.
Lin runs after her, calling out her name," Mary! Mary!" and finally able to stop her from running any further. 「I know that you are a humanoid robot. I just want to tell you the truth. My friend Lee has been changing you statistics. And that is why you are acting all strange inside. If you are willing, let's go back inside, and I will give you justice."
"I know." Mary wiped away her tears and sweats.
"What?" Lin seems confused.
"It is just the way it is. It is our business. We act like being controlled, because that is what you human beings are obsessed with, isn't it?" She says it so easily, and starts to adjust her collars and dress.
"No, I assure you not. No one is like Lee, he is crazy, and I assure you no one is as crazy as him!" Lin tries to explain.
"Thank you. I know you are not like him. You are one of the good ones. But, brother, I have made a lot of money doing this; so, stay out of my business, will you?"
Lin watches Mary walk away with all her poise. And he is just not able to explain anything anymore.
名師點評
田朝霞老師
南京師範大學外國語學院教授、英語語言文學專業文學博士。《「外研社杯」全國英語寫作大賽參賽指南》作者。2015、2016、2017「外研社杯」全國英語寫作、閱讀大賽決賽評委，2015年在「外研社杯」大學生英語挑戰賽總決賽閉幕式上擔任寫作大賽點評專家，2016、2017年擔任閱讀大賽點評專家。曾擔任「外研社杯」全國英語演講大賽決賽評委、「『外研社杯』全國英語演講大賽」系列叢書點評專家。
這篇故事續寫在近百篇作文中也是比較獨特，容易讓人記住的一篇。給人深刻印象的內容至少有兩處：Lee對人工智慧的控制與玩弄；智慧機器人的負面人性化，那種被腐蝕和墮落的傾向。
下面從內容、組織和語言三個維度看看這篇作文的優點與不足。
應該說，這篇作文的亮點主要在其內容方面。第一，故事的主旨較為明確。作者意在揭示，在高度發展的AI時代，AI仍然受人類的掌控，甚至玩弄；而被人性化的AI表現出被腐蝕，並甘於墮落的一面。這一主題通過畫面描寫和背景烘託來表現。一方面，作者刻意描寫了智慧機器人（以Mary為例）的發展在20年後所達到的高度，其智力、情感已與真正的人類接近，難辨真偽；另一方面，作者從反面刻畫智能機器的一切智能如何受控於人類，如Lee如何調控Mary的智力與情緒。第二，故事情節跌宕起伏，自然展開，人物鮮活。故事一開始對Lee的登場做了處理，從與「我」摩擦的細節描寫，讀者對Lee的人品產生質疑。接著，智慧機器人Mary登場，雖然各方面表現與人類無差，但很快在Lee的操縱下，出盡洋相，這使得Lin以及讀者對Mary充滿了同情，對Lee充滿厭惡。作者對於主要人物的性格描繪得較為充分：Lin的善良與正義、Lee的邪惡與玩世不恭，以及Mary的可憐與可恨。第三，結尾出人意料。正當Lin希望為Mary伸張正義之時，Mary卻表現出被腐蝕並甘於墮落的狀態。這一被人性化的智慧機器人以其「人類的寫照」諷刺了人類社會的醜陋。故事結尾的出人意料可以圈紅，但是整個故事讀下來卻給人一種莫名的不舒服感，因為故事的作者對於這種現狀的解釋和態度不夠明朗，甚至沒有能激發更深層次的思考。這樣的故事給我們怎樣的啟示和建設性的幫助呢？這一點筆墨明顯不夠。
從組織方面看，這篇作文也處理得較為成功。1）對話和描寫較為成功地呈現了人物的性格；2）Lee通過對Intelligence、Eloquence和Temperament的調控來調控機器人，這個部分極富想像力；3）欲揚先抑（先儘量凸顯Lee的可惡以及Mary的可憐）使用較為成功。故事的發展脈絡清晰，過渡較為自然。當然，一些邏輯環節還不太清楚，例如，Lee跟Mary什麼關係，憑什麼能夠控制Mary？為什麼Mary說他們通過這種方式掙到很多錢？智慧機器人以怎樣的方式存在於人類社會中？為什麼智力水平可以調控到很低，而真實表現出來的情商（例如了解人情世故、懂得八面玲瓏）卻不能呢？這些較細的邏輯環節未能交代。
這篇作文的語言並非亮點。雖然語言能夠表達故事發展，對話也算流暢，也能夠刻畫和烘託人物性格，換言之，從句法和詞彙使用來看還可以。但是，從語言的規範與整潔角度，這篇作文不能稱為高水平的範本。這些細節方面的瑕疵幾乎遮掩了詞彙使用上的優勢。問題表現在至少兩個方面。第一，拼寫（如1o,ooo等）、空格（如多餘空格、上引號後空格）、標點（如逗號句號之前空格而之後不空格、不規範省略號等）方面的疏忽過多。卷面不夠neat。第二，出現一些不該出現的語法錯誤。如，動詞用法的錯誤：tell sth. to sb.；甚至流水句：My friend Lee, has been changing you statistics, that is why you are acting all strange inside等。故事雖好，但這些不規範的語言使用給人不夠嚴謹的印象。
如果重點關注語言使用，這篇作文很可能難以脫穎而出。但是，瑜不掩瑕，瑕不掩瑜。當大部分故事較為平淡，缺乏跌宕起伏的情節發展，寓意也缺乏深刻性的情況下，這一篇便突顯出來。
在這次作文大賽中，讀到最多的故事是：Lin在面試的路上，或在面試過程中，甚至在面試之後，出現一個小插曲，主要表現出人有情感，而機器人沒有，所以最終人類被選上。還有其他故事意在表現機器人必定不如人類，還有一些作文故事脈絡不清楚，沒有高潮等等。頻繁出現雷同的故事、故事不夠生動或者沒有故事，這都是缺乏想像力的表現。歸根結底，出於至少兩個原因：第一是陷入俗套，「不敢越雷池一步」；第二是思維僵化，不能深入洞察。
這裡，想再說兩句續寫故事任務所要求的創造性思維和批判性思維能力。人們常將創造性思維（creative thinking）與批判性思維（critical thinking）對立起來，其實不然。缺乏想像力可能是因為缺乏批判性思維能力。創造性思維與批判性思維密不可分（「Criticality assesses; creativity originates.」）。（有關創造性思維和批判性思維之間的關係，這裡不贅述。感興趣的同學可以閱讀「思想者系列叢書」之《批判性思維與創造性思維》。）
總體來說，這一篇作文仍是一篇較為成功的故事續寫。
來源：全國英語寫作大賽官網
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