As an actor, I get scripts and it's my job to stay on script, to say my lines and bring to life a character that someone else wrote. Over the course of my career, I've had the great honor playing some of the greatest male role models ever represented on television. You might recognize me as "Male Escort #1."
作為一個演員，我會拿到劇本， 我的工作就是專注於我的劇本， 說出我的臺詞， 給其他人寫的人物帶來生命。在我的職業生涯中， 我有過極大的榮幸， 扮演一些電視中 最偉大的男性角色。你可能認出我是 「頭牌應召男郎"。
"Photographer Date Rapist," "Shirtless Date Rapist" from the award-winning "Spring Break Shark Attack."
"赴約的攝影強姦犯"， 獲過獎的"深海狂怒"中 "赴約的赤膊強姦犯"。
"Shirtless Medical Student," "Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man" and, in my most well-known role, as Rafael.
"赤膊的醫學生"， "赤膊的使用類固醇的人" 以及我最著名的角色 Rafael。
A brooding, reformed playboy who falls for, of all things, a virgin, and who is only occasionally shirtless.
一個悶悶不樂，改過自新的花花公子， 迷戀著任何事物，迷戀著處女， 一個偶爾赤膊的花花公子。
Now, these roles don't represent the kind of man I am in my real life, but that's what I love about acting. I get to live inside characters very different than myself. But every time I got one of these roles, I was surprised, because most of the men I play ooze machismo, charisma and power, and when I look in the mirror, that's just not how I see myself. But it was how Hollywood saw me, and over time, I noticed a parallel between the roles I would play as a man both on-screen and off.
但是這些角色並不能代表在真實生活中的我， 但這就是我喜歡表演的地方。我活在這些和我很不一樣的角色中。每一次我在一個角色中的時候， 我總是非常的驚訝， 驚訝於大多數我扮演的角色 充滿了男子氣概，魅力以及力量， 當我看著鏡子的時候， 我想這不是我如何看待我自己的。但這是好萊塢如何看待我的， 隨著時間的推移，我注意到 熒幕前的我和熒幕後的我 有著相似之處。
I've been pretending to be a man that I'm not my entire life. I've been pretending to be strong when I felt weak, confident when I felt insecure and tough when really I was hurting. I think for the most part I've just been kind of putting on a show, but I'm tired of performing. And I can tell you right now that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time. Now -- right?
我開始假裝成一個 生活中我不是這樣的人。當我感到虛弱的時候，我假裝成強壯的。當我缺乏信心的時候，我假裝成很有自信。當我被傷害的時候，我裝成很堅強。我認為大多數時候，我只是在一個表演中， 但是我已經厭倦表演了。我現在可以告訴你， 總是成為一個男子氣概的男人形象 對所有人來說都是精疲力竭的。對吧？
My brother heard that.
我的兄弟聽到了。
Now, for as long as I can remember, I've been told the kind of man that I should grow up to be. As a boy, all I wanted was to be accepted and liked by the other boys, but that acceptance meant I had to acquire this almost disgusted view of the feminine, and since we were told that feminine is the opposite of masculine, I either had to reject embodying any of these qualities or face rejection myself. This is the script that we've been given. Right? Girls are weak, and boys are strong. This is what's being subconsciously communicated to hundreds of millions of young boys and girls all over the world, just like it was with me.
現在，就我所記得的，我一直被告訴 我要成為我應該成為的那樣的男人。作為一個男孩，我想要的 就被其他男孩接受和喜歡， 被其他男孩接受意味著， 我不得不對女性抱有些厭惡的觀點， 而由於我們被告知女性是男性的反面， 我要麼拒絕擁有這些品質， 要麼面對的是拒絕我自己。這是我們所被給予的劇本。對嗎？女孩子是虛弱的， 男孩子是強壯的。這潛移默化的影響著 世界上成千上萬的男孩和女孩， 就像它影響著我一樣。
Well, I came here today to say, as a man that this is wrong, this is toxic, and it has to end.
我今天來到這裡是想說，作為男性， 這樣的想法是錯誤的，這是有害的， 這需要被終止。
Now, I'm not here to give a history lesson. We likely all know how we got here, OK? But I'm just a guy that woke up after 30 years and realized that I was living in a state of conflict, conflict with who I feel I am in my core and conflict with who the world tells me as a man I should be. But I don't have a desire to fit into the current broken definition of masculinity, because I don't just want to be a good man. I want to be a good human. And I believe the only way that can happen is if men learn to not only embrace the qualities that we were told are feminine in ourselves but to be willing to stand up, to champion and learn from the women who embody them.
我現在不是來上歷史課的。我們大概都知道我們是怎麼來的，對吧？但是我在出生的30年後在意識到 我生活在一個充滿矛盾的地方， 和我認為的自我是矛盾的， 和人們告訴我我應該 成為一個怎麼樣的男人是矛盾的。但是我並不渴望 去適應現在這個破碎的男性概念。因為我不想只成為一個好的男人。我想成為一個好的人。我認為唯一一個能實現的辦法就是 如果男人不僅僅接受那些 被認為是在我們體內的女性特徵， 而且願意站起來， 向展示著這些特徵的女性鼓掌和學習。
Now, men --
現在，男士們——
I am not saying that everything we have learned is toxic. OK? I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with you or me, and men, I'm not saying we have to stop being men. But we need balance, right? We need balance, and the only way things will change is if we take a real honest look at the scripts that have been passed down to us from generation to generation and the roles that, as men, we choose to take on in our everyday lives.
我沒有說我們所有學到的都是不好的。對嗎？我不是說你或我有什麼內在的毛病， 男士們，我不是說讓我們不要再成為男人。但是我們需要平衡，對嗎 我們需要平衡， 唯一能改變的事是 如果我們能夠誠實的看待 代代相傳、 遞到我們手上的劇本， 和我們選擇去呈現在每天的生活中 作為男人的角色。
So speaking of scripts, the first script I ever got came from my dad. My dad is awesome. He's loving, he's kind, he's sensitive, he's nurturing, he's here.
所以說到劇本， 我得到的第一個劇本來自我的爸爸。我爸爸很棒。他充滿愛、很慈祥、很感性、很關愛我， 他就在這裡。
He's crying.
他正在哭。
But, sorry, Dad, as a kid I resented him for it, because I blamed him for making me soft, which wasn't welcomed in the small town in Oregon that we had moved to. Because being soft meant that I was bullied. See, my dad wasn't traditionally masculine, so he didn't teach me how to use my hands. He didn't teach me how to hunt, how to fight, you know, man stuff. Instead he taught me what he knew: that being a man was about sacrifice and doing whatever you can to take care of and provide for your family. But there was another role I learned how to play from my dad, who, I discovered, learned it from his dad, a state senator who later in life had to work nights as a janitor to support his family, and he never told a soul. That role was to suffer in secret. And now three generations later, I find myself playing that role, too. So why couldn't my grandfather just reach out to another man and ask for help? Why does my dad to this day still think he's got to do it all on his own? I know a man who would rather die than tell another man that they're hurting. But it's not because we're just all, like, strong silent types. It's not. A lot of us men are really good at making friends, and talking, just not about anything real.
但是，抱歉，爸爸。作為一個孩子我討厭他哭， 因為我責怪他把我變得柔軟， 這是我們曾搬過去的一個俄勒岡州小鎮上 不受歡迎的特點。因為變得柔軟意味著我被欺負了。看，我的爸爸不是一個傳統意義上的男性， 他沒有教會我如何使用我的手。他沒有教會我如何去捕獵，如何去打架。你知道的，那些男人的東西。相反，他教我他所知道的東西：成為一個男人需要犧牲， 做任何你能做到的東西 來照顧和撫養你的家庭。但是還有另一個 我從我父親那裡學到的角色， 而我的父親是從他的父親那些學到的。他的父親是一個州議員， 在下半生中 不得不在夜間作為一個看門人 工作來支撐他的家庭， 而他從來沒有告訴別人這件事。他默默的受著苦。現在，三代之後， 我發現我自己也在扮演這個角色。所以，為什麼我的爺爺不去向另一個人 尋求幫助呢？為什麼我的爸爸直到今天 仍然認為他獨自需要完成這些呢？我知道一個男人寧願死， 也不願告訴別人他們受傷。但是這並不是因為我們全部是 強壯緘默的類型。不是這樣的。很多男人很善於交朋友和聊天， 但卻不是關於真實的事。
If it's about work or sports or politics or women, we have no problem sharing our opinions, but if it's about our insecurities or our struggles, our fear of failure, then it's almost like we become paralyzed. At least, I do.
如果這是關於工作、體育、政治、或者女人， 我們會毫無猶豫的去分享我們的觀點， 但是如果是關於我們的不安全感、 關於我們的掙扎、 關於我們對失敗的恐懼， 然後這就幾乎像我們癱瘓了一樣。至少，我是這樣的。
So some of the ways that I have been practicing breaking free of this behavior are by creating experiences that force me to be vulnerable. So if there's something I'm experiencing shame around in my life, I practice diving straight into it, no matter how scary it is -- and sometimes, even publicly. Because then in doing so I take away its power, and my display of vulnerability can in some cases give other men permission to do the same.
所以一些我一直在練習 擺脫這種行為的方式， 就是創造讓我不得不去變的脆弱的經歷。所以如果我的生活中 有一些我感到羞恥的事情， 我就會直接進入它， 不管它有多嚇人—— 有時，甚至公開這麼做。因為要是這樣做的話， 我就能剝奪它的力量， 我的脆弱表現在一些情況下 能促使別的男人去做同樣的事。
As an example, a little while ago I was wrestling with an issue in my life that I knew I needed to talk to my guy friends about, but I was so paralyzed by fear that they would judge me and see me as weak and I would lose my standing as a leader that I knew I had to take them out of town on a three-day guys trip --
舉個例子，一段時間前， 我那時正在糾結我生活中的一個問題， 我意識到我需要跟我的朋友們談談， 但是我被恐懼嚇得不知所措， 認為他們會批判我，覺得我懦弱 我會因此失去我作為領導者的地位， 以至於我知道我不得不 帶他們出去玩三天——
Just to open up. And guess what? It wasn't until the end of the third day that I finally found the strength to talk to them about what I was going through. But when I did, something amazing happened. I realized that I wasn't alone, because my guys had also been struggling. And as soon as I found the strength and the courage to share my shame, it was gone. Now, I've learned over time that if I want to practice vulnerability, then I need to build myself a system of accountability. So I've been really blessed as an actor. I've built a really wonderful fan base, really, really sweet and engaged, and so I decided to use my social platform as kind of this Trojan horse wherein I could create a daily practice of authenticity and vulnerability. The response has been incredible. It's been affirming, it's been heartwarming. I get tons of love and press and positive messages daily. But it's all from a certain demographic: women.
然後才能開誠布公。你猜怎麼著了？在三天裡的最後一天， 我終於有勇氣跟他們說了 關於我現在正在經歷煩惱的事。但是當我說的時候， 一些令人震驚的事發生了 我意識到我不是一個人， 因為我的朋友們也都正在經歷煩惱掙扎。當我找到勇氣來分享我的恥辱的時候， 它自己就消失了。現在，我已經學到了 如果我想經歷脆弱， 那我需要建立一個自我問責系統。所以，我很慶幸我是一個演員。我已經建立了一個豐富多彩的粉絲團， 他們人很好也很投入， 所以我決定把我的社交平臺 當成特洛伊木馬， 那裡我可以面對每日的真實和脆弱。評論非常不可思議。很肯定，很暖心。我每天都收到一堆愛心、關注和積極的信息。但這些評論的都來自於一種人：女性。
This is real. Why are only women following me? Where are the men?
這是真的。為什麼只有女性關注我？男性同胞都去哪兒了？
About a year ago, I posted this photo. Now, afterwards, I was scrolling through some of the comments, and I noticed that one of my female fans had tagged her boyfriend in the picture, and her boyfriend responded by saying, "Please stop tagging me in gay shit. Thx."
大概一年前，我發了這張照片。之後我在翻看一些評論的時候， 發現一位女粉絲在照片裡tag了她男朋友。然後她男朋友回復， 「別在基佬的鬼東西裡tag我。多謝。」
As if being gay makes you less of a man, right?
就好像作為同性戀讓你不男人了，是嗎？
So I took a deep breath, and I responded. I said, very politely, that I was just curious, because I'm on an exploration of masculinity, and I wanted to know why my love for my wife qualified as gay shit. And then I said, honestly I just wanted to learn.
所以我深呼吸， 然後回復了。我非常禮貌地說， 我只是好奇， 因為我正在探索男性氣概， 我想知道為什麼我對我妻子的愛 被歸納成基佬的鬼東西了。然後我說，說真的我只是想學習一下。
Now, he immediately wrote me back. I thought he was going to go off on me, but instead he apologized. He told me how, growing up, public displays of affection were looked down on. He told me that he was wrestling and struggling with his ego, and how much he loved his girlfriend and how thankful he was for her patience. And then a few weeks later, he messaged me again. This time he sent me a photo of him on one knee proposing.
他立刻回復我了。我本以為他會衝我發火， 沒想到他卻向我道歉了。他告訴我，從小到大， 公開秀恩愛都是被鄙視的。他告訴我他正在跟自尊心掙扎， 他多麼愛他的女朋友， 還有他對她的耐心有多麼感激。幾周之後， 他又發簡訊了。這次他給我傳了一張照片， 裡面他單膝跪地求婚。
And all he said was, "Thank you."
他只說了一句話，「謝謝你。」
I've been this guy. I get it. See, publicly, he was just playing his role, rejecting the feminine, right? But secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself, to be seen, to be heard, and all he needed was another man holding him accountable and creating a safe space for him to feel, and the transformation was instant. I loved this experience, because it showed me that transformation is possible, even over direct messages. So I wanted to figure out how I could reach more men, but of course none of them were following me.
我走過他那條路。我懂。看到沒，在公開場合，他只是在例行公事， 排斥女性，對吧？但私下裡他在等待一個許可，去表達自己， 去讓別人看到自己，聽見自己 他需要的只是另一個男性 對他負責，並給他一個能安全感受的空間， 而這變化是瞬間的。我喜歡這種經歷， 因為它告訴我，變化是可能的， 從簡訊對話就能看出來。所以我在想怎麼接觸到更多男性， 但當然他們誰沒有關注我。
So I tried an experiment. I started posting more stereotypically masculine things --
所以我做了個實驗。我開始發更多刻板印象裡男性化的東西——
Like my challenging workouts, my meal plans, my journey to heal my body after an injury. And guess what happened? Men started to write me. And then, out of the blue, for the first time in my entire career, a male fitness magazine called me, and they said they wanted to honor me as one of their game-changers.
比如挑戰性的健身，飲食規劃， 受傷之後自愈的過程。猜後來怎麼樣了？男性們開始聯繫我了。後來，突然有一天，我職業生涯第一次 有個男性健美雜誌打電話給我， 說他們想叫我改變遊戲規則的人。
Was that really game-changing? Or is it just conforming? And see, that's the problem. It's totally cool for men to follow me when I talk about guy stuff and I conform to gender norms. But if I talk about how much I love my wife or my daughter or my 10-day-old son, how I believe that marriage is challenging but beautiful, or how as a man I struggle with body dysmorphia, or if I promote gender equality, then only the women show up. Where are the men? So men, men, men, men!
這真的很挑戰遊戲規則嗎？還是這只是守規矩？看吧，這就是問題。當我討論男性話題， 還有順從於後天性別準則時， 男性關注我完全沒問題。但當我表達我有多愛妻子， 我女兒，或者我十天大的兒子時， 當我堅信婚姻複雜卻美麗， 當我作為一個男人和軀體變形抗爭， 或者當我提倡性別平等時，只有女性來了。男人們去哪兒了？所以，男人們，男人們，男人們， 男人們！
I understand. Growing up, we tend to challenge each other. We've got to be the toughest, the strongest, the bravest men that we can be. And for many of us, myself included, our identities are wrapped up in whether or not at the end of the day we feel like we're man enough. But I've got a challenge for all the guys, because men love challenges.
我明白。成長過程中，我們挑戰對方。我們都要成為最堅強， 最強大，最勇敢的男性。對很多男性來說，包括我自己， 我們的身份都被 一天結束後覺不覺得 自己夠男人的感覺牽絆住了。但現在我給所有男性一個挑戰， 因為男人們都愛挑戰。
I challenge you to see if you can use the same qualities that you feel make you a man to go deeper into yourself. Your strength, your bravery, your toughness: Can we redefine what those mean and use them to explore our hearts? Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? To reach out to another man when you need help? To dive headfirst into your shame? Are you strong enough to be sensitive, to cry whether you are hurting or you're happy, even if it makes you look weak? Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life? To hear their ideas and their solutions? To hold their anguish and actually believe them, even if what they're saying is against you? And will you be man enough to stand up to other men when you hear "locker room talk," when you hear stories of sexual harassment? When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk, will you actually stand up and do something so that one day we don't have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything and come forward to say the words "me too?"
我挑戰你們能不能用 讓你們覺得成為一個男人的品質 往深了審視自己。你們的力量、勇敢、堅強：我們能把它們重新定義， 並其用來探索我們的心嗎？你們有沒有勇氣 去變得脆弱？當你們需要幫助時去找另一個人？去一頭扎進你們的恥辱嗎？你們夠不夠強大去變得敏感， 去哭一哭，不管你們在痛苦著， 還是快樂著， 即使這讓你們看起來很懦弱？你們有沒有足夠自信 去傾聽生命中的女性？去傾聽她們的想法和解決辦法？去阻止她們的痛苦， 並真正相信她們， 即使她們在說抗拒你的話？你們夠不夠男人， 在你聽到「更衣室談話」時， 聽到性騷擾故事時，去對抗其他男性？當你聽到男生們討論 吃她豆腐或把她灌醉時， 你會站起來做一些事兒嗎？這樣有一天，我們就不用生活在一個 女性什麼事情都要冒著險去做， 並站出來說「我也是」的世界了。
This is serious stuff. I've had to take a real, honest look at the ways that I've unconsciously been hurting the women in my life, and it's ugly. My wife told me that I had been acting in a certain way that hurt her and not correcting it. Basically, sometimes when she would go to speak, at home or in public, I would just cut her off mid-sentence and finish her thought for her. It's awful. The worst part was that I was completely unaware when I was doing it. It was unconscious. So here I am doing my part, trying to be a feminist, amplifying the voices of women around the world, and yet at home, I am using my louder voice to silence the woman I love the most. So I had to ask myself a tough question: am I man enough to just shut the hell up and listen?
這是很嚴肅的問題。我需要真實、誠懇地反省 我是怎麼無意識地傷害生命中的女性的， 這很醜惡。我妻子跟我說我一直在傷她， 而且也不改正。就是說，有時候她在家或者公共場合 說話時， 我會直接從中間打斷她然後自己說完。這太差勁了。最糟糕的是，我完全不知道自己在這麼做。這是無意識的。所以看起來我在履行職責， 嘗試成為一名女權主義者， 放大全球女性的聲音， 可是在家呢， 我在用我最大的聲音讓我最愛的女人安靜。所以我得問我自己一個艱難的問題：我夠不夠男人， 去閉上臭嘴並聆聽？
I've got to be honest. I wish that didn't get an applause.
說實話，我倒希望你們沒給這段鼓掌。
Guys, this is real. And I'm just scratching the surface here, because the deeper we go, the uglier it gets, I guarantee you. I don't have time to get into porn and violence against women or the split of domestic duties or the gender pay gap. But I believe that as men, it's time we start to see past our privilege and recognize that we are not just part of the problem. Fellas, we are the problem. The glass ceiling exists because we put it there, and if we want to be a part of the solution, then words are no longer enough.
各位， 這是真正存在的。而且現在我談及表面， 因為越往深走越醜惡， 我給你打保票。我沒時間探討針對女性的黃片和暴力， 家務劃分， 或者工資差距。但我相信，作為男人， 是時候無視我們的優先權 而去認識到我們不是問題的一部分。夥計們，我們就是問題。是我們讓這層玻璃天花板存在的， 如果我們想成為解決方案的一部分， 光說說是遠遠不夠的。
There's a quote that I love that I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings. It says that "the world of humanity is possessed of two wings, the male and the female. So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength, the bird will not fly."
我很喜歡以前巴哈伊教篇章的一句話。「人類世界擁有一對翅膀， 男人和女人。只要這對翅膀力量不平衡， 鳥就不會飛翔。」
So women, on behalf of men all over the world who feel similar to me, please forgive us for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength. And now I would like to ask you to formally help us, because we cannot do this alone. We are men. We're going to mess up. We're going to say the wrong thing. We're going to be tone-deaf. We're more than likely, probably, going to offend you. But don't lose hope. We're only here because of you, and like you, as men, we need to stand up and become your allies as you fight against pretty much everything. We need your help in celebrating our vulnerability and being patient with us as we make this very, very long journey from our heads to our hearts. And finally to parents: instead of teaching our children to be brave boys or pretty girls, can we maybe just teach them how to be good humans?
所以女性們， 我代表這世界上 和我感受一樣的男性們， 請求原諒， 因為我們沒有信賴你們的力量。現在我想請你們幫助我們， 因為只憑我們自己還不夠。我們是男人，我們肯定會搞砸， 我們說話都不過腦子，我們沒有情商。我們肯定會冒犯你們。但別放棄希望。我們在這兒是為了你們， 和你們一樣，作為男人， 我們需要站起來做你們的盟友， 在你們和差不多所有事情 做鬥爭的時候。我們需要你們幫忙 在我們徹頭徹尾 進行這段旅程的時候， 慶祝我們的弱小， 並對我們有點耐心。最後送給家長：能不能不要教孩子 怎麼做勇敢的男生或漂亮的女生， 而教他們去做好人嗎？
So back to my dad. Growing up, yeah, like every boy, I had my fair share of issues, but now I realize that it was even thanks to his sensitivity and emotional intelligence that I am able to stand here right now talking to you in the first place. The resentment I had for my dad I now realize had nothing to do with him. It had everything to do with me and my longing to be accepted and to play a role that was never meant for me. So while my dad may have not taught me how to use my hands, he did teach me how to use my heart, and to me that makes him more a man than anything.
再回來說說我爸。從小到大，像任何一個男生一樣， 我也有自己的問題， 但現在我意識到是因為他的敏感 和情商， 我才能夠站在這裡和你們說話。過去對我父親的怨恨， 我現在發現和他沒關係 全是和我，我對被接受的渴望 和做我不該做的職責的關係。所以儘管我父親沒有教我怎麼用手， 他教會了我怎麼用心， 對我來說這讓他成為了 比任何人都偉大的父親。
Thank you.
謝謝。