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洛杉磯市 建於1781年
-早安 先生 -早上好
- Good morning, sir. - Morning.
-早上好 市長先生 -你好
- Good morning, Mr. Mayor. - Hello.
-見到您很高興 市長 -早安
- Good to see you, mayor. - Morning.
早上好 早安
Good morning. Morning.
早上好
Morning.
你知道我是迷路了吧
You do realize I'm lost, right?
-這邊走 先生 -早安
- Oh, uh, it's this way, sir. - Morning.
先生 我知道您拒絕使用提詞器
Sir, I know you said no to the teleprompter,
但請您記得強調創造就業
but just remember to emphasize job creation,
還有 拜託別再嘗試說西語了
and please don't try to speak Spanish again.
西語裡"狗狗"和"但是"是同一個詞 又不能怪我
It's not my fault pero means "Dog" and "But."
這也太傻了
That's just goofy.
您最好把手錶交給我保管 先生
You might wanna let me hold your watch, sir.
戴愛彼表可能會被視為精英主義者
An Audemars Piguet might be perceived as elitist.
精英這個詞幾時變成負面的了 湯米
When exactly did elite become a bad word, Tommy?
2001年設計師派瑞·艾力斯的精英古龍水問世時
2001, Perry Ellis introduces Elite cologne.
尾調是燻草豆和橡苔 給誰用啊
Base notes of tonka bean and oakmoss--who is that for?
打擾了 布裡莫先生
Excuse me, Mr. Bremer?
我是傑登·誇比斯 傳媒部臨時部長
Hi, I'm Jayden Kwapis, Interim Director of Communications.
你的手很...暖 傑登
You're hand's very... warm, Jayden.
是的 我剛拿著一塊法包披薩
Yes, I was holding a French bread pizza.
-好吧 -您準備好了嗎 先生
- Okay. - Are you ready, sir?
如果我說沒有呢
What if I say no?
市長先生 市長先生
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
你們能相信嗎
Can you believe this?
市長先生
第一季 第一集
真沒想到我會站在這裡
Well, hey, I never thought I'd be standing here.
我知道你肯定沒想過 瑞克
And I know you didn't, Rick.
我不是政客
I'm not a politician.
去年這個時候 我是個快樂的退休人士
This time last year, I was happily retired,
推桿 鍛鍊 從不使用我的戶外廚房
putting, exercising, and never using my outdoor kitchen.
在大家覺得隔離另類之前 我就已經在隔離了
I was quarantining before it was cool.
不會吧
Heigh-ho!
好吧 接太早了
Uh, too soon, maybe.
但我熱愛這座城市
But I love this city.
和許多洛杉磯人一樣
Like so many Angelenos,
我選擇在洛杉磯安家
I chose LA as my home.
1976年 我跟隨一個女朋友來到這裡
In 1976, I followed a girlfriend out here.
典型的加州故事
Classic California story.
她想當演員 但沒能成功
She wanted to be an actress, but hey, she didn't make it.
她被暗夜跟蹤魔殺了
She was killed by the Night Stalker.
借撒旦之名姦殺碎屍的連環殺手
但我在試圖找到她的期間
But in my attempts to find her,
無意中進入了戶外廣告行業
I stumbled into the outdoor advertising business.
廣告牌
Billboards.
20年來 你們被困在拉布雷亞時
For 20 years, I gave you something to dream about
是我給了你們夢想的目標
while you were stuck on La Brea.
科學教 安吉莉
Scientology, Angeline,
順便還有 《護士當家》
for your consideration, "Nurse Jackie."
但如今 我重披戰袍
But now, I'm unretired
因為我的城市需要我
because my city needed me.
我們都很感激前任市長德爾加多
We're all grateful to former Mayor Delgado.
在那段前所未有的艱難時期裡
He served this city valiantly
他英勇無畏地為這座城市效力
through an unprecedented time.
也許是雷擊引發了地震
The lightning strikes may have caused the earthquake,
2020新冠大火
德爾加多市長在市中心每小時進行緊急匯報
地震又使得許多檢測中心關閉
which has shut down a number of testing centers.
我們昨晚得知一直用於
Now, we learned overnight that the app we've been using
2020新冠大火
德爾加多市長在市中心每小時進行緊急匯報
遠程教育的應用是惡意軟體
for distance learning is malware
也許正在拍攝你孩子上廁所...
and might be filming your kids on the toilet--
先生 我們剛發現殺人黃蜂捲土重來
Sir, we just found out that the murder hornets are back,
原來它們並不是黃蜂
and it turns out, they are not hornets.
而是朝鮮的微型戰鬥機
They are tiny North Korean fighter jets.
我不幹了
I'm out!
2020 我被你擊垮了
2020, you broke me!
剩下的你們都知道了 德爾加多退休了
Y'all know the rest. Delgado retired,
鄉村歌手多莉·帕頓出錢給所有人買了疫苗
Dolly Parton bought everyone the vaccine,
他們號召補選 我便加入了
they called a special election, and I jumped in.
你們想知道我為何加入嗎
You wanna know why I jumped in?
因為那天市長辭職了
Because that day, the mayor quit.
隨後人們發現他攀爬我其中一塊廣告牌
And he was later found climbing one of my billboards.
記得嗎 沒錯
Remember that? Yeah.
那塊廣告牌寫著
And the billboard said,
"布裡莫 現在有空了"
"Bremer. Available Now."
知道嗎
And you know what?
我當時心想 "那塊廣告牌是個預兆"
I thought to myself, "That sign is a sign."
好了 有人提問嗎
All right, questions. Anyone?
這邊 就是你
Over here. Yeah?
您什麼時候任命官員
When will you be making appointments?
您還沒任命任何一位副市長
You haven't named a single deputy mayor.
因為我不想要副市長
And I don't want any.
就像我女兒以前擦屁屁時說的
Like my daughter used to say about wiping her tushy,
"不要 我自己來"
"No! Me do it."
不要副市長
No deputy mayors.
聽著 我知道這座城市面臨著各種嚴重問題
Look, I know that this city has big, big issues facing it.
所以今天我想先從一件我們都能
That's why today, I wanna start with something small
達成共識的小事開始
we can all agree on.
我想禁止一件...
I wanna ban something...
糟糕的事
that sucks.
你們猜是什麼事
Guess what it is?
老天 真不敢相信他贏了
Oh, my God, I can't believe he won.
真不敢相信是我幹的好事
I can't believe I did this.
比洋娃娃大嗎
Is it bigger than a doll?
雙種族推文會緊咬我不放的
Biracial Twitter's gonna come for me.
你在說什麼
What are you talking about?
是我讓那個白人老頭看起來可靠有型
I made that old, white man seem cogent and cool.
是我叫他在診療所登廣告
I got him to advertise in dispensaries.
是我安排他的人形紙板在NBA總決賽時
I got his cardboard cutout seated next to Kendall Jenner
坐在網紅肯豆·詹娜旁邊
at the NBA Finals.
是我給他那臺玩具手機 騙他他正在上面發推
I got him that toy phone, and told him he was tweeting on it.
好了 你現在到底是焦慮發作
Okay, is this an anxiety attack,
-還是單純自誇 -兩樣都有
- or are you just bragging? - It's both!
因為我 他才贏得68%的選票
Because of me, he won 68% of the vote.
他贏得了8%願意投票的選民中68%的票
He won 68% of the 8% of people who voted,
順便提醒下 千萬別告訴他
which, by the way, never tell him.
-重要的是他當選了 -但他不夠格
- What matters is that he's in! - But he's not qualified.
他以為聖塔莫尼卡是洛杉磯的一部分
He thinks Santa Monica is part of Los Angeles.
-他不完美 那又怎樣 -何止不完美
- So he's not perfect. - Perfect?
湯米 那臺玩具手機能發出牲口的叫聲
Tommy, that toy phone makes farm animal sounds.
記住 選舉不是婚姻
Remember, election is not marriage.
你不是要找到命中注定的完美配偶
You're not trying to find "The one."
就跟相親一樣 不會是完美的
It's like dating. It's not going to be perfect.
也不會有趣 愉快或充實
Or fun, or good, or fulfilling,
但你還是要照做 這樣你媽才能在教會炫耀
but you do it so your mom can brag at church.
好吧 我接受這份工作時
Okay, I took this job
是作為短期高薪公關任務來接的
as a short, high-paying PR challenge.
現在我們贏了 我要怎麼樣
Now, we won, and I'm supposed to just, what?
為市政府工作嗎
Work for the city?
我的粉絲們想看我發布的可不是這種內容
That's not content my followers wanna see.
如果你想的話 就走人吧
Well, bail if you want to.
我很激動能成為這屆政府的一份子
I am excited about being a part of this administration.
是嗎 你是打算全心投入嗎
Really, you're telling me you're all-in?
把未來押在這人身上
On this guy?
不 我非常能接受機器人警力這個想法
No. I'm very open to the idea of a robot police force.
謝謝你提醒我
Thank you for reminding me.
我覺得他是個有魅力的 思想開放的無黨派人士
I think he's a charismatic, open-minded independent.
所以如果你沒辦法加入進來
So if you can't get on board,
那就別與我同床共枕 同舟共濟
then you should get the hell out of my bed.
搞什麼《白宮風雲》那一套
Ew, "West Wing,"