📜 中英文對照
What are you doing on this stage in frontof all these people? Run! Run now.
你站在這個舞臺上做什麼？還當著這麼多人的面？快逃！馬上逃跑！
That's the voice of my anxiety talking.Even when there's absolutely nothing wrong, I sometimes get this overwhelmingsense of doom, like danger is lurking just around the corner.
這是我內心的緊張情緒在說話。即便一切都進行得很順利，我也經常會有這種巨大的挫敗感，總覺得危險無處不在。
You see, a few years ago, I was diagnosedwith generalized anxiety and depression -- two conditions that often go hand inhand. Now, there was a time I wouldn't have told anybody, especially not infront of a big audience. As a black woman, I've had to develop extraordinaryresilience to succeed. And like most people in my community, I had themisconception that depression was a sign of weakness, a character flaw.
幾年前，我被診斷出患有焦慮症，和抑鬱症—— 這兩種疾病經常會同時發生。這段經歷我本不願跟任何人分享，尤其是當著這麼多人的面。作為一名黑人女性，我必須有極強的適應能力才能取得成功。如同我社區中的大部分人一樣，我誤以為抑鬱症是軟弱的表現，是一種人格缺陷。
But Iwasn't weak; I was a high achiever. I'd earned a Master's degree in MediaStudies and had a string of high-profile jobs in the film and televisionindustries. I'd even won two Emmy Awards for my hard work. Sure, I was totallyspent, I lacked interest in things I used to enjoy, barely ate, struggled withinsomnia and felt isolated and depleted. But depressed? No, not me.
但我並不軟弱，我還蠻成功的。我獲得了媒體研究的碩士學位，在電影和電視行業有一系列不錯的履歷。我的出色表現 還讓我獲得了兩次艾美獎。沒錯，我感到精疲力盡，我對之前喜歡的事情喪失了興趣，茶飯不思，被失眠所困擾，覺得孤單和消沉。但是抑鬱症？跟我沒什麼關係吧。
It took weeks before I could admit it, butthe doctor was right: I was depressed. Still, I didn't tell anybody about mydiagnosis. I was too ashamed. I didn't think I had the right to be depressed. Ihad a privileged life with a loving family and a successful career. And when Ithought about the unspeakable horrors that my ancestors had been through inthis country so that I could have it better, my shame grew even deeper. I wasstanding on their shoulders. How could I let them down? I would hold my headup, put a smile on my face and never tell a soul.
過了好幾周我才承認，醫生是對的，我的確抑鬱了。但我仍然沒有告訴任何人。我覺得羞愧難當。我從沒想過我也有抑鬱的權利。我生活條件優越，家庭幸福，事業有成。尤其當我想到，正因為我的祖先們在這個國家遭受到那些無法描述的苦難，所以我才能過得好一些，我就越發感到愧疚。我是站在他們肩膀上的。我怎麼能讓他們失望呢？我只能昂起頭，面帶微笑，不對任何人說。
On July 4, 2013, my world came crashing inon me. That was the day I got a phone call from my mom telling me that my22-year-old nephew, Paul, had ended his life, after years of battlingdepression and anxiety. There are no words that can describe the devastation Ifelt. Paul and I were very close, but I had no idea he was in so much pain.Neither one of us had ever talked to the other about our struggles. The shameand stigma kept us both silent.
2013年7月4日，我的世界徹底崩潰了。我接到母親的電話，說我22歲的侄子，保羅，在與焦慮症和抑鬱症抗爭多年之後，結束了自己的生命。沒有語言足以形容我的絕望。我跟保羅很親密，但我從來不知道他遭受著如此大的痛苦。我們也從未跟對方提起過 自己的掙扎與抗爭。羞愧與恥辱感讓我倆都保持沉默。
Now, my way of dealing with adversity is toface it head on, so I spent the next two years researching depression andanxiety, and what I found was mind-blowing. The World Health Organizationreports that depression is the leading cause of sickness and disability in theworld. While the exact cause of depression isn't clear, research suggests thatmost mental disorders develop, at least in part, because of a chemicalimbalance in the brain, and/or an underlying genetic predisposition. So youcan't just shake it off.
現在，我應對逆境的方式 就是昂首向前，接下來我花了兩年時間 來研究抑鬱症和焦慮症，而結果讓我大吃一驚。根據世界衛生組織的報告，抑鬱症是在世界範圍內導致疾病和傷殘 最主要的原因。導致抑鬱症的準確原因尚不清楚，研究顯示，大部分精神疾病的發生，至少有一部分原因，是因為大腦化學物質的不平衡，以及/或者潛在的遺傳易感性。因此你無法根除它。
For black Americans, stressors like racismand socioeconomic disparities put them at a 20 percent greater risk ofdeveloping a mental disorder, yet they seek mental health services at abouthalf the rate of white Americans. One reason is the stigma, with 63 percent ofblack Americans mistaking depression for a weakness. Sadly, the suicide rateamong black children has doubled in the past 20 years.
對於美國黑人而言，來自種族歧視和 社會經濟差異上的壓力 使他們患上心理疾病的 機率要高20%，然而他們尋求心理治療的比例僅僅達到美國白人的一半左右。原因之一就是感到羞恥，有63%的美國黑人將抑鬱症 誤認為是軟弱的表現。令人悲傷的是，黑人兒童的自殺率在過去20年裡增加了一倍。
Now, here's the good news: seventy percentof people struggling with depression will improve with therapy, treatment andmedication. Armed with this information, I made a decision: I wasn't going tobe silent anymore. With my family's blessing, I would share our story in hopesof sparking a national conversation.
當然，也有好消息： 受到抑鬱症困擾的人，在治療和藥物的幫助下，有70%情況會有所好轉。掌握了這些信息後，我做出了一個決定：我不會再沉默下去。有家人的祝福，我要把我們的故事分享出去，希望能引發一場全國性的大討論。
A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,"Being strong is killing us." She's right. We have got to retirethose tired, old narratives of the strong black woman and the super-masculineblack man, who, no matter how many times they get knocked down, just shake itoff and soldier on. Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness. Feelings meanwe're human. And when we deny our humanity, it leaves us feeling empty inside,searching for ways to self-medicate in order to fill the void. My drug was highachievement.
我的一個朋友，凱麗·皮埃爾-露易絲說，「逞強在毀掉我們。」 她說的沒錯。我們要擯棄那些老舊過時的敘述，比如堅強的黑人女性，無比陽剛的黑人男性，他們無論被擊倒多少次，都會爬起來，拍拍灰，繼續前進。感情豐富並不是軟弱的標誌。那意味著我們還有人性。如果我們連自己的人性都否定了，那就成了空心人，終日尋找自我治療的良藥，填補內心的空白。我的良藥就是巨大的成功。
These days, I share my story openly, and Iask others to share theirs, too. I believe that's what it takes to help peoplewho may be suffering in silence to know that they are not alone and to knowthat with help, they can heal. Now, I still have my struggles, particularlywith the anxiety, but I'm able to manage it through daily mediation, yoga and arelatively healthy diet.
這些天來，我公開分享自己的故事，我也鼓勵大家分享自己的。我堅信必須這麼做才能 幫助那些在沉默中忍受痛苦的人們 讓他們知道自己並不孤獨，讓他們相信自己需要幫助，是可以被治癒的。現在我依然在遭受痛苦，主要還是焦慮症，但我可以控制它，通過每天服藥，練瑜伽以及「相對健康的」飲食。
If I feel like things are starting to spiral,I make an appointment to see my therapist, a dynamic black woman named DawnArmstrong, who has a great sense of humor and a familiarity that I findcomforting. I will always regret that I couldn't be there for my nephew. But mysincerest hope is that I can inspire others with the lesson that I've learned.
一旦我感覺自己狀態不好了，我就會約我的治療師見面，她是一位充滿活力的黑人女性叫 道恩·阿姆斯特朗，她很幽默，很親切，讓我感到安心。我一直非常後悔沒有能為我侄子做些什麼。但我真誠地希望 能讓大家吸取我的教訓。
Life is beautiful. Sometimes it's messy,and it's always unpredictable. But it will all be OK when you have your supportsystem to help you through it. I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,you'll ask for a hand, too.
生命是美麗的。有時候也會不順利，永遠充滿未知。但一切都會好起來的，只要擁有能幫助到你的體制。希望你們在撐不住的時候，也會去尋求幫助。
Thank you.(Applause)
謝謝大家。（掌聲）
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