Let me tell you what love actually is.
Love is the experience that someone’s all right the way they are.
It’s not all the garbage. This thing about songs and all that survival stuff. All the stuff you talk about.
What love actually is, is the experience that someone else is all right exactly the way they are.
To love somebody you have to choose for them to be the way they are. Exactly. Not, "Gee, if you』d only cut your hair, then... you know, it would be okay." No, it’s got to be all right just that way. That’s perfect, that’s absolutely perfect, just that way. And, they』ve got to be all right the way they’re not.
Now, if you make something all right the way it is and all right the way it’s not, what’s another word for that?
Space.The person’s got the space to be. You know, they can be. They can be the way they are and they don’t have to.
Because it’s all right with you for them not to be the way they are. And it’s all right with you for them to be the way they are.
That’s love.
The bottom line is to accept the person the way they are and the way they are not, that’s love.
Let me put it in more fundamental terms. To be able to tolerate someone the way they are and the way they are not – is loving them.
The highest expression of love is the experience that you are creating that person exactly the way they are.
They are your creation exactly the way they are, and you are creating the space for them to be any other way.
That’s an ultimate expression of love. To create the space for people to be the way they are and to create the space for people to be the way they aren’t.
That’s it.
And if you』ll notice, there’s no survival, and it’s not worth anything. It’s not worth a thing. The only thing that happens to a person functioning in that space is that they discover themselves.
The person creating that space – you know what happens to them? They discover themselves. That’s pretty much it on love.
No big deal. It’s not all that complicated. It is relatively simple, just not so easy to do.
And what I』d like to do is to get to a little bit of what love is, and then take a little bit closer look at what blocks us from experiencing what love is, and essentially love is …. And that’s it.
See, it isn’t any more complicated than that. And it’s very difficult to get that. You see, what’s very difficult to get is that’s all there is.
All the rest of it is an illusion.
You see 「I love you」 is an illusion. It really is. And I really hate to break people’s illusions up. I shouldn’t say that because I really enjoy doing it; it’s my business. (laughter) And I would really like to communicate that 「I love you」 is an illusion.
And if you take a look at 「I love you」 you』ll see that 「I love you」 has to come from … (interruption) … So, this idea of 「I love you」 is really an illusion and I think if you』ll look at it with me for just a moment, you』ll see that it’s an illusion.
If I walked up and say 「I love you」 that’s got to come out of the notion that I might not. You see, it’s got to come from a sense that there’s something other than 「I love you」.
It’s got to mean 「not other things」 and 「not before I found out that I did, but now I love you」; and 「I don’t love other things, I love you – and not other things」.You see, this whole struggle that you and I go through to achieve love, to get love, to have love, to be loved, to love each other; this whole thing that everybody keeps preaching about is all nonsense.
The fastest way to destroy love is to make a goal out of it, because people who are trying to be loved come from a place that they’re not loved.
And people who are trying to love come from a place that they don’t love. And people who admonish other people about loving each other, never got it, they just never got it. That’s all nonsense; that admonishment to love one another.
The truth is that that’s all there is. And if you take the barriers out of the way, if you take the pretenses out of the way, if you take those things that you didn’t take responsibility for in your life out of the way, what you have left is love. And that’s really the whole story about love. Love is.
讓我告訴你愛到底是什麼。
愛是一種「他就是他」的完整經歷。愛到底是什麼，愛是經歷他從始至終，都在成為他自己的經歷。
要愛一個人，你就得讓他選擇他是誰。百分之百的讓他成為他。而不是：「哎呀，如果你願意剪掉你的頭髮，那麼...就好了。」
不！他就應該是他原來的樣子！他原來的樣子就是完美的，他在「不完美」當中就是他的完美。
想像現在，你讓所有的人事都成為他本來的樣子 ，或也讓他成為他本不該的樣子。這叫什麼呢？
空間。
這個人擁有了自己的空間去擴張。你知道，他可以，但他不是必須。因為對你來說，他們呈現這樣或那樣的樣子，都是最對頻的存在。
這是愛。
愛的底線就是接受一個人本來的樣子和不本來的樣子，這就是愛。讓我用更基本的術語來表示：能夠容忍一個人的本來面目和不本來面目——這就是愛他們。
愛的最高表達是你把那個人創造成他們本來的樣子。你為他們創造了空間使其擴展自我，讓他們以任何其他的方式存在。這是愛的終極表達。
就是這樣而已。
如果你留心覺察，這裡根本沒有苟延殘喘，沒有一文不值，哪怕一點點。在那個空間裡的發生，都只是這個人在無限的探索與擴張自我而已。
他們為自己創建了一個空間，你知道他們發生了什麼嗎？唯一會發生的事情真的就只是他們發現了自己。而這就是愛！
這個道理並不宏偉，也沒那麼複雜。這是相對簡單的框架，只是不那麼容易做到。我只是想要做的是了解愛是什麼，然後再仔細看看是什麼阻礙了我們體驗「愛是什麼」，「愛的本質」….就是這樣。
看，你發現了嗎，沒有比（只是看見這些）更複雜的了。這是很難做到的。認真的想想，很難實現的，就只是這些框架了！其餘的都是幻覺。
「我愛你」其實是一種幻覺。我真的不想打破人們的幻想。我不應該把它說出來，因為我真的很喜歡做我的事業——打破你們腦海中的幻想。（哈哈）
我想告訴大家「我愛你」是個錯覺。回想當你說我愛你的時候 ，你的回答是….「我愛你，因為…..」。腦袋裡總會出現一個藏起來的想法，「因為這因為那兒，ohhh，那也可能我不會愛你」。
你看，相比「我愛你」，總還有一些其他的東西，還比如你會說「在我發現我愛你之前，我並不愛你，但現在我愛你」；以及「我不愛別的，我只愛你——我真的不愛別的了。」
😂，你和我為了獲得愛，得到愛，擁有愛，被愛，相愛，經歷的奮鬥...大家一直在宣揚的這整件事，其實根本沒有任何意義！
摧毀愛最快的方法就是從中制定一個目標，因為那些試圖被愛的人，來自一個不被愛的地方。那些試圖去愛的人，來自他們並不愛。而那些告誡別人要彼此相愛的人，他們從來都沒得到過愛，至今都沒真正得到過。
事實是，「這些」就是全部。如果你排除了背後的那些不痛不癢，但一直存在著的障礙，排除了偽裝，排除了那些你生活中沒有承擔的責任，你所剩下的就是愛。這就是愛的全部故事。
責任，是什麼？請看我的另一篇文章：