^^
有朋友後臺問，為什麼有時收不到本公眾號的推送了？
因為公眾號平臺改變了推送規則，請每次閱讀後，請給我的文章點一下「在看」、「贊」、「分享」三連擊，更歡迎大家在文後留言互動。
^^
--
百萬年以前
一個化石的形成
A fossil is formed
是當一個有機體被沉積物
when an organism, preserved in sediment,
通過物理壓縮上百萬年而保存下來
undergoes physical compression over millions of years.
只有少於十萬分之一的
Less than one ten-thousandth percent
有機體會變成化石
of living organisms will become fossils.
是不是很厲害啊
Isn't it amazing
這麼脆弱的物體可以在如此低的機率下存活
that something so fragile can defy those odds,
只為了讓自己能遭受如此待遇
only to have this happen to it...
我覺得你沒做對
I don't think you did that right.
好啦各位
All right, everyone,
我們明天再繼續 如果我們運氣好
we'll pick it up here tomorrow. I-If we're lucky,
我們能找到跟食堂大媽菲利絲一樣老的化石
we may find a fossil as old as lunch lady Phyllis.
你們這些小兔崽子不懂什麼好笑
You people don't know what's funny.
庫珀
Cooper!
你能幫我把這個拿去放好嗎
Will you put these away for me?
沒問題
Sure.
你招子給我放亮點
You better watch yourself.
我會 我會的
I will, I-I really will.
你知道你不識相的話會發生什麼事吧
'Cause you know what's gonna happen if you don't.
那是誰啊
Who was that?
沒誰
No one.
他為什麼推你
Why did he push you?
不關你的事
None of your business.
但他很明顯違反了校規啊
But that was a clear violation of the student code of conduct.
我們得去告他狀
We need to tell on him.
我們不去告誰狀 別多事
We're not telling on anyone, stay out of it.
但校規...
But the student code of conduct...
別插手
Drop it.
所以我沒插手
So I did drop it...
整整6分鐘
for six whole minutes.
先生 抱歉打擾了
Excuse me, sir.
當你小便完 我想問問你
When you're done urinating, I'd like to ask you
有關一些社交上的問題 比如恐嚇
some questions about social dynamics, intimidation,
威脅之類的事情
threats, et cetera.
您慢尿 不著急
Finish up, no hurry.
你找我有啥事
What is your problem?
我沒有什麼事
Oh, I don't have a problem.
你應該洗一下手
You should probably wash your hands.
我剛才目睹了你與小喬治·庫珀有些爭執
I just witnessed an altercation between you and Georgie Cooper.
爭執
Altercation?
對峙 爭鬥 總而言之
A confrontation, a tussle. Anyway,
我想要搜集一些資料
I'd just like to gather more information
純屬社會學研究用途
for sociological purposes.
我聽說過你 你是那個小天才
Oh, I heard about you, you're that smart kid.
我雖然很想謙虛一下 但是的 正是在下
I'd like to be humble in this moment, but yes, that's me.
謝爾頓·庫珀 恭候大駕
Sheldon Cooper, at your service.
- 所以小喬治是你哥哥 -是的
- So Georgie's your brother? - Correct.
你是想來保護他嗎
And you're trying to protect him?
錯了 我只是好奇他是哪裡引起了你的憤怒
Incorrect. I'm just curious what he did to incur your wrath.
另外 你手洗得很乾淨 很棒
Also, kudos on the hand washing.
你哥就是個小癟三
Your brother's a punk.
我對這詞不太熟悉
I'm not familiar with that terminology.
他想泡我女朋友
He tried to hit on my girlfriend.
有意思 所以他公開追求你的伴侶
Interesting. So he openly pursued your mate,
而你為了維護主權
and to re-assert dominance,
你通過肢體暴力威懾他
you threatened him with physical violence.
老子就是這意思
Hell yeah, I did.
我理解
I understand that.
我也常用智力來威懾別人
I often intimidate people with my intelligence.
我們其中一個人嚇跑了他
Well, one of us scared him.
好了
All right.
下一位 米希·庫珀
Next. Missy Cooper.
我先提醒一下 這面是我上相的那面
Just a heads-up, this is my good side.
好吧
Okay...
你的父母知道你化妝了嗎
Do your parents know you're wearing that makeup?
知道 我媽媽知道
Oh, yeah, my mom knows.
你確定嗎 因為正常來說是不允許的
You sure? Because typically it's not allowed.
你要是不相信 你可以去問她
If you don't believe me, you can ask her.
行 我去給她打個電話
Okay, we're gonna give her a call.
不是吧
Really?
好消息 我剛跟湯米·克拉克森談過了
Good news, I just spoke to Tommy Clarkson.
什麼 你瘋啦
What? Are you crazy?
不瘋 媽帶我去檢查過了
Nope, Mom had me tested.
其實湯米人比你想像中好多了
And Tommy's actually nicer than you think.
我教你別插手了
I told you to stay out of it.
的確 但你沒跟我說過
True, but what you didn't tell me
你對人家女朋友過分親密
was that you were overly chummy with his girlfriend,
這導致了他想踹你的屁屁
which is why he wants to kick your bottom.
我也馬上要踹你的屁屁了
I'm about to kick your bottom.
恕我不同意
I don't think so.
你好啊 湯米
H-Hey, Tommy.
你好嗎
How you doing?
你對他有意見 就是對我有意見
You got a problem with him, you got a problem with me.
我來理一下邏輯
And just to make his logic clear,
你的確對我有意見
you do have a problem with me.
別聽我弟弟說的話 我對任何人都沒意見
Don't listen to my brother, I don't have a problem with anybody.
你得道歉
You need to apologize.
我很對不起
I-I'm very sorry.
對他道歉
To him.
我很對不起 謝爾頓
I'm very sorry, Sheldon.
再見啦 小夥子
Later, kid.
你看 他人很好
See? He's nice.
你都在想什麼呢
What were you even thinking?
我想看起來漂亮
I was thinking I look hot.
你知道你不準化妝
You know you're not allowed to wear makeup.
所以我沒告訴你啊
That's why I didn't tell you.
誰給你的 海瑟一號 還是海瑟二號
And who gave it to you? Heather B.? Heather M.?
姥姥
Meemaw.
所以你姥姥同意你在學校照片上
So your grandmother was okay with you looking like this
看起來是這副樣子
in your school pictures?
你要是不信我 就去問她啊
If you don't believe me, ask her.
我絕對要問
Oh, I'm going to.
不是吧
Really?
他們是原告
These are the plaintiffs,
瓦萊麗與安東尼·錫尼什
Valerie and Anthony Sines.
瓦萊麗表示她當時正與自己的貓斯坎皮
Valerie claims she was sitting on the front steps
坐在自己公寓的前廊
of her condo with her cat Scampi,
就是那時安東尼的狗衝上去弄傷了斯坎皮
and that's when his dog went after Scampi, injuring her.
- 你在看什麼 -你走開
- What are you watching? - Go away.
你在生我氣嗎
Are you angry with me?
我現在不想看到你
I don't want to see your face right now.
沒問題 但我現在想看《質子教授》
Very well, but I'd like to watch Professor Proton.
你聽到我說的話了嗎 走開
Did you hear me? Go away.
那你聽到我說的話了嗎
Well, did you hear me?
我想看《質子教授》
I'd like to watch Professor Proton.
- 怪我咯 -有意思
- Too bad. - Interesting.
不知道我的新朋友湯米·克拉克森
I wonder how my new friend Tommy Clarkson
對此事會有何看法
would feel about this.
他現在不在這裡是吧
Well, he's not here, is he?
他的確是不在
No, he's not.
那看來我只能打個電話給他了
I guess I'll just have to call him.
你不是吧
You're kidding.
準備好轉到《質子教授》的臺了嗎
Are you ready to put on Professor Proton?
我不
No.
行行行
Okay, okay.
謝謝
Thank you.
我沒聽到你說"不客氣"
I didn't hear a "You're welcome."
閉嘴啦
Shut up!
這方面以後再慢慢加強
We'll work on that.
科學的時刻到啦
It's time for science!
你們好啊
Hello.
看起來真像麥當娜啊
Well, don't you look like Madonna?
謝謝
Thank you.
我其實是在畫成你
I was actually trying to look like you.
謝謝
Thank you.
你為什麼不先跟我說就給她化妝品
Why would you give her makeup without talking to me first?
我沒給她化妝品啊
I didn't give her any makeup.
你們其中有一個人在說謊
Well, then, one of you is lying.
- 是她 -是她
- She is. - She is.
是時候說實話了 小妞
Time to come clean little lady.
我才不要幫你擋這一槍
I ain't taking the hit on this one.
我從姥姥的手袋裡拿的化妝品
I took the makeup from Meemaw's bag.
米希 你攤上事兒了
Oh, Missy, you are in a world of trouble.
冷靜 哪是什麼大事
Calm down, it's not that big a deal.
事兒可大了
It is so a big deal!
她偷你東西 還撒謊
She stole from you, and then she lied about it.
我知道 但拜託 她才十歲
I know, but come on, she's only ten.
等她再大一點 她會做更蠢的事情
She's gonna do way stupider stuff when she's older.
肯定會
Guaranteed.
我才不管
I don't care.
她是我女兒 你一定會受懲罰
She is my daughter and you will be punished.
抱歉啦 孩子
Sorry, kid.
真希望我是你的女兒
I wish I was your daughter.
是嗎
Is that so?
那這樣吧
Well, guess what?
你今晚就在這過夜
You're sleeping here tonight
因為我不想看到你們倆任何一個
because I don't feel like being around either one of you.
太好啦
Great!
對啊 太好啦
Yeah, great.
小喬治 當個好人 幫我拿個巧克力飲料
Georgie, be a lamb and get me a Yoo-hoo.
自己拿
Get your own.
你確定你要用這種語氣跟我說話嗎
Hmm. Are you sure you want to speak to me in that tone of voice?
謝爾頓 我快受夠了
Sheldon, I'm getting real tired of this.
那可惜了 我還挺享受呢
That's too bad. I'm enjoying it quite a bit.
還在等我的飲料呢
Still waiting on that Yoo-hoo.
你現在覺得自己是狠角色了是吧
You think you're so tough now,
我發誓 有一天我一定要...
I swear, one day I'm...
怎麼回事
Hey. What's going on?
謝爾頓在耍賤
Sheldon's being a jerk.
是這樣嗎
That true?
我只請他幫我拿了瓶飲料
All I did was ask for a Yoo-hoo.
他沒說他還...
He's leaving out the part where he...
算了
Forget it.
很好 那沒事啦
Great. Done.
小喬治 我不想再重複多說
Georgie, at the risk of repeating myself...
記得拿放後面的 比較涼
And one from the back, so it's cold.
所以你是什麼時候偷我的化妝品的
So when, exactly, did you swipe my makeup?
你在打保齡球的時候
While you were at bowling league.
你沒有我家的鑰匙啊
You don't have a key to this house.
你怎麼進來的
How'd you get in?
不能告訴你
Can't tell you that.
我可能還要用這招
I might need to do it again.
難以置信
Unbelievable.
提醒你一下 不要刷太多腮紅
And for future reference, go lighter on the blush,
否則你會像破爛娃娃安
or you'll end up looking like Raggedy Ann.
她讓破爛娃娃安迪看起來這個樣子
She got Raggedy Andy looking like that.
他是她的兄弟
He's her brother.
那看來我一直玩錯這些娃娃了
I've been playing with those dolls all wrong.
好的 可以了
All right, that'll do it.
媽媽幾歲時 你允許她化妝
How old was Mom when you let her wear makeup?
我不知道 我沒有那方面的規矩
I don't know, I didn't really have rules like that.
瞧 為什麼你這麼酷 而她是個老古板
See? How come you're so cool and she's such a dud?
我可不會說她古板
Well, I wouldn't call her a dud.
你會叫她什麼
What would you call her?
重點是 她並不是一直這樣
Point is, she wasn't always like that.
她以前是什麼樣
What was she like?
她還是少女時 相當叛逆
When she was a teenager, she was just wild.
- 真的嗎 -是的
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
她總是等到我睡著了
She used to wait until I went to sleep
溜出家門
and then she would sneak out
和朋友一起闖禍
and get into trouble with her friends.
- 我媽 -你媽
- My mom? - Your mom.
然後她會爬樹
And then she would climb up the tree
溜回房間
on the side of the house and sneak back in.
厲害
Amazing.
你是這樣進來的嗎
Is that how you're getting in?
我永遠不會告訴你
I will never tell you that.
還好嗎
Everything okay?
我已經厭倦了做壞人
I'm getting tired of being the bad guy around here.
你不是壞人
You're not the bad guy.
孩子們需要規矩
Kids need boundaries.
你說起來容易 只有我去執行規矩
That is easy for you to say. I am the only one doing it,
所以大家都討厭我
and then everyone resents me for it.
不是只有你
Hey, you're not the only one.
今天 小喬治和謝爾頓吵架
Just today, Georgie and Sheldon were fighting,
我搞定了
and I totally took care of it.
是嗎 出什麼事了
Really? What was going on?
他們... 男孩的事
They... you know, boy stuff.
我
I...
別擔心 有我挺你
Don't worry. I got your back.
謝謝你 意義重大
Thank you. That means a lot.
團隊合作 親愛的
Teamwork, babe.
看 就在
Look, right...
這裡
here.
這是我媽嗎
That's my mom?
小小的黑暗女王
Yep, the little queen of darkness.
她在抽菸嗎
Is she smoking a cigarette?
對 可能是偷我的
Yep. Probably stole it from me.
她什麼時候不再這麼酷了
When did she stop being cool?
首先 抽菸並不酷
Well, first of all, smoking is not cool.
- 你抽菸 -對 下次
- You do it. - Yeah, well, next time
我從肺裡咳出黑色粘液時
I'm hocking up some black goo out of my lung,
我可以叫你來看看有多酷
I'll call you over and you can see how cool it is.
- 厲害 -一點也不厲害
- Awesome. - It is not awesome.
至於你媽媽 她的轉變
And as far as your mom, I think things started
是從生你時開始的
to turn around for her when she gave birth to you.
你是說生我和謝爾頓
You mean me and Sheldon.
不 我是說你
No, I mean you.
謝爾頓出生時沒事 但你則不同了
I mean, Sheldon was born fine, but you were a different story.
為什麼
Why?
好吧
Okay.
有那麼一會兒 醫生不知道
Well, there was a point where the doctors didn't know
你能否活下來
if you were gonna make it.
你媽非常害怕 她對上帝發誓
And your mom got so scared, and she made a promise to God
如果你沒事 她會開始讀《聖經》
that if you were okay, that she would start reading the Bible,
去教堂
going to church...
反正就是那些事
you know, that kind of stuff.
我是她成為老古板的原因
So I'm the reason she's a dud?
你應該領悟的是
Your takeaway should be
你是她成為好媽媽的原因 她的確是好媽媽
that you are the reason she's such a good mom, which she is.
你下次傷害她的感情時
And the next time you hurt her feelings--
而你一定會的
which you will--
你最好記得你對她來說有多重要
you might remember how much you mean to her.
現在我內疚了
Now I feel bad.
很好
Good.
我和湯米是朋友的消息
News of my friendship with Tommy
顯然已經傳了
had apparently spread.
以至於 全體學生終於
So much so, the student body was finally
給了我我應得的尊重
treating me with the respect I deserved,
哪怕湯米不在的時候
even when Tommy wasn't around.
這肯定就是卡爾·薩根
This must be how Carl Sagan felt,
知名天文學 天體物理學 科幻作家
走過公共廣播公司走廊的感覺
walking through the halls of PBS.
就像超人在電話亭變裝一樣
Like Superman in a phone booth,
我也總是在體育館儲物櫃裡更衣
I was no stranger to undressing in my gym locker.
但今天不是
But not today.
多虧了湯米 我無人可敵
Thanks to Tommy, I was invincible.
好了 大家快去體育館
All right, get your butts out to the gym.
一分鐘後衝刺跑
Wind sprints in one minute.
拜託 傑森 我快遲到了
Come on, Jason, I'm gonna be late.
可憐的孩子
Poor baby.
打擾一下
Excuse me.
我想問你一些關於
I'd like to ask you some questions
你通過恐嚇來支配他人的問題
about your use of intimidation to dominate others.
你是想被揍嗎
Are you trying to get your ass kicked?
不 我只是想展開一段精彩的對話
No, I was just looking to open a spirited dialogue.
而且你最好放開我
And you might want to unhand me.
我是湯米·克拉克森的朋友
I'm friends with Tommy Clarkson.
是這樣嗎
Is that so?
是的
Yes.
你好 湯米
Hello, Tommy.
我有些不幸的消息
I have some unfortunate news.
- 什麼事 -我向傑森·戴維誇口你是我的朋友
- What's that? - I boasted to Jason Davies that you're my friend,
結果令人意外
and things took an unexpected turn.
你被安排在下午3點和他在籃球場打架
You're scheduled to fight him at 3:00 P.M. on the basketball court.
我不想和傑森·戴維打架
I don't want to fight Jason Davies.
我想你別無選擇 他語氣挺堅定
I don't think you have a choice. He was pretty adamant.
好 我去解決
Fine, I'll deal with it.
你可以選擇不去
You do have the option of simply not showing up.
打架的規矩不是這樣的 謝爾頓
That's not how fights work, Sheldon.
為什麼 要計考勤嗎
Why? Do they take attendance?
你對米希說了什麼
What on Earth did you say to Missy?
- 怎麼了 她又做了什麼 -沒什麼
- Why? What'd she do now? - Nothing,
她乖得像天使
she was an angel.
我送她上學
I dropped her off at school,
她在朋友面前擁抱我
and she hugged me in front of her friends.
- 是嗎 -不只是普通朋友
- Really? - And not just any friends.
海瑟二號在場 這可是大事
Heather M. Was there, and that is a big deal.
我只是給了她一點人生建議
I just gave her a little life advice.
怎麼說
Like what?
沒什麼 只是姥姥說的話
Nothing, just grandma stuff.
又來了 你做好人
There you go again, being the good guy.
瑪麗 你要知道
Mary, you need to know
你把孩子們教育得很好
you're doing a fantastic job with those kids.
你是真心的嗎
You really mean that?
- 是的 -謝謝
- I really do. - Thanks.
我都不記得上次有人說我是好媽媽是什麼時候了
I can't remember the last time someone said I was a good mom.
做母親不是會經常得到表揚的工作
It's not a job that gets a lot of compliments.
看 我媽給我留了字條
Look at this, my mother left me a note.
"你可以做得更好 媽媽留"
"You can do better. Mom."
不是"愛你的媽媽" 不是"擁抱親親 媽媽"
Not "Love, Mom," not "XO, Mom,"
只有"媽媽"
just "Mom."
丹說著關於家人的狗屁時
While Tam prattled on about some family nonsense,
我忍不住想到湯米
I couldn't help but think about Tommy.
下午3點 他將參加一場校園戰役
at 3:00 pm, he was going to engage in a schoolyard battle
這全是我的錯
that was entirely my fault.
我必須想辦法調停 但怎麼做呢
I had to find a way to intervene, but how?
奶油餅乾
Ooh, a Nutter Butter.
也許她真的愛我
Maybe she does love me.
加油 傑森 揍死他
Come on, Jason. Kick his ass.
我沒有能夠幫助湯米打架的身材
I didn't have the physical stature to assist Tommy in a brawl,
但我有更致命的東西
but I did have something far more lethal:
我那劃時代的大腦
my once in a generation brain.
科學教室
打 打 打 打...
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
沒想到你敢來
I didn't think you'd show up.
我來了
Well, I did.
來吧
Let's do this.
住手
Stop!
你不和湯米打 你和我打
You're not fighting Tommy, you're fighting me.
天啊
Oh, boy.
除非你願意握手
Unless you want to shake hands
喝一杯牛奶 大家一笑置之
and we all laugh about this over a glass of milk.
我更願意揍你們兩個
I think I'd rather kick both your asses.
我就擔心你這樣說
I was afraid you'd say that.
你知道《聖經》中
Are you familiar with the story
大衛和哥利亞的故事嗎
of David and Goliath from the Bible?
知道
Yeah.
太遺憾了
That's too bad.
我本來準備了精彩的演講
I had a nice speech prepared.
我還是說吧
I'll say it anyway.
雖然你在體形上有優勢
You may have the size advantage,
但和有投石器的大衛一樣
but like David and his sling,
我也有空基武器
I also possess an air-based weapon.
所以我再給你一次機會
So I'll give you one more chance.
你願意離開嗎
Are you willing to step down?
我跟你說
I'll tell you what:
你先射 然後到我
you take the first shot, then it's my turn.
好的
Very well.
三
Three...
二
...two...
一
...one.
你娘的
Ow! Son of a bitch!
我要跑了
I'm going to run.
傳統智慧告訴我們
Conventional wisdom tells us
當有人起身對抗霸凌者時
that when one stands up to a bully,
霸凌者必然退卻 並尊重你的勇氣
the bully will inevitably back down and respect you for your courage.
我的經歷不是這樣
My experience suggests otherwise.
有人嗎 有人嗎
Hello? Hello?
當傑森最終抓到我時
When Jason finally caught me,
他還算理智 沒有犯下暴力毆打罪
he had the good sense not to commit assault and battery.
但也沒能阻止他
This did not, however, prevent him
把我關在他的儲物櫃裡
from imprisoning me in his locker.
有人嗎
Anybody?
那是漫長的一夜
That was a very long night.
這裡面好臭
It doesn't smell good in here.
非常漫長
Very long.
--
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