Imagine living in a matriarchal society where women make the important decisions, own and pass on land to their daughters and do not practice marriage or monogamy.
That's what Choo Waihong, a corporate lawyer from Singapore, did for six years, off and on, after building a house among the Mosuo ethnic group in Yunnan province.
Most curious tourists spend more time getting to the Mosuo's home around Lugu Lake, a 7 to 9 hour drive from Lijiang, than they spend visiting. But that wasn't enough for Choo. She made it her second home, even becoming the godmother of a young Mosuo girl.
While there have been documentaries and anthropological studies of the Mosuo, no outsider has spent that much time simply being there and observing their lifestyle.
She's written a book, The Kingdom of Women, and spoke recently at The Bookworm in Beijing. Often at the end of these sorts of talk, there's an awkward few moments where no one's brave enough in the audience to ask the first question. Not this time. About 20 hands shot up as Choo wrapped up. Clearly, a lot of people were having trouble imagining a society where the power balance is flipped.
There was, of course, a lot of interest in the concept of the "walking marriage" that Mosuo people practice. Women may invite a man over at night time, but they must walk home by sunrise. The resulting children are raised in the mother's house, while the fathers remain living at home with their own mothers.
Interestingly, many of the questions about this matriarchal culture were about the men. Were they content with their second-rate position? Have they ever rebelled? Did they do the cooking?
No was Choo's answer to all three. Not surprisingly, she hadn't spent too much time worrying about how the men were faring. But from her observations she believes that they were happy enough to be free of responsibilities. They enjoy the benefits of the walking marriage as much as the women and tend to "strut about like peacocks" to attract the attention of the women.
I'm skeptical that anyone, male or female, would be happier with a lower status based on their gender. Hence, women stood up to discrimination and continue to fight for equality. Why the Mosuo men have apparently not done that, despite of a physical advantage, is interesting.
Choo noted obvious benefits for the ruling women like confidence, independence and healthy self-esteem. Qualities that are still often hard fought for in patriarchal societies.
Perhaps more intriguing is not the differences, but similarities between the traditional gender roles in Mosuo culture and patriarchal societies. Women may hold the power, but they still do the majority of cooking and cleaning, while the men are tasked with the physical labor. There is evidence that boys help raise their younger siblings, but women remain the primary carers. Why women still assume the domestic duties even as head of the household is another mystery.
Even with Choo's special insight, she does not pretend to have all the answers. Rather, her account is important because it raises these questions about the Mosuo and, in turn, encourages us to scrutinize and challenge our own way of doing things and society's treatment of men and women.
Contact the writer at rosemary_b@chinadaily.com.cn