Melissa Petro is a freelance writer, wife, and mother living in New York City.
梅麗莎·彼得羅是生活在紐約市的一名自由撰稿人、妻子和母親。
Instead of returning to full-time work after she had a baby, she persuaded her husband to pay her to handle all the childcare, housework, and other familial responsibilities.
生完孩子後她沒有回歸其全職工作，而是說服丈夫付錢給她，以承擔所有的育兒、家務和其他家庭責任打理。
She added up the hours she'd work each week and multiplied that by an hourly wage, subtracting this figure from what she owed the family budget.
她把每周將會工作的時長加起來，再乘以小時工資，然後從她欠家庭預算的費用中減去這個數字。
Still needing a second job to make ends meet, Petro soon grew exhausted by all the responsibilities on her plate, especially as her son got older.
仍然需要第二份工作來維持生計，彼得羅很快就因為要操心的事太多、責任太大而精疲力竭，尤其是隨著兒子一天天長大時。
Later, her husband lost his job, compelling the couple to switch roles entirely.
後來，她丈夫失去了工作，迫使這對夫婦完全進行了角色轉換。
Before I became a mother, my husband and I had an equal partnership: We both worked full time — he as a consultant in digital media, me as a freelance writer — and contributed 50-50 to a family budget. We also did our best to split the household work equally.
在我成為母親之前，我和丈夫有一個平等的夥伴關係：我們都全職工作——他是數字媒體的顧問，我是自由撰稿人——我們為家庭預算平分秋色地貢獻財務力量；我們還盡最大努力將家務勞動也平等分配。
Then I got pregnant and gave birth, and equality went out the window.
接下來我懷孕、生孩子，平等隨即掠過窗外消失無蹤。
Mentally and physically exhausted, breastfeeding around the clock, and overwhelmed by the duties of managing our household, I didn't think I had my former hustle in me. It was also a fact that, even though I was relatively successful at what I did, my yearly income as a freelance writer barely covered the cost of full-time childcare.
身心疲憊、晝夜不停地母乳餵養、不堪重負地努力承擔管理家庭的各種職責，我感覺自己不再有早前那麼幹練賣力。這也是一個事實，即使我在這方面的工作相對成功，我作為自由撰稿人的年收入卻幾乎不能支付一名全職兒童保育員的費用。
And so instead of returning to full-time work after maternity leave, I convinced my husband of an unorthodox arrangement: Rather than hiring a nanny or sending our 4-month-old off to daycare, I told him I'd handle the childcare, along with all the housework and other familial responsibilities. Instead of paying a team of professionals, I reasoned, we'd pay me.
因此，我說服丈夫我不應在產假後回到全職工作：與其僱用保姆或送我們4個月大的孩子去日託，我告訴他我會處理託兒服務，以及所有的家務和其他家庭責任事務。我進行了推理，我們不該付錢給一個專業人員團隊，我們付錢給我。
I added up the hours I'd work each week and multiplied that by an hourly wage. I then divided that number in half — after all, childcare was as much my expense as it was my husband's — and subtracted this figure from what I owed the family budget. Though he worried I'd resent him for having to give up my career, he could see that my mind was made up, and so he agreed.
我把每周工作時間加起來，再乘以小時工資。然後，我把這個數字分成兩半——畢竟，照顧孩子職責我的開支和我丈夫的應一樣多——然後從我欠家庭預算中減去這個數字。雖然他擔心我會因不得不放棄事業而恨他，但他看得出我已下定決心，所以同意了。
We were both trying to do what was best for our family and our marriage. In retrospect, I was naive and not thinking clearly. While it wasn't a terrible idea, the issue of equality in marriage is complex. Here's what I learned.
我們都在努力做對家庭和婚姻最美好的事。回想起來，我真天真，也根本沒有想清楚。雖然這不是一個可怕的想法，但婚姻平等的問題很複雜。這以下是我從中所學。
Motherhood is hard work. Don't sell yourself short. 為人母是艱苦的工作。不要自貶身價。According to Salary.com, if a stay-at-home mom charged what she was actually worth, she'd make upwards of $162,000 a year.
據Salary.com，如果一個家庭主婦收取她該收的實際價值，她每年將可掙162，000美元。
In my case, I calculated my hourly rate for my work as a mother at just $15 an hour, what the closest daycare would have cost. After doing the math, there was a difference of about $1,200 to be made up. I also had to continue paying for my own personal expenses — coffees out, getting my hair done, gifts, things like this.
就我而言，我計算我作為母親工作的小時工資，每小時只有15美元，這是最近的日託費用。算完數學後，需要彌補大約1200美元的差額。我還不得不繼續支付自己的個人開支——喝咖啡、理髮、禮物等等。
In other words, I'd need a second job just to make ends meet.
換句話說，我需要第二份工作來維持收支平衡。
At the time, I saw this as a plus: I wasn't giving up my career entirely, I thought, and I assumed I could complete freelance writing assignments while the infant napped. In retrospect, I should've charged my husband more.
當時，我把這看作是一個好處：我想，我並沒有完全放棄我的事業，我以為我可以在嬰兒打盹的時候完成自由撰稿工作任務。回想起來，我應該對我丈夫收更多的費用。
As a first-time mother, I overestimated what I'd be able to accomplish in an eight-hour day.
作為一個初為人母的母親，我高估了每天八小時我能完成的任務。
After feedings, diaper changes, and playdates — not to mention dishes, loads of laundry, and picking up toys — there was no time to shower, let alone work a second job. Finding assignments wasn't a problem, but completing them was another story entirely. Full-time parenting became even more unmanageable after my baby started dropping naps and became more mobile.
餵食、換尿布和玩樂後（更不用說還有洗盤子、洗衣和撿玩具）根本就沒有時間洗澡了，更別提做第二份工作。找到工作任務不是問題，但完成這些任務完全是另外一回事。在孩子開始不再午睡、且更好動時，全職育兒開始更加難以打理。
And yet because we'd agreed it was all part of my job, undone housework at the end of the workday remained my responsibility. Sure, my husband helped with the baby when he came home from the office — but even then, he was only "helping." After all, I was getting paid.
然而，由於我們早已同意這一切都是我工作的一部分，在工作日結束時完成家務仍然是我的責任。當然，我丈夫下班回家時幫忙照顧孩子——但即便如此，他只是「幫忙」。畢竟，我在得到報酬。
A disconcerting but not uncommon dynamic had emerged: As my confidence as a parent grew, my husband's waned. He became increasingly deferential, stepping down to let me take the lead. It wasn't that I was naturally better at folding laundry, fixing snacks, or taming tantrums — I just did these things more often until, eventually, I was doing them all the time, even when Arran was home.
一個令人不安的、但並不罕見的動態已經出現：隨著我為人母的信心增長，我丈夫為人父的信心卻在衰落。他變得越來越恭敬、退讓家事讓我起引領作用。倒不是我天生更擅長疊衣物、做零食或哄孩子——我只是做這些事情做得更多，直到，最後，我所有的時間都在做這些事，即使阿蘭在家時也是。
I was working 24/7 — and I was exhausted.
我每天24/7工作，累到油盡燈枯之感。
Renegotiate as necessary 根據需要重新協商Parental burnout, experts say, is a result of an imbalance between demands and rewards, and it shares many of the same traits as professional burnout: high levels of exhaustion, feelings of inadequacy, and emotional detachment.
專家說，父母的育兒倦怠是需求與獎勵之間不平衡的結果，它與職業倦怠有許多相同的特徵：高度的疲憊、不足的情感和情緒的分離。
Had my husband been paying me more — and had the terms of my responsibilities been more clearly defined from the start and controlled as our infant grew into toddlerhood — I might've felt differently about life as a stay-at-home mom. As it was, I felt incompetent and unfulfilled, exhausted and resentful.
我丈夫當時要是付給我更多的錢，而且我的責任條款要是從一開始就得到了更明確的界定、並能隨著嬰兒長大而得到控制的話，我可能會以不同的方式看待作為一個家庭主婦的生活。事實上，我感到自己無能、沒有成就感，精疲力竭、充滿怨恨。
After about a year of full-time parenting, I hit my breaking point. I knew something had to give the day I found myself sobbing in the bathtub, fully dressed, having lost my phone (again) after inadvertently deleting an assignment I'd spent all afternoon working on after Oscar had woken up early from his nap.
經過大約一年的全職育兒後，我終於到了爆發臨界點。那天我發現自己在浴缸裡抽泣、衣衫未褪，這是因為先前在無意中刪除了一個活，那是我兒子奧斯卡午睡醒來後我花了整下午工作的活，然後我的手機（再次）丟了，我知道必須要有所取捨了。
Thankfully, when my husband saw me struggling, he began paying more of the joint family expenses (essentially giving me a raise). He also took on more of the childcare and household responsibilities without my having to ask. And I hired an assistant. For a not-insignificant fraction of my earnings, a mother's helper took my toddler off my hands for three glorious hours a day.
謝天謝地，當我丈夫看到我艱難掙扎時，他開始支付更多的共同家庭開支（實質上相當於給我加薪）。他還不用等我去求他就主動承擔起了更多的育兒事務和家庭責任。我也僱了個助手。付了佔我收入相當不菲比例的薪水後，一位保姆每天把孩子從我手上抱下來，可以讓我有寶貴的三個小時可以休息。
With reliable support, a situation like this would probably be sustainable.
有了可靠的支持，這種情況可能終可持續了。
A valuable lesson 寶貴的一課In our case, then something interesting happened: My husband lost his job, compelling us to switch roles entirely. He took over household responsibilities, including childcare, while I worked full time.
在我們的情況中，有趣的事情發生了：我丈夫失去了工作，這是迫使我們完全轉換了角色。他接管了家庭責任，包括照顧孩子，而我開始全職工作。
It was a blessing in disguise. I realized how much I missed my former career. I also discovered that my earning potential had nearly doubled — thanks in no small part to the time-management and multitasking skills I'd sharpened during my tenure as a stay-at-home mom.
塞翁失馬焉知非福。我這才意識到自己是多麼想念以前的事業。我還發現，我的收入潛力幾乎翻了一番——這在很大程度上要歸功於我在做家庭主婦期間磨練的時間管理和多任務管理技能。
Meanwhile, my husband realized exactly how hard I'd had it for the past year. More than once, I came home from a rewarding day at my office — aka the coffee shop down the street, where I typically set up shop — to find my normally even-tempered husband in tears, overwhelmed and frustrated by the tasks expected of him.
與此同時，我丈夫也意識到我在過去的一年裡是多麼的不容易。不止一次，我從辦公室（又名街邊的咖啡店）充滿成就感地回家，發現我平時脾氣暴躁的丈夫淚流滿面、對自己被期望完成的任務不知所措和深感沮喪。
In the end, my family learned a valuable lesson: Taking care of a toddler for 12-plus hours a day is work, harder work than my husband and I ever imagined. And so just as soon as my husband found a new job, we decided to leave it to the professionals. At nearly 2 years old, Oscar will start full-time daycare this fall.
最後，我的家人學到了寶貴的一課：每天照顧一個蹣跚學步的孩子超過12個小時是工作，是比我的丈夫和我曾經想像的要辛苦得多的工作。所以，就在我丈夫找到新工作後，我們決定把這份工作留給專業人士。今年秋天在奧斯卡將近2歲時，他將開始全職日託。
Melissa Petro is a freelance writer living in New York.