【老外說】為什麼英國年輕人中選擇結婚的越來越少?

2021-03-01 TeacherGwen

After a while in England, we stop saying boyfriend, we say partner, especially when we live together. You can't really call them a boyfriend anymore. You just say they’re my partner.

When you're dating out, you basically call each other boyfriend, girlfriend. But when you get yourself into another phase, like, well, we have made a commitment to each other that we're getting married and we're going to have a life together in the future. At that phase, you call each other partner. Right? 

Yeah, so as soon as you move in together, basically you're partners because in England not many people get married anymore. They've been together, they have a family together, they just don't get married. So you don't call them boyfriend and girlfriend. You call them partners.

So you mentioned that in England now or in London in particular that fewer and fewer people are getting married nowadays. So how come? 

Yes. I don't know. I've just read it actually in the newspapers the other day and I because marriages don't last long in England. If you see the divorce rate, it's actually very high because people in England get married so young without actually experiencing life by themselves and then they just have a divorce. And to get married is expensive, as I presume you know, but to get a divorce, it’s even more expensive, especially if the two, if the couple do not agree with what the other person is saying. So then they have to constantly go to court.

Well, to go to court, it’s around six hundred pounds the one time you go and that takes time as well. And even if your solicitor (訴狀律師) send an email to the other party, that's also money. So, just too expensive, which is why the British government is changing the laws regarding marriage. So now even if you're just a partner and you've lived with them for a certain amount of time, you can basically have the same rights as a marriage couple when it comes to finishing the relationship.

So in a way, your relationship is also protected by the government. So it's quite the same with having a marriage life. 

Well, yeah. Let's be honest it's just basically a certificate that says that you are married and a ring on your finger. If you really think about it, there's not much of a difference. And a lot of couples of, it was in the news as well, they said how unfair it is. Because why should a marriage woman have more rights than someone that has lived longer with their partner than a marriage woman?

Because a married woman, after one year, I think, or six months and start claiming from her husband if they divorce. Whereas if you're in a partner with a partner and you've lived like ten years together, they don't have the same rights. So it's quite unfair. 

I personally like it, because I’m half Greek. I've been born and raised to…you need to get married before you have kids, that sort of thing. So I personally would like to get married. Yes. You can imagine my father doesn't really like my partner because he is married still, you know how fathers are, very over protective over the little girls. And in England, the law always favors the woman when it comes to children. And you have to prove that they killed someone or that they're on drugs or that they hit the kids, you know like very extreme stuff. 

But we have applied just to see her on a regular basis. We haven't applied to have her like all the time, she would still live with her mother. But unfortunately because my partner with his ex, they don't get along. And his ex uses the little girl as a weapon. So if he's not good to her, she doesn't let him see the little girl, which is unfair for the little girl. So I told him, look, the little girl needs both her mom and her dad in her life. So let's do this properly. We're gonna go to court to apply this legally. So now all we』ve wanted was to have her every second weekend for the night. So we'll pick her up on a Saturday and dropped her off on a Sunday. 

So it's not like we're asking much because of his working commitments. He works a lot of hours in a lot of days, he can't ask for more than that right now. They don't really care what I do, let's be honest, because I’m not the mother. I'm just like the stepmother. I'm just a helper in their eyes. They don't really want to know my availability. They just want to know what can the father of the kids do. And we'll do that. So he hasn't actually ask for that many days. If you think about it, it’s only two days, one night, every two weeks. He does want more, of course, but he forgets that unfortunately due to his work, he can't actually do that. He's always gonna be a baby in my eyes. 

Why is this divorce long? They don't get along, right? And they decided to divorce. And that's it. Why does it take so long? You have to wait for the court till the next step, and how long would that take?

Ok, so I’m not entirely sure on specific details, but from what I know, basically, because my partner is Chinese, he's from Hong Kong. When he was…he got married to his ex-partner because they loved each other so much back so many years ago, and his visa was about to expire. So she told him, look, let's get married, because I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I don't want you to go back to Hong Kong. 

So he said, look, we'll get married, but not because of the visa. So they got married after three years. The little girl was born as soon as she was born, things didn't really go good between them. And I think after when she was one, then things got very, very bad. And as soon as she was two, two and a half, they knew, both of them together, that they had to split up. 

And he accused her of verbal violence. She accused him of physical violence, and because his visa was about to come again, when their divorce applied the first time, when she, his ex applied for the divorce, they had to wait because the court had to decide whether he could stay in England or not before deciding on anything else.

So in his case, it’s taken extra long because she, his ex, didn't sign the paper to say that they were five years married. So he had to go wait longer for the court to say yes, I』ve been here with her for five years and yes, I want a visa. Look, I’m working, I’m employed and I’m a father, you know, all that stuff. 

And it was quite hard because they couldn’t see each other as well. There was a court order that you couldn’t see each other or be close to each other. So he didn't see his daughter for a few months as well, which made him quite upset. And that's when…I met him then, when he stopped seeing his little girl and ever since then he got the first official paper of divorce.

 And then after a while, we started the financial one, which is going to be sent this week to court. It should be sent today or Monday. And last week we started the procedures for the little girl, because you have to first do the financial and then do those for the children. And then you can apply for the second paper of divorce. And in England, it just takes so long. The constantly closed the courts because they want to save money. So all the cases keep going to one court. So it takes longer. It’s a longer process. So yeah, unfortunately.

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