希拉蕊·柯林頓的新書今天出版了
Hillary Clinton's new book came out today.
它叫做《發生了什麼》
It is called What Happened.
這不是開玩笑
That's not a joke.
這本書真的叫這個名字
That's what it is called.
這就是希拉蕊失敗的原因
This is why Hillary lost.
真正的總統並不寫書
A real president doesn't write books.
他寫推特
They write tweets.
根據亞馬遜上關於這本書的描述
According to the description of the book on Amazon,
這本書看起來更糟，所以習慣就好
it's going on get worse than that, so settle in.
他們說這是她最私人的回憶錄
They say this is her most personal memoir yet
只有希拉蕊·柯林頓必須指定她的回憶錄是私人的
only Hillary Clinton would have to specify that her memoir is personal.
這是一本回憶錄
It's a memoir.
這本書有512頁
The book is 512 pages long.
這是成年人版本
That's the adult version.
她還出了一本兒童版
She also put out a version for kids.
一本童話書
A children's book.
就是這個，你們想讓我讀一下嗎？
This is it. Would you like me to read it?
它叫做《小熊維尼》
It is call Losie the Pooh.
能來點音樂嗎？
Can I get some music or something?
很久以前
Once upon a time, not too long ago,
確切地說是11月9日
November 9, to be precise.
小豬跳著穿過樹林
Piglet was skipping through woods
偶然遇到了他的朋友小熊維尼
when he happened upon his friend, Losie the Pooh
正吃著一大罐她的「感情」
eating a giant jar of her feelings.
「怎麼了？維尼」
"What's wrong, Losie?"
小豬問道
asked the clearly-uniformed Piglet.
怎麼了？
"What's wrong?
我本應該是第一個維尼熊總統
I was supposed to be the first Pooh president.
從我還是個幼崽的時候，我就一直在為此做準備
I had been preparing for this since I was a cub.
所有的民意調查都說我贏了
All the polls had me winning."
「那你是怎麼輸的？」小豬問道
"So how did you lose?" questioned Piglet.
我在辯論中準備得更好
"Well, I was better prepared in the debates,
作為國務卿，我有多年的外交政策經驗
I had years of foreign policy experience as secretary of state,
我以壓倒性的優勢贏得了普選
and I won the popular vote in a landslide."
「我糊塗了，」小豬說，「這聽起來不錯啊」
"I'm lost," said Piglet. "That sounds great."
是的，但是我從來沒有主持過一個真人秀
"Yes, but I never hosted a reality show,
或者把我的名字寫在伏特加上
or put my name on vodka,
或者用大臭鼠抓住一個長鼻象
or grabbed a Heffalump by the Woozle.
」或者去威斯康星州！」小豬補充說
"Or visited Wisconsin!" added Piglet.
小熊維尼長嘆了一口氣
Losie the Pooh let out a big sigh
然後凝視遠方
and stared into the distance.
「好吧，至少我再也不用和那個大嗓門的橙色瘋子打交道了」
"Well, at least I'll never have to deal with that loud orange lunatic ever again,"
小熊維尼喃喃自語
muttered Losie.
突然，小熊維尼聽到了不知從哪來的大吼聲
Suddenly out of nowhere, Losie heard a loud noise.
那是大嗓門的橙色瘋子！
It was a loud orange lunatic!
「噢，不！」小豬呻吟道
"Oh, no" moaned Piglet.
「呼呼呼呼！
"Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo!
我要讓美國再次成為偉大的國家
I'm gonna make America so great again,
這將是荒謬的！」
it'll be ridickerus!"
「屹耳驢將為此付出代價！」跳跳虎喊道
"And Eeyore is going to pay for it!" shouted Tigger
結束
The end.