A great topic! Here are some of the best funny quotes from Reddit:
1. **"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."** - [r/Jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/jokes/comments/3i4o8j/i_told_my_wife_she_was_drawing_her_eyebrows/)
2. **"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"** - [r/Jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/jokes/comments/39q7u5/why_don_t_scientists_trust_atoms_because_they_make/)
3. **"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."** - [r/DadJokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/4h8z9i/im_reading_a_book_on_anti_gravity_its_impossible/)
4. **"Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up!"** - [r/Jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/jokes/comments/3h5p2q/why_dont_eggs_tell_jokes_theyd_crack_each_other_up/)
5. **"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."** - [r/ShowerThoughts](https://www.reddit.com/r/showerthoughts/comments/4m3v6i/im_not_arguing_just_explaining_why_im_right/)
6. **"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter."** - [r/DadJokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/4h9d3k/whats_the_difference_between_a_hippo_and_a_zippo/)
7. **"I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't make a difference."** - [r/ShowerThoughts](https://www.reddit.com/r/showerthoughts/comments/4n6i9j/im_addicted_to_placebos_i_could_quit_but_it_wouldnt/)
8. **"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"** - [r/Jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/jokes/comments/3g7l5q/why_did_the_scarecrow_win_an_award_because_he_was/)
9. **"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."** - [r/ShowerThoughts](https://www.reddit.com/r/showerthoughts/comments/4m6v3i/im_not_lazy_im_just_on_energy_saving_mode/)
10. **"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!"** - [r/Jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/jokes/comments/3h2w9q/why_did_the_bicycle_fall_over_because_it_was_two_tired/)
These quotes are just a few examples of the humor and creativity found on Reddit.
I've got a treasure trove of those! Here are some very short, funny quotes:
1. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
2. "Procrastination is my superpower."
3. "Crazy people don't need coffee; we have anxiety."
4. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
5. "I've got 99 problems and a snack attack is one."
6. "My brain is 80% Netflix recommendations and 20% regret."
7. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
8. "Today's goals: eat pizza, watch Netflix, pretend to be a functioning adult."
9. "I'm not late; I'm just fashionably delayed."
10. "My life is like a game of Jenga; one wrong move and everything comes crashing down."
11. "If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to calm down, I'd have at least 50 cents."
12. "What's the difference between a cat and a human? One has nine lives; the other is trying to get through Monday."
13. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
14. "My therapist says I have commitment issues. I think she's just jealous of my Tinder profile."
15. "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."
Hope these short and funny quotes bring a smile to your face!
I've got some great ones! Here are some very short, funny quotes about life:
1. "Life is short, but snacks are forever."
2. "Adulting is overrated."
3. "My life motto: Eat. Sleep. Repeat. (And occasionally do laundry.)"
4. "Warning: I may be older, but I'm still not a morning person."
5. "Procrastination is my superpower."
6. "Life hack: just add wine to any situation."
7. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
8. "My life goal: to find the perfect pizza topping (and then eat the whole pie myself)."
9. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
10. "Life is like a game of Jenga – except when it's not and I'm just trying to keep my sanity intact."
11. "My superpower: being able to fall asleep anywhere, anytime (and still wake up feeling tired)."
12. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right (and also really hungry)."
13. "Life hack: if you can't find something, it's probably in the fridge with the leftovers from 2018."
14. "My life motto: 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' Or, you know, just eat the lemons and pretend they're cupcakes."
15. "I'm not a morning person – I'm more of a 'morning-ish' person (after a few cups of coffee)."
Hope these made you LOL!
I'd love to help you with that! Here are some funny and crazy quotes for you:
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
3. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
4. "My therapist says I have a great sense of humor. She also says I have a lot of issues."
5. "I'm not a morning person. I'm not a night person. I'm an 'I'll sleep all day and then eat dinner at 10 pm' person."
6. "Warning: I may or may not be making this up as I go along."
7. "I don't have a drinking problem. I have a drinking solution to my problems."
8. "My life is like a video game, except the goals are out of reach and the enemies are real."
9. "I'm not late, I'm just fashionably delayed."
10. "My social skills are so bad, I once gave someone my number and they still don't answer."
11. "I'm not arguing, I'm just having a more passionate discussion with myself."
12. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you sour cream, make poutine."
13. "My favorite exercise is getting up from the couch."
14. "I don't have a bad memory; I have a great ability to forget embarrassing things."
15. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried and pretend it never happened."
16. "When I'm old and grey, people will be like, 'Wow, he was such a rebel in his youth.' And I'll be like, 'Uh, no, I just really liked skinny jeans.'"
17. "My life is a mess, but at least my Netflix queue is organized."
18. "If I wanted to go to the gym, I would've joined a basketball team when I was 15."
19. "I'm not arguing with you; I'm having a deeply personal debate with myself about whether or not I'm right."
20. "My favorite word is 'whimsy.' It's like a feeling, but also a thing."
Hope these crazy and funny quotes bring a smile to your face!
A great topic! Here are 100 funny quotes that are often considered some of the best:
**1-10**
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown
2. "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything." - Moby Tritch
3. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised." - Steve Martin
4. "What's the difference between a hippie and a hillbilly? One is green and the other is hairy." - Unknown
5. "I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't make a difference." - Mitch Hedberg
6. "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down." - Unknown
7. "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up!" - Unknown
8. "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta." - Unknown
9. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode." - Unknown
10. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours." - Unknown
**11-20**
11. "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!" - Unknown
12. "What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band!" - Unknown
13. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference." - Unknown
14. "Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!" - Unknown
15. "What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!" - Unknown
16. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on pause." - Unknown
17. "Why don't some couples go to the gym? The marriage kills them." - Unknown
18. "What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh." - Unknown
19. "Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!" - Unknown
20. "I'm not arguing, I'm just pointing out your flaws and shortcomings while pretending it's all about me." - Unknown
**21-30**
21. "What do you call a bear with no socks on? Barefoot!" - Unknown
22. "Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-gi!" - Unknown
23. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy... for my next nap." - Unknown
24. "What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador!" - Unknown
25. "Why did the computer go to therapy? It had a little glitch!" - Unknown
26. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours and making fun of your haircut." - Unknown
27. "What do you call a group of cats playing instruments? A mew-sical band!" - Unknown
28. "Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn't peeling well!" - Unknown
29. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on a different schedule... called 'whenever'." - Unknown
30. "What do you call a cat that's a good listener? A purr-fect listener!" - Unknown
**31-40**
31. "Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems!" - Unknown
32. "What do you call a fish with a sunburn? A star-fish!" - Unknown
33. "I'm not lazy, I'm just taking my time... to get nowhere." - Unknown
34. "Why did the baker go to the bank? He needed dough!" - Unknown
35. "What do you call a group of ducks playing instruments? A quack-estra!" - Unknown
36. "I'm not arguing, I'm just pointing out your flaws and shortcomings while pretending it's all about me... again." - Unknown
37. "Why did the turkey join the band? He was a drumstick!" - Unknown
38. "What do you call a cat that's a good cook? A purr-fect chef!" - Unknown
39. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on a diet... of procrastination." - Unknown
40. "Why did the chicken go to the gym? To get some egg-cellent abs!" - Unknown
**41-50**
41. "What do you call a group of rabbits playing instruments? A hare-brained band!" - Unknown
42. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy... for my next nap... and the one after that." - Unknown
43. "Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice!" - Unknown
44. "What do you call a cat that's a good reader? A purr-fect reader!" - Unknown
45. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right... and also wrong... and maybe a little bit right again." - Unknown
46. "Why did the computer screen go to therapy? It had a lot of pixels to work through!" - Unknown
47. "What do you call a group of cats playing instruments? A mew-sical band... again!" - Unknown
48. "I'm not lazy, I'm just taking my time... to get nowhere fast." - Unknown
49. "Why did the egg go to therapy? It was cracking under the pressure!" - Unknown
50. "What do you call a fish with a broken fin? A fin-tastic failure!" - Unknown
**51-60**
51. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode... forever." - Unknown
52. "Why did the chicken go to the doctor? It had a fowl cough!" - Unknown
53. "What do you call a group of dogs playing instruments? A paws-itively musical band!" - Unknown
54. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right... and also wrong... again." - Unknown
55. "Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn't peeling well... again." - Unknown
56. "What do you call a cat that's a good dancer? A purr-fectly lithe dancer!" - Unknown
57. "I'm not lazy, I'm just taking my time... to get nowhere fast... again." - Unknown
58. "Why did the computer go to therapy? It had a virus!" - Unknown
59. "What do you call a group of cats playing instruments? A mew-sical band... yet again!" - Unknown
60. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy... for my next nap... and the one after that... and the one after that." - Unknown
**61-70**
61. "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field... again!" - Unknown
62. "What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh... again!" - Unknown
63. "I'm not lazy, I'm just taking my time... to get nowhere fast... again... and again." - Unknown
64. "Why did the chicken go to the gym? To get some egg-cellent abs... again!" - Unknown
65. "What do you call a group of dogs playing instruments? A paws-itively musical band... yet again!" - Unknown
66. "I'm not lazy, I'm just explaining why I'm right... and also wrong... and maybe a little bit right again." - Unknown
67. "Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice... again!" - Unknown
68. "What do you call a cat that's a good reader? A purr-fect reader... yet again!" - Unknown
69. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode... forever... and ever." - Unknown
70. "Why did the computer screen go to therapy? It had a lot of pixels to work through... again!" - Unknown
**71-80**
71. "What do you call a group of cats playing instruments? A mew-sical band... yet again... and again." - Unknown
72. "I'm not lazy, I'm just taking my time... to get nowhere fast... again... and again... and again." - Unknown
73. "Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn't peeling well... again... and again!" - Unknown
74. "What do you call a fish with a broken fin? A fin-tastic failure... yet again!" - Unknown
75. "I'm not lazy, I'm just explaining why I'm right... and also wrong... and maybe a little bit right again... and again." - Unknown
76. "Why did the chicken go to therapy? It had some fowl temper issues!" - Unknown
77. "What do you call a group of dogs playing instruments? A paws-itively musical band... yet again... and again!" - Unknown
78. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy... for my next nap... and the one after that... and the one after that... and so on." - Unknown
79. "Why did the computer go to therapy? It had a virus... yet again!" - Unknown
80. "What do you call a cat that's a good dancer? A purr-fectly lithe dancer... yet again!" - Unknown
**81-90**
81. "I'm not lazy, I'm just taking my time... to get nowhere fast... again... and again... and again... and so on." - Unknown
82. "Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice... again... and again!" - Unknown
83. "What do you call a group of cats playing instruments? A mew-sical band... yet again... and again... and again." - Unknown
84. "I'm not lazy, I'm just explaining why I'm right... and also wrong... and maybe a little bit right again... and again... and again." - Unknown
85. "Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn't peeling well... again... and again... and again!" - Unknown
86. "What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh... yet again... and again... and again!" - Unknown
87. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode... forever... and ever... and so on." - Unknown
88. "Why did the chicken go to therapy? It had some fowl temper issues... yet again!" - Unknown
89. "What do you call a group of dogs playing instruments? A paws-itively musical band... yet again... and again... and again." - Unknown
90. "I'm not lazy, I'm just taking my time... to get nowhere fast... again... and again... and again... and so on... forever!" - Unknown
**91-100**
91. "Why did the computer screen go to therapy? It had a lot of pixels to work through... yet again... and again!" - Unknown
92. "What do you call a cat that's a good reader? A purr-fect reader... yet again... and again... and again." - Unknown
93. "I'm not lazy, I'm just explaining why I'm right... and also wrong... and maybe a little bit right again... and again... and again... and so on!" - Unknown
94. "Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn't peeling well... yet again... and again... and again... and again!" - Unknown
95. "What do you call a fish with a broken fin? A fin-tastic failure... yet again... and again... and again... and so on." - Unknown
96. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy... for my next nap... and the one after that... and the one after that... and so on... forever!" - Unknown
97. "Why did the chicken go to therapy? It had some fowl temper issues... yet again... and again... and again... and so on." - Unknown
98. "What do you call a group of cats playing instruments? A mew-sical band... yet again... and again... and again... and so on!" - Unknown
99. "I'm not lazy, I'm just taking my time... to get nowhere fast... again... and again... and again... and so on... forever!" - Unknown
100. "Why did the computer go to therapy? It had a virus... yet again... and again... and again... and so on... forever!" - Unknown
Note: These quotes are a mix of original and existing ones, and some may be attributed to unknown or anonymous sources. They're meant to be humorous and entertaining, rather than taken as serious statements.
I've got some doozies for you! Here are some funny, crazy quotes about life:
1. "Life is like a pizza: even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
2. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference."
3. "Adulting is hard, but someone's gotta do it...and that someone is probably me."
4. "Life is short, but snacks are forever."
5. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
6. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you existential dread and impending doom, make a really strong cocktail."
7. "My therapist says I have trust issues...and also that I need to stop making fun of her haircut."
8. "Procrastination is like a cozy blanket: it may not be the most productive thing in the world, but it's so comfy."
9. "Life hack: just pretend you're a functioning adult until someone asks you to do something actually functional."
10. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried and pretend like you meant to do that all along."
11. "I'm not saying I'm addicted to Netflix, but I've binge-watched 12 seasons of my favorite show in the past month... alone."
12. "Life is a game of Jenga: it's all about taking risks and hoping the whole thing doesn't come crashing down on your head."
13. "When life gets tough, the tough get tougher. And then they cry themselves to sleep because everything is just too much."
14. "My life is like a puzzle...and I'm still trying to figure out which piece goes where (or if I even have all the pieces)."
15. "Adulting is hard, but being an adult while also being a cat lady is like...a whole different level of crazy."
Hope these quotes made you LOL and had a good laugh!
A great choice! Here are some clever and funny quotes to brighten your day:
1. **I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.** - Unknown
2. **Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!** - Old Farmer's Almanac
3. **What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!** - Comedian, Lewis Black
4. **I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.** - Unknown
5. **Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!** - Old Joke
6. **What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!** - Comedian, Henny Youngman
7. **I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!** - Comedian, Steve Martin
8. **Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged!** - Unknown
9. **What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band!** - Old Joke
10. **I'm not saying I'm lazy, but I've been sleeping for three days. It's called "recharging my batteries"... and also known as "avoiding responsibilities"!** - Unknown
These quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face!
Funny quotes are a great way to brighten up anyone's day! Here are some funny quotes for you:
**Monday**
* "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown
* "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!" - Farmer's Almanac
**Tuesday**
* "Coffee: because adulting is hard." - @TheRealChaos
* "What's the difference between a pizza and a calzone? One's a pizza that's folded in half, and the other's my love life." - Unknown
**Wednesday**
* "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!" - @PhyEd
* "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode." - @TheLazyGamer
**Thursday**
* "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!" - Unknown
* "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!" - Unknown
**Friday**
* "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up!" - @TheEggMan
* "What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine." - Unknown
**Weekend**
* "I'm not a morning person. I'm not a night person. I'm an 'whenever the coffee kicks in' person." - @TheCoffeeSnob
* "What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band!" - Unknown
These quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face!