I've got a collection of short, funny, and insightful life advice quotes for you:
1. **"Life is like a video game: pause, rewind, or restart whenever you want."** - Unknown
2. **"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going."** - Sam Levenson
3. **"The best way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."** - Walt Disney
4. **"Life is 10% what happens, 90% how you react."** - Charles R. Swindoll
5. **"Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive."** - Unknown
6. **"The best advice I can give you is: don't give any advice."** - Unknown
7. **"Life is like a piano; what you get depends on how you play it."** - Unknown
8. **"Don't worry if people think you're crazy. That's what makes the mad scientists so brilliant!"** - Unknown
9. **"The most important thing in life will be found when you least expect it, and usually costs an arm and a leg."** - Unknown
10. **"Life is like riding a bicycle: to maintain your balance, you must keep moving."** - Albert Einstein
11. **"Don't make decisions based on what you think others want. Make them based on what you want."** - Unknown
12. **"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – and also traffic, spiders, and clowns."** - Unknown (a playful twist on FDR's famous quote)
13. **"Life is short, but snacks are forever."** - Unknown
14. **"Don't be afraid to take risks. After all, that's what makes life worth living – and occasionally regrettable."** - Unknown
15. **"The most effective way to do it, is to do it."** - Amelia Earhart
These quotes are meant to be humorous and light-hearted, while still conveying valuable life lessons. Remember, laughter can be the best medicine, right?
Here are some very short, funny quotes:
1. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
2. "Cats are like potato chips, you can't have just one."
3. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
4. "Procrastination is my superpower."
5. "I'm not a morning person, I'm not an afternoon person, and I'm definitely not an evening person."
6. "If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence that you tried."
7. "My life is like a puzzle, except the pieces are all broken and it's never going to fit together."
8. "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."
9. "What's the difference between a pizza and a calzone? One of them is not a lie."
10. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you ate the whole pizza by yourself... yet."
11. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
12. "Warning: I may contain nuts. Or cats. Or both. It's complicated."
13. "My cat is so lazy, she makes me look like a hyperactive hummingbird."
14. "If you can't be good, be bad to the bone."
15. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving my energy... for all the things I'll do tomorrow."
These are short, funny quotes that can add some humor and wit to your day!
Here are some very short, funny quotes about life:
1. "Life is like a pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
2. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
3. "Procrastination: the art of doing nothing efficiently."
4. "Warning: adulting may cause exhaustion, frustration, and occasional moments of joy."
5. "My life is like a video game, except instead of levels, it's just more debt."
6. "The best way to get over someone is to pretend you're okay with them being in a worse movie than the one you were in."
7. "Life hack: just assume everything is going to go wrong and you'll be pleasantly surprised."
8. "My anxiety is like a pesky little roommate who won't leave, except it's louder and more expensive."
9. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode... until the Wi-Fi is strong enough."
10. "Life is short, but the lines at the grocery store are long."
11. "Adulting: when you realize you're paying taxes to fund someone else's Netflix habit."
12. "The only thing more exhausting than adulting is trying to be a functioning adult while still in your pajamas."
13. "My life is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, except I keep choosing the wrong path and ending up in debt."
14. "Procrastination: when you're so excited about tomorrow that today just gets left behind."
15. "Life hack: put everything on hold until the weekend, then wonder why it's Monday again."
I hope these quotes bring a smile to your face!
I'd be happy to share some funny and crazy quotes with you! Here are a few:
1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode." - Unknown
3. "Why do people say that grade school kids don't know the meaning of the word 'love'? Do they not have pet hamsters?" - Mitch Hedberg
4. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised." - Steve Martin
5. "I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't make a difference." - Unknown
6. "The only thing I know is that I don't know anything." - Unknown
7. "I'm not saying my wife is a bad cook, but last night's dinner was a real 'treat'...like a root canal without anesthesia." - Unknown
8. "What's the difference between a pizza and a calzone? One's a pizza that's folded in half to make it look like a ball, and the other's a ball that's folded in half to make it look like a pizza." - Mitch Hedberg
9. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on pause. Like a video game." - Unknown
10. "The best way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." - Walt Disney (but only if you're talking about quitting something boring)
11. "I have a great idea for a new exercise routine: just run away from everything." - Unknown
12. "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!" - Unknown
13. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." - Unknown
14. "The only thing more exhausting than fighting is winning." - Unknown
15. "I'm not arguing with you, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours." - Unknown
Remember, these quotes are meant to be humorous and light-hearted, so don't take them too seriously!
Here are some short, funny, and motivating quotes to help boost your mood:
1. "You're off to a great start! Now go get 'em, tiger!"
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
3. "Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going."
4. "Believe you can and you're halfway there. The other half is cake."
5. "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."
6. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference."
7. "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop."
8. "Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill."
9. "The only way to do great work is to love what you do."
10. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's a reason they call them 'attempts' and not 'success-pts'."
11. "You're not lazy, you're just conserving energy for more important things... like Netflix."
12. "Don't worry about being different, be different because it's awesome."
13. "I'm not saying I'm a morning person, but I'm saying I'm a 'coffee' person."
14. "If you want to make a good first impression, start with a good last impression."
15. "The only thing standing between you and your dream is the BS story you keep telling yourself."
16. "You're not stuck in a rut, you're just on a scenic route... with a lot of potholes."
17. "Do something today that your future self will thank you for."
18. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
19. "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it's the courage to continue that counts."
20. "You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
Remember, motivation is contagious! Share these quotes with your friends and family to spread some positivity and humor!
Here are some extremely funny quotes to brighten up your day:
1. **I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.** - Steve Martin
2. **Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!** - Unknown
3. **I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.** - Unknown
4. **What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, and the other is a little lighter.** - Unknown
5. **Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up!** - Unknown
6. **I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.** - Unknown
7. **What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!** - Unknown
8. **I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't make a difference.** - Unknown
9. **Why don't some couples go to the gym? The marriage has been working out just fine!** - Unknown
10. **What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.** - Unknown
11. **I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours.** - Unknown
12. **Why don't scientists study snails? Because they're shell-shocked!** - Unknown
13. **What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!** - Unknown
14. **I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy... for the couch.** - Unknown
15. **Why don't some people like roller coasters? They're too thrill-seeking!** - Unknown
These quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face and make your day a little brighter!
I've got a bunch of those!
Here are some funny and crazy quotes about life:
1. "Life is like a rollercoaster, except the rollercoaster is on fire and you're riding it with a hangover."
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode... forever."
3. "Adulting is hard, but eating ice cream for breakfast is easy."
4. "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it... unless you're me, then it's 100% just trying not to die."
5. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right... in my head, while talking to myself, with a mouthful of popcorn."
6. "Life is a puzzle, but the pieces are all missing and the box is on fire."
7. "My life motto: 'Don't worry about tomorrow, because you might not even make it through today without spilling coffee on your shirt.'"
8. "I'm not crazy, I'm just creatively expressing my sanity... or lack thereof."
9. "Life is a game of Jenga, and I keep removing the wrong blocks."
10. "My life story: 'Once upon a time, I had a plan. Then I got lost in the woods, ate too much candy, and forgot what day it was.'"
11. "Adulting is like being a responsible grown-up, except when you're actually just a giant kid in a onesie."
12. "Life is short, but my attention span is even shorter... unless there's a cat video involved."
13. "I'm not lost, I'm just taking the scenic route to nowhere, while eating Cheetos and watching Netflix."
14. "My life philosophy: 'The only thing more exhausting than doing something is pretending to be motivated to do it.'"
15. "Life is like a box of chocolates – except instead of being delicious, it's usually just disappointing and covered in dust."
I hope these quotes made you laugh or at least roll your eyes in a good way!
I've got a treasure trove of sarcastic funny quotes on life for you!
1. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
2. "Adulting is overrated. Can I just stay in bed and pretend I'm still 12?"
3. "Life hack: Just put on yoga pants and call it a day. Nobody will judge you... or they'll just think you're trying too hard."
4. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference."
5. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you coffee, make a whole lot of noise about how good it is and then spill it all over the table."
6. "Why do we park on driveways and drive on parks? Can someone explain this to me?"
7. "I'm not late, I'm just fashionably delayed. Like, I'm giving everyone else a chance to get there before me so they can realize how much better I look arriving 10 minutes after the start time."
8. "Life is like pizza: even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. And who doesn't love a bad pizza?"
9. "I don't have 'issues.' I have 'vividly realistic concerns about the state of humanity and my own mortality' issues."
10. "What's the opposite of 'on fleek'? Because that's me right now. Like, I'm trying to get my eyebrows to do something resembling a cat's hairdo, but nope... they're just over here looking like two sad, forgotten caterpillars."
11. "Why do we have to learn cursive? What are we even going to write with it – our fingers?"
12. "I'm not arguing for the sake of arguing. I'm arguing because someone has to keep things interesting around here and it might as well be me."
13. "When life gives you rainbows, make a mediocre Instagram post about how beautiful they are but really you just want to go back to bed because mornings are hard."
14. "Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what kind of existential crisis you'll have when you open it up and realize it's just a bunch of empty calories."
15. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy... for the Netflix binge-fest that will ensue after this."
Hope these quotes made your day a little brighter (or at least gave you something to snort at)!