very short funny quotes
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Common sense is like deodorant; those who need it most never use it.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
funny crazy quotes
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
"Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?"
"I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
very short funny quotes about life
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs.
I don't have a bucket list, but my to-do list is a mile long.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it's mostly disappointing after the first bite.
Why fit in when you're born to stand out? Said no one ever in a crowd.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
Life doesn't come with a manual, but it should at least have a warning label.
short funny motivational quotes
Fall seven times, stand up eight – and make sure to laugh at yourself on the ninth.
Why fit in when you're born to stand out? Bonus points if you do it while wearing mismatched socks.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese – so snooze if you must, just don't miss the party.
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm, and maybe a few funny stories along the way.
You're not lazy, you're energy-efficient – now go channel that into something awesome.
Be like a proton: always positive, and ready to bounce back from any collision.
Life is short; smile while you still have teeth, and chase your dreams before they're out of reach.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday – but hey, today's a new chance to win!
Don't stop until you're proud, or at least until you've tried that ridiculous idea in your head.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take – unless it's at the buffet, then take them all!
funny crazy quotes about life
"Life is like a box of chocolates; it's full of nuts."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake."
"Life doesn't imitate art; it imitates bad television."
short funny smile quotes
Smile, it confuses people.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble.
Keep calm and smile—it's cheaper than therapy.
Smile, because someone's always watching and judging.
I smile every day, mostly because I'm too lazy to frown.
A smile is just a frown turned upside down... with effort.
funny quotes about me
I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome.
I'm not clumsy; it's just that the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, but my body says, "Who are you kidding?"
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
funny quotes of the day
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.