very short funny quotes
I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.
I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a wine.
I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
funny crazy quotes
"I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested."
"The trouble with trouble is that it starts out as fun."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I put the 'fun' in dysfunctional."
"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
very short funny quotes about life
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Life: the only game where you don't get a restart.
Why fit in when you're born to stand out? Oh, wait, that's effort.
My life feels like a test I didn't study for.
Age is just a number, but in my case, it's a really high one.
The elevator to success is out of order; take the stairs.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Life is like a box of chocolates – full of nuts.
I put the 'elusive' in 'live, laugh, love.'
funny crazy quotes about life
Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get, but half the time it's the ones you don't like anyway.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right—it's a life skill.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I intend to live forever, so far, so good.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth—mine are rented.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
My therapist says the key to inner peace is to finish what I start, so I finished a pizza and feel much better.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade—then find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party.
funny quotes about me
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome."
"I put the 'pro' in procrastinate."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I'm not weird, I'm a limited edition."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t hold this much personality."
"I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me."
sarcastic funny quotes on life
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.
Oh, sure, because adulting is just like being a kid, but with bills and disappointment.
I love how life hands you lemons, but conveniently forgets to mention you have no sugar or water for lemonade.
Exercise? Who needs it when you can just run late every morning?
Aging: Because who wouldn't want wrinkles, back pain, and the superpower of forgetting names?
Relationships are great—until you realize you're basically just roommates with benefits and arguments.
Work-life balance? More like work-all-the-time and life-maybe-on-weekends-if-you're-lucky.
Dreams are wonderful; it's the alarm clock of reality that ruins everything.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic, and that's just unfair.
Coffee: Because adulting is hard, and this is basically my personality now.
short funny motivational quotes
If you're going through hell, keep going—it's probably where the best stories are.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do... or at least pretend to until payday.
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm—or your pants.
Don't stop until you're proud... or until the pizza arrives.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take—unless you're a pro at avoiding effort.
Wake up and be awesome... or at least less terrible than yesterday.
Life is short—smile while you still have teeth.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday—start today and surprise yourself.
If plan A fails, remember there are 25 more letters... and a whole alphabet of laughs.
You're not lazy; you're energy efficient—now go conquer the world!
funny quotes about life struggles
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time."
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, and that's pretty much the same thing."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
"Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid."
"I put the 'pro' in procrastinator."
"Adulting is like folding a fitted sheet – no one really knows how."
"My wallet is like an onion – opening it makes me cry."
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."