very short funny quotes
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.
Common sense is like deodorant – those who need it most never use it.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my to-do list is a real page-turner.
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.
funny crazy quotes
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
very short funny quotes about life
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it's full of nuts.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Why be moody when you can shake your booty?
funny crazy quotes about life
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." – Steven Wright
"Life is hard. After all, it kills you." – Katharine Hepburn
"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets." – Al McGuire
"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time." – Charles M. Schulz
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people." – Orson Welles
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back." – Oscar Wilde
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good." – Steven Wright
short funny motivational quotes
Fall seven times, stand up eight – and laugh about the first seven.
Be like a proton: always positive, but with a side of sarcasm.
The elevator to success is out of order; take the stairs, one goofy step at a time.
Don't give up on your dreams; keep sleeping until inspiration strikes.
You're not lazy, you're energy-efficient – now go conquer the world!
Life is short; smile while you still have teeth and a dream to chase.
Why fit in when you're born to stand out? Unless it's a sale, then blend right in.
Success is 1% inspiration and 99% "Oops, try that again" moments.
Turn your can'ts into cans and your dreams into plans – with a dash of comedy.
If Plan A fails, remember there are 25 more letters; keep it funny and keep going.
funny quotes about me
I'm not arguing; I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.
My bed and I are in a committed relationship—it's hard to break up.
I'm not short; I'm concentrated awesome.
I put the 'elusive' in 'delusional' when it comes to my cooking skills.
If I had a dollar for every time I overthought something, I'd be a billionaire by now.
I'm not clumsy; the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
Procrastination is my superpower—unfortunately, it's also my kryptonite.
I don't need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new style every morning.
funny quotes of the day
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
what are 5 funny quotes?
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception." – Groucho Marx
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." – Groucho Marx
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." – Oscar Wilde
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."
"The best thing about being me is that there's no one else I'd rather be... except maybe Brad Pitt on a good day." – Not attributed, but a light-hearted quip