各位周末好，這裡是寫作專欄的第十八期，關於專欄的介紹可見怎樣寫一篇作文？
修改是寫作練習中一個很重要的部分，我們可以在這個過程中發現自己的問題並改正，確保下一次不會再犯相同的錯誤。修改的時候可以從內容和語言兩方面入手。
內容方面要注意的地方有：
1. 作文題目有什麼要求？作文的內容是否回應了所有的要求？
2. 是否有與主題無關，應該刪去的內容？舉個例子：
Nuclear power is the best solution to our ever-increasing energy needs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
這道題目是問核能是否是解決能源需求的最好方案，那麼作文內容應該圍繞這一點展開，而不能談為什麼要節約能源，怎樣節約能源，節約能源有什麼好處。
3. 論述是否合乎邏輯？是否缺少某些環節？
經常有同學反映自己寫完作文後看不出自己的論述是否存在邏輯問題。造成這種情況的原因一般是讀者對英文還不夠敏感。這裡有個很簡單的解決辦法：將自己寫的東西翻譯成中文，然後檢查中文的邏輯。在中文語境下如果文章存在邏輯問題我們一般能很容易發現。除此之外，我們還可以學習一些邏輯學的知識，關於這一點可以參考文章：薦書 | 為什麼你需要學點邏輯？
語言方面需要注意的地方有：
1. 有無選用與文章的文體風格不相適應的詞（比如在學術寫作中使用lots of / sort of / kind of 這樣的非正式用詞）？
2. 有沒有出現中式表達，比如「學習知識」寫成learn knowledge（正確說法應該是gain/acquire knowledge）？
3. 有沒有遵循詞組的固定搭配（比如「機會均等」應該是equality of opportunity，而不是equality of opportunities）？
4. 單複數、時態和冠詞等語法知識點有沒有出現錯誤？
5. 拼寫和標點有沒有問題？
每次寫完作文後按照這幾點原則去檢查，這樣能夠得到比較客觀的修改結果。如果有條件還可以請其他人幫忙修改，這樣能夠發現一些自己沒注意到的問題。
今天要分析的作文題目是：
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?
這是讀者投稿的原始作文版本：
習作/C
Traffic jams, noise pollution and air pollution caused by growing numbers of cars on road are becoming severer and severer in recent years, which has caused great concern among environmentalists. Some of them argue that the best solution to problems of growing traffic and pollution is increasing petrol price. But in fact, it will not solve these problems in the long term.
Twenty years ago, only a few rich people drove cars, but today more and more families have private cars thanks to economic development. If the government increases the price of petrol, the rich can still afford using cars, but the poor may lose the right to drive cars because of the high price of petrol. It is not fair and shows no respect to most people’s hard work. Admittedly, vehicles cause pollution problems, but factories which use coal produce more pollution. It is not realistic to increase both the prices of petrol and coal.
Therefore, the government should seek other measures to solve these problems. Firstly, the government should plan and build the roads more reasonably to reduce traffic congestion. Innovations in car industry should be encouraged and supported to create new types of cars which can use fossil fuels more effectively and produce less pollution. In this respect, Tesla, is setting a good example. What’s more, clean energy should be put into use to reduce pollution problems.
Overall, there are many other measures to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. We should do a bit more thinking and create more rational and effective solutions instead of simply increasing the price of petrol.
這是點評版本：
Traffic jams, noise pollution and air pollution caused by growing numbers of cars on the road are becoming severer and severer in recent years, which has caused great concern among environmentalists. Some ofthem argue that the best solution to problems of growing traffic and pollution is increasing to increase petrol prices. But in fact, it will not solve these problems in the long term.
Twenty years ago, only a few rich people a rich few drove cars, but today more and more families have private cars, thanks to economic development. If the government increases the price of petrol, the rich can still afford using cars, but the poor may lose the right to drive cars because of the high price of petrol. It is not fair and shows no respect to most people’s hard work. Admittedly, vehicles cause pollution problems, but factories which use coal produce more pollution. It is not realistic to increase both the prices of petrol and coal. (?)
Therefore, the government should seek other measures to solve these problems. Firstly, the government should plan and build the roads more reasonably to reduce traffic congestion. Innovations in the car industry should be encouraged and supported to create new types of cars which can use fossil fuels more effectively and produce less pollution. In this respect, Tesla, an electric car manufacturer, is setting a good example. What’s What is more, clean energy should be put into use to reduce pollution problems.
Overall, there are many other measures to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. We should do a bit more thinking and create more rational and effective solutions instead of simply increasing the price of petrol.
思路分析：
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?
這是一道很經典的環境與交通類題目，作文需要回應兩個問題：提升汽油價格是否是解決交通擁擠和汙染的最佳手段？有沒有其他辦法？
對於問題一，從現實角度出發，提升油價並非是解決交通擁擠和汙染的最佳方案。因為它不夠公平，同時也不夠有效。目前交通擁擠和交通汙染主要發生在城市，而對於城市居民來說，提升油價對於他們開車出行的阻礙是有限的，因為他們出行的距離通常很短，提升油價導致的開車成本上升並不大。而對於住在農村和郊區的司機來說，提升油價對他們產生的影響會比較大，因為他們的出行距離比較長。但實際上，農村和郊區的司機並不是導致擁擠和汙染的主要原因。因此，提升汽油價格並不合理。
對於問題二，解決交通和汙染的方案有非常多，最經典的方法是發展公共運輸，修建更多的公交路線以及地鐵站，吸引城市居民使用公共運輸，減少私家車的使用。另外一種方法是發展清潔能源，比如更加清潔的燃料，以及電動汽車。這樣能夠有效減少汙染。
下面是我寫的一個版本：
習作/魏劍峰
Cities around the world are struggling to deal with increased levels of congestion and pollution. Some argue that raising the price of petrol offers the best solution to these problems. This essay will analyze the merits of this proposal and suggest alternatives.
At first glance increasing petrol prices seems able to discourage people from using their cars, thus reducing traffic and pollution. However, upon further reflection one would find that such measure is problematic. City drivers contribute disproportionally to traffic and pollution problems in urban areas, yet they are the least affected by the rise of petrol prices as they tend to only make short journeys. In fact, it is rural drivers who have to travel long distances that will suffer the most, although they make little contribution to traffic jams and air pollution in the city. All of these make raising petrol prices across the board at best unfair, at worst futile.
A more positive way to combat these problems would be to improve infrastructure and develop green technologies. Opening more bus routes and building more underground stations could provide an affordable and efficient public transport network, thereby tempting city dwellers out of their cars. This helps to reduce road traffic and consequently cut car emissions. The problem of pollution could also be tackled by giving financial incentives to manufacturers of green vehicles, such as electric cars, which have the advantage of zero emission, and the widespread use of them could reduce air pollution.
Overall, increasing the price of petrol is by no means the best solution to traffic and pollution problems. Improving infrastructure and developing clean technologies would be a more effective way of addressing this issue.
本專欄下期要分析的作文題目是：
Some people think giving aid to poorer countries brings more negatives than positives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
感興趣的同學可以先思考如何寫，然後對照下期的思路分析。建議有空的同學自己動筆寫一篇。
本作文專欄長期接受讀者投稿，感興趣的同學可以將習作發到我的郵箱 jianfengscut@163.com，部分習作有機會得到點評。
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