As a dating and relationship consultant, I constantly think about what true love is.
I have been being into spirituality very much lately. I realize that our body is not less than our mind spiritually, our mind is not less than our soul spiritually, negative emotion is not less than positive emotion spiritually, material world is not less than spirituality world spiritually, and mundane citizen is not less than the transcended master spiritually.
Since you were born as a kid (perhaps since the day you sat in the womb of your mom), your soul was pure, innocent, and whole. You had no idea about what good looking body is, what bad looking body is, what good personality is, what bad personality is. You felt so free, so curious about this world, you just felt you are different with others, you thought that you were cool as shit, your body mind soul were in alignment perfectly, and you were happy!
You were so little, you could not even sustain yourself, you wanted to eat when you were hungry, you wanted to be covered with warm clothes when you felt cold, but you could not do it by yourself, your live and death chance was under the mercy of your parents or early caregivers literally.
If you cry for wanting food, they feed you, but then they say that crying is bad and annoying. But if you do not cry, they thought you were not hungry or just fine. In order to get your need of food met (you wanted survival instinctly), perhaps you were confused, and you tried all ways to get their attention and love.
Later when you grew up a bit, If you want your father / mother to spend more time with you, but your father mother says that he / she is so busy in work to bring income to feed this family, you should not expect he / she spend as much time with you as you wanted, so you felt like your wants are improper and selfish, thus you are wrong and bad perhaps.
As a girl, the only close connection between you and your dad was when you were punished perhaps. So when you were punished, you fell like you were loved. So the only way to get love is to think you had something wrong within you, and you deserve punishment, only be punished, then you could fancy that you deserve love.
Etc etc…
So basically your parents, primary caregivers, teachers, society, religion, friends, media, books etc split your body and personality into two extreme polarized parts: good and bad / acceptable and unacceptable. Eventually you convinced yourself that you only want the good and acceptable parts within you. Because keeping the bad and unacceptable parts will make you a bad person, a joke, thus you cannot be accepted neither be loved, so you want to get rid of the bad and unacceptable parts of you desperately, and you felt like there was a hole within you, you do not know why that hole and that void are there… they are just there, and you do not want to and scared to visit them.
Now in adulthood, you want to find a partner with good looking body, good personalities, rich, confident, sexy and young etc. But it seems that you just cannot find this ideal partner. Even if you thought you found such a partner, you cannot keep the relationship, because your relationship made you feel bad / sad / unloved, but only when you felt this torturing feeling, you felt like in love. : (
But gradually and consciously, you want to be accepted and loved for who you are as a whole package.
But SLOWER DOWN and THINK a bit, who decided the good part and bad part for you? It is decided by you, by others and by society and religion. NO, ACTUALLY it was because you ADOPTTED their thoughts subconsciously in the early age of your very life.
I think true love is to fusion the polarization parts within your being first, and then practice to love and accept the polarized parts of other people through your empathy by making conscious choices.
What’s the meaning of this whole life process? It seems that the mind created an illusion, your life experience and your heart led you to a truth, the truth is that you have nothing wrong, through the illusion and your heart; you finally know what TRUE LOVE is for the first time.
Author: Joy Yang, 20-22-2015
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I want to know exact approach on how to get and keep a quality partner that I desire, and want to know more about relationships.
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