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Ally, can we get a recap?
埃莉 能再說一次嗎?
You remember the Kowolskis? They've owned this shop for 30 years
還記得科洛斯基家族嗎? 他們那店已經開了30年了
and they are attempting to set a record by making Buffalo's largest cookie.
他們想打破水牛鎮最大的曲奇的紀錄
and you have to wear this. A hairnet?
你一定要戴上這東西 這發罩?
H.ealth Department.
為了公共衛生
You are kidding.
不要說笑了
If you're around the cookie, you have to have it on.
你想要接近那曲奇你就得遵守規矩
I just did the hair.
我才做了這髮型
The hair is perfect.
多好看
All right, give it to me.
好了好了 給我吧
God... why do you hate me?
上帝 你就這麼恨我嗎?
We're rolling. And speed.
開始... 說話
For three decades, the Kowolski Bakery
三十年以來 科洛斯基自助餐廳
has been a mainstay in downtown Buffalo,
一直都是水牛鎮中心的神話
known for their sinfully sweet, cream-filled Polski pierogies
他們以香甜美味的波蘭式曲奇聞名
and the occasional sugar-induced coma that follows.
他們的餅令人再三回味
Today, in honor of their 30th anniversary,
今天 在他們的三十年店慶典禮上
they've invited us to ride along as they go for the record
他們邀請我們一同見證 他們將打破
on Buffalo's biggest cookie.
水牛鎮最大的曲奇的紀錄
Vol. Do you need a tissue or something?
沃爾 要紙巾嗎?
Can we get Vol a tissue? Or a spoon?
你要張紙巾嗎? 還是要個勺子?
Good thing we're wearing these.
我也戴上了這個
I wouldn't want any stray hairs to fall into the booger.
以免我的頭髮掉在這破玩意上
We doing this again? No. We can cut to B roll.
這段會放出去嗎? 不 我們會剪掉它
Moving on!
我們繼續
Tell me, Mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
老媽媽 告訴我 為什麼你要做最大的曲奇餅?
Well, man from Health Department say he find rat pellet in our pastry.
這樣的 衛生局的人來說 說他們在我的奶油裡發現死老鼠
But I say no, is big chocolate sprinkle.
我說 那不是 那是一大塊巧克力
But he shut store down.
但他還是封了鋪
So we clean up,
那我們就搞乾淨
make big cookie for to bring customers back.
做一個大的曲奇餅 把客人攬回來
Well, I admire your candor.
嗯 你還真坦白
Let's try that again, shall we?
我們要重新來一遍嗎?
Tell me, Mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
老媽媽 告訴我 為什麼要做水牛鎮最大的曲奇
So the children of the neighborhood will be happy.
這個大曲奇餅一定會令鄰居的小孩很開心
It must be wonderful seeing the smiles on their little faces.
對 能看到他們的小臉上掛著微笑是多麼美好
I work in back. I see no smiles.
我在廚房做事 看不到那些微笑
The previous record was 8 feet 7 inches, baked by Gladys Pelsnick.
現在的紀錄是2.60米直徑 是克拉麗斯所創造的
If this cookie beats that, it will prove
如果這塊曲奇能比克拉麗斯的大 那就能證明
the Kowolskis have much more free time.
科洛斯基家族更加閒著無聊
And the cookie is... 1 0 feet, 4 inches!
這曲奇是... 3.14米!
We have a new record!
新紀錄誕生了!
Cue the cheesy inspirational music!
來段破紀錄的音樂!
But what are we really looking at here?
但是在這裡你所發現的
Is it just a big cookie?
只是一個大曲奇嗎?
Or does this cookie represent the pride of Buffalo?
還是一個水牛鎮的驕傲的象徵?
Its hard-working citizens the key ingredient
以市民的勤勞和忘我工作作為主材料
with a few nuts thrown in.
加上兩塊"傻瓜"
And finally, the love of our families,
最後 再加上家庭的愛
which provides the warm center,
溫暖的親情
making our beloved Buffalo the sweetest place to live.
令我們所愛的水牛鎮成為一個宜人居住的地方
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
曲奇是這樣製成的
I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness News.
這裡是布魯斯·諾蘭 直擊新聞
And cut.
卡...
So what do you think?
覺得怎樣?
It's really good.
我覺得很好
It sucks. It's a story about a cookie.
討厭極了 一個曲奇的故事
The Pillsbury Doughboy would be riveted.
我看起來像個傻子
It made me laugh. Nothing wrong with making people laugh.
親愛的 這很有趣 我都忍不住笑了 讓人笑不好嗎?
I'll never be an anchorman.
但這樣我永遠不能成為電視臺的主持
The job's there, but I can't reach it.
伸手可觸 但我就是得不到
Every time they make me do this kind of stuff I have to act like a goof.
因為我老是在幹這種事情 我要扮得像個傻瓜一樣
I have no credibility. Not good.
人們覺得我不可靠 這一點也不好... 不好
Now you just sound silly. Forget it.
知道嗎? 你說這話才像個傻瓜 算了
It's not important. Let's watch it one more time.
這不重要 對嗎? 這不重要 我們再看一遍
No. Once more? Please?
噢 不 就一次 求你
No! You promised to help me with this photo album.
不要 布魯斯 你答應過我會幫我整理照片的!
Now get your gooy butt over here.
把你那傻瓜的屁股擺這裡來
Looking.
不要"嗯"
Just go through this stack and pick your favorites.
看看這一疊 把你最喜歡的挑出來
Come on. This is fun, right?
看這有趣 不是嗎?
Isn't this fun? This is nice.
真有趣 這張不錯
Evan's going to get that anchor job.
如果我能夠成為主持人
Bruce! He's the favorite.
布魯斯! 這才是我最喜歡的
You know what? Just forget it. This is just our life.
算了 算了 這就是我們的生活
We can always just have some kid do it for us.
或許生個小孩來整理吧
Hold the phone.
噢 別掛線
I like this one. Our weekend at the lake.
我喜歡這張 我們在湖邊的周末
That's supposed to be in our private stash.
這是我的私人珍藏
You look perky. Must have been cold. Give it to me.
沒有穿衣服啊 一定很冷吧 還給我
I think I'll put this on my computer.
我要把它掃描進電腦裡當壁紙
Give it to me. Come on. No!
好了 還給我! 不不不
Fine. Do with it what you will.
好了 你想幹什麼隨便
I don't care.
我不理了
I will do with it what I will. Jesus.
我會的 上帝啊
I might even send this in to Playboy.
我會把它送到"花花公子"去
Their layouts can be quite tasteful. Give that to me right now!
聽說他們也刊登讀者來照 馬上還給我
Rough stuff. I'm going to hurt you.
專業打手! 抓住我!
Sweetie? Time to get up.
親愛的 要起床了
Good dream. No.
不要 我還在做夢
The Buffalo Sabres lost again last night to the Toronto Maple Leafs.
水牛鎮剃刀隊昨晚又輸一場 他們對陣多倫多楓葉隊
Of course they did. They're my team.
是我支持的球隊 當然輸了
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
曲奇是這樣製成的
There might be something to this cookie line.
我想這句曲奇對白不錯
The greatest anchors have a signature sign-off. Like Walter Cronkite.
每個臺柱都有自己的口頭禪 像沃爾特·克朗凱特
And that's the way it was.
鋼鐵是這樣煉成的
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
曲奇是這樣煉成的
That's the way I like it
這個就是 啊哈 我喜歡這樣
Oh, no.
噢 慘了
Grace, the dog! I'm in the shower!
格雷斯 你的狗! 我在洗澡!
No, Sam. Bad dog.
壞狗狗!
Inside, bad. Outside, good.
裡面不行 外面行
You're done now. Great.
已經拉完了? 好極了
B-E-A-utiful.
潑...伊...傲... 漂亮
Come on. Let's go back in and have a shit.
來 我們進去拉屎
What is the dillio? We are having a blood drive.
那是在幹什麼? 在搞獻血活動
Needles. Yuck. They need my blood.
拿針扎人 他們需要我的血
I have a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
我的是小血型 AB+型
Really? I'm IB positive.
是嗎? 我的是IB+型
I B positive they ain't touching me with no needle. It's just so...
他們不敢拿針動我 這真是... 有意義
Helpful and lifesaving? No. It's blood.
可以救人一命 不 這些是血
Blood is supposed to stay inside the body, where it's meant to be.
血是應該在體內流動的 這才能叫血
Besides, they stockpile this stuff in a warehouse, it's all on ice,
但這些人 他們把血裝起來再放到什麼室裡倒掉
and they say there's a shortage.
然後他們就說缺血
Where did you hear that?
不是這樣的 你哪裡聽回來的?
From a friend of a friend
從一個政府高官的姨媽的弟弟的侄女
of a girl whose sister is going out with someone in the government.
的同學的同事的女友的朋友那裡聽回來的
For your protection, I cannot discuss it.
但我今天不能跟你討論這問題了
Now get out, before they see us together.
出去吧 趁他們還沒見到我們在一起
Here. You need these more than I do.
等等 你比我更需要這個
What is "these"?
這個是什麼?
Prayer beads. The kids made them for me.
護身符 一個小孩做給我的
They will keep you safe. I hope they're powerful.
能保你平安 最好它真能帶來奇蹟
I'm going to need a friggin' miracle to get to work on time.
否則我趕不及上班了
This isn't happening. Not now. Not during sweeps week.
不是吧 別這樣對我 別在這種時候 別在這種時候這樣對我!
Oh, God.
上帝
Yup, meeting started without me.
好了 開會了 我趕不上了
This is my luck.
這就是我的命!
Come on.
快! 快! 快!
Jesus.
上帝啊