Recently my social media account was dominated by a Guangzhou Daily news report titled, "Parents sold house to send only daughter to study abroad, only to be heartbroken when she marries overseas."
近期我的社交媒體帳戶被廣州日報的一條新聞刷屏，其標題是「父母賣房供獨生女出國留學，女兒嫁老外後不願回國」。
After reading the news, I could not put it out of my mind for days. The parents in the story remind me of my parents and how selfless they are. They supported my studies in the UK without asking for anything in return. It also makes me think about what a healthy relationship between parents and their children should look like. What pops into my mind is one word: boundaries.
看完這則新聞後，它縈繞在我的腦海多日。這個故事中的父母讓我想起了自己的父母，他們是多麼的無私。他們送我去英國留學，不求任何回報。這也讓我思考健康的父母和子女關係應該是什麼樣的。我腦海中蹦出的一個詞是：界線。
A lack of boundaries is the key problem behind many family issues, including that of the family in the article. The daughter was the center of the whole family and shouldered all the hopes and dreams that her parents wanted for themselves. When she got into a university in the US, her father reportedly said that she "finally made him proud so that he can hold his head high." Sounds pretty familiar, right?
界線不清是很多家庭矛盾背後的主要問題，包括這個新聞中的一家。女兒是全家的中心，承載著她父母的希望和夢想。當她終於能去美國一所大學就讀時，據報導她的父親說女兒「讓他非常驕傲，他終於可以揚眉吐氣」。這話聽起來那麼熟悉，是吧?
Many Chinese parents have said something similar to their kids. Deep down in their heart, their child is not an independent and complete individual but something that belongs to them or is even part of them.
許多中國父母都對他們的孩子說過類似的話。在他們的內心深處，孩子並非是一個獨立、完整的個體，而是屬於他們的，甚至是他們的一部分。
To some extent, sending their child to college is like fulfilling a dream for themselves. So, it’s not hard to understand why some parents would expect their child to live their life the way they, the parents, want.
在某種程度上，送孩子念大學就好像實現他們自己的一個夢想。因此，不難理解一些父母期待孩子過上他們自己想要的那種生活。
Surely, you would say that every parent loves their kid and wants their company when he or she gets old. I think it is reasonable. Filial piety is a part of the Chinese tradition. However, it cannot be used as an excuse for people to deny their offspring’s right to choose their own life. That is not love. It’s a form of possession in the guise of love.
當然，你可能會說，每位父母都愛自己的孩子，老了希望有孩子的陪伴。我覺得這也合乎情理。孝道是中國的傳統。不過，這不能作為一個藉口去否認孩子自主選擇生活的權利。那不是愛，那是在愛的偽裝下的佔有。
I still remember what my mom said when I asked whether she regretted supporting me on a life journey that takes me further and further away from home.
我仍然記得，當我問我媽媽她是否後悔支持我的人生旅途離家越來越遠，她的回答。
She said, "Your happiness and future matter the most. I will be happy for you as long as you are happy yourself."
她說，「你的幸福和你的未來才是最重要的。只要你生活得開心，我就是幸福的。」
This is what mature and true love is like, and I’m very grateful and lucky to have it and learn from it.
這才是成熟的愛，才是真愛。我非常感激、也非常幸運自己能擁有真愛，並能從中學習。
Children should be more independent too, both economically and mentally. Spending all your parents』 hard-earned money for higher education is not common in Western countries. Young people should try to be more financially independent and help relieve their parents』 burden by applying for scholarships and doing part-time jobs. Academic pursuits should be your own responsibility, not a burden to your family members. Again, the keyword here is boundaries.
孩子也應當更獨立，無論是經濟上還是心理上。花掉父母辛苦掙來的錢進行高等教育在西方國家並不多見。年輕人應當在經濟上更獨立，通過申請獎學金和做兼職來減輕父母的負擔。學術追求應當是你自己的責任，而不應是你家人的負擔。在此重申，關鍵是界線。
Also, living far away from home doesn’t mean that you should ignore your parents. In the context of the Chinese traditional culture and social system, sons and daughters should take care of their elders and are duty-bound to support their parents by law.
同樣，生活在離家很遠的地方並不意味著你要忽視你的父母。在中國傳統文化和社會系統裡，兒女應當照顧老人，贍養老人是法定的義務。
Regular visits and emotional and financial support are the basis for repaying someone who raised you, don’t you think so?
常回家看看，給予他們心理上和物質上的支持，是對生養你的人最基本的支持，你覺得呢?
（編輯：何瑩瑩）