在前面發表後，我冷靜後重讀了一遍，突然意識到我忽略了一個關鍵的東西，就是bad attitude。然後讀者很快就指出來了。這是個致命的疏忽，我必須修改一下，讀後續寫讓粗心如我的作者防不勝防，不是漏掉這個，就是漏掉那個，鬱悶啊。
第一篇：
下水文|廣州一模讀後續寫指導：撒謊的男孩
此為第二篇我的下水文：
The mother said, "This chocolate is a reward for your imagination: a window-opening cat!" Scratching his head, the boy felt the chocolate was a hot potato. 「Did mom find holes in my excuse?」 he thought in disbelief. 「You know, all the windows were shut close.」 Mother seemed to see him through but continued calmly, 「Aren’t you imaginative to tell me the amazing cat?」 Still reluctant to give in, the boy threw his head back with a sniff of disapproval. The mother pulled him close and pressed two chocolates into his hand, 「An award for the perfect repair.」
Now with some chocolates in hand, the boy's bad attitude disappeared. Instead, how he wished the ground to open up and swallow him! He stammered out the truth, suddenly feeling tons of burden relieved. 「So I have to punish you for your lie.」 The mother hardened her voice and took back his chocolates. The boy hung his head in shame. 「But your honesty deserves the award—a box of chocolates.」 The mother suddenly bent to kiss his cheek, speaking gently to the sobbing boy, 「My son, honesty values more than any antique.」 （174 words)
（後記：本文寫男孩不滿地哼哼，和母親親兒子，都是源於我的體驗，我的兒子不滿我說的時候就用鼻子哼哼。在我女兒感到委屈的時候，我總是去親她的小臉蛋表示安慰。）
翻譯：
媽媽說：巧克力是獎勵你的想像力：一個會開窗戶的貓！男孩撓撓頭，頓覺它就是燙手的山芋啊。「是不是媽媽發現了我的藉口裡的漏洞？」他滿是狐疑地想著。「你也曉得，所有的窗戶都關得死死地。」媽媽似乎看穿了他在想什麼，但繼續平靜地說道，「你告訴我這樣的一隻神奇的貓，難道你的想像力不夠豐富麼？」但是男孩還是不甘心就這樣投降，他仰著頭,不滿地哼哼了幾聲。媽媽把他拉近，往他的手裡塞進兩個巧克力，「獎給你的高超的修補。」
現在他手上有了這些巧克力，之前的不友好的態度沒了。相反，他多麼希望有個地縫，讓他鑽進去啊！他吞吞吐吐地告訴了事情的真相，卻突然感到千斤的擔子被卸下了。「我不得不懲罰你的謊言。」媽媽的聲音嚴厲起來，她拿回了他的巧克力。男孩羞愧地低下頭。「但是你的誠實應該值得這個獎勵——一盒巧克力。」媽媽突然彎腰親了他的臉頰，溫柔地對正在啜泣的男孩說，「兒子，誠實比古董重要得多。」
說明：
主題句：
末句的Honesty values more than any antique照應前文的the vase was not a common decoration but an antique，同時點明主旨。
銜接處：
the boy threw his head back with a sniff of disapproval照應下面的the boy's bad attitude
The mother pulled him close and pressed two chocolates into his hand照應下面的with some chocolates in hand
Instead, how he wished the ground to open up and swallow him! 和the boy's bad attitude disappeared連貫。
細節描寫：
The mother cannot help kissing his cheek用動作描寫凸顯母親的開心和愛
至於其它細節描寫沒有改動。
對話描寫：
He stammered out the truth消除了對話，採用概括法。
句式上：
still reluctant to give in, the boy threw his head back, pretending innocence採用形容詞短語作狀語。
表示懷疑的多種表達：
She shot him an incredulous look. 她滿腹狐疑地瞪了他一眼。
Rosie stared in disbelief. 羅茜狐疑地瞪著眼睛。
He looked at her suspiciously. 他滿腹狐疑地看著她。
He was burnt up with jealousy and suspicion. 他妒火中燒，滿腹狐疑。
He was looking at her with his eyebrows raised questioningly.他皺著眉，狐疑地看著她。
An expression of disbelief crossed Brody's face. 布羅迪一臉狐疑。